Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 'bout sick and tired of thinking they can do whatever they want without consideration of how their BEHAVIOUR affects others, then these others are supposed to co-sign on their dumb-ass s***.
OP's brother can sleep with entire population of Maine, but that dies not mean that OP has to host everyone of those M*****F*******!

Yes! Exactly! Good God, this is not about judgement! It is about OP's brother being an inconsiderate SHIT and ruining everyone's Christmas. They are just beginning to cope with the loss of his ex-partner as a family member. That is a big deal. And he is expecting them to keep his affair a secret too! WTH? Why can't anyone see how crappy he is being? OP has no obligation to have this in her house for the holidays. He is imposing his sex life on her and her family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+10000000000

what post are you co-signing on?

Anonymous wrote:+10000000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Yes, I did read it. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.

That did not answer the question

I'm not sure what else you want me to say. The only new question was whether I read the OP's post. As for your other one, I think I already answered that -- I would take the long view of how I wanted my actions this year to affect my relationship with my brother (and this woman, if she ended up being a long-term part of his life). You didn't add any new information to change my mind.

You skipped the whole question about howcisvit exclusionary to say no to someone you never even invited to your own house.

Because at this point in time, brother considers her a significant part of his life. As soon as we start trying to parse relatives' romantic relationships to determine whether they're significant enough to be included in a holiday celebration, you are being exclusionary. You're drawing a circle around the family and telling others they are not welcome inside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To use your words, I think you should suck it up. Your kids are only 5 and 2. Just call her a friend. Little kids are innocent at this age and are not at all aware of the sexual aspect of this situation. If she feels comfortable staying in a hotel, let her. Your brother should be free to bring whoever he is with at the time. The ex is old news now, even though you liked him and miss him. Get with the program. Sure it will be awkward, but it should make for an interesting holiday. The kids should be more interested in the holiday and not who is with whom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Yes, I did read it. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.

That did not answer the question

I'm not sure what else you want me to say. The only new question was whether I read the OP's post. As for your other one, I think I already answered that -- I would take the long view of how I wanted my actions this year to affect my relationship with my brother (and this woman, if she ended up being a long-term part of his life). You didn't add any new information to change my mind.

You skipped the whole question about howcisvit exclusionary to say no to someone you never even invited to your own house.

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking this. He invited her because she is a good friend with nowhere to go for the holidays. Tell your kids she is uncle's friend. Sounds like he is okay with that based on the hotel room offer. If the relationship sticks you can later clarify who she really is to him, but in the meantime, no need to explain more.

Anonymous wrote:Hahahahahaha .


Told ya it's a choice. Suck it PC ers!

Turns out 10000 years of human history and the bible are right about the nature of sexuality and the PCers are bumbling idiots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Yes, I did read it. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.

That did not answer the question

I'm not sure what else you want me to say. The only new question was whether I read the OP's post. As for your other one, I think I already answered that -- I would take the long view of how I wanted my actions this year to affect my relationship with my brother (and this woman, if she ended up being a long-term part of his life). You didn't add any new information to change my mind.