Anonymous
Post 11/10/2014 10:45     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Eh. I don't think it matters one way or the other, so long as both partners agree and there is enough transparency for major family expenses. I think it is totally fine to split even though it sounds like a pain to me. I do hope that couples with the separate accounts actually have all the accounts set up as JTWROS, even if one or the other "owns" them separately. It would suck to have to wait for probate to access the deceased spouse's balances at such an uncertain time. You should also maintain at least one separate credit card to be safe. Morbid, I know.

FYI. We are completely combined in our finances. We married late, each had individual properties owned prior to marriage, HHI above $375K. I make significantly more than DH but he has far more inherited wealth. We do have some separate credit cards and retirements, obviously.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 16:25     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Yes, we all need clothes but the reality is that my clothing needs are a lot more expensive than my husbands. Regardless, my husband and I both like to have are own money outside of our joint account. I have had my own account since I had my first job at 16 so I truly can't imagine not having an account for my own personal spending needs. Fortunately, my husband feels the same way. To each his own.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 15:52     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.


There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them


+1
Plus I am conservative spender while my DH likes to splurge and we have it opposite
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 12:33     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.


There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 12:10     Subject: For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
We do exactly the same thing PP describes about budgeting, but we don't have line items for "his" and "hers" and all funds come out of one joint account.

Clothes are clothes, we both wear them and we both buy them when we feel the need. We don't "ask permission" first, but all receipts are recorded, and we aim to keep our individual spending in line with the budget, as with any other expense. If we go over for whatever reason, we know we'll have to balance it out from some other budget area, so we try not to do that.

Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 11:22     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.


What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for my we'll, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.


Don't think you'd be destitute outside the Verizon center. But I do think you've set a precedent in your marriage that will be difficult to change. Your husband views his money as HIS. Should something happen to your career, he will still view his money as his. You'll be viewed as a drag. Instead of you using marriage for you hair that is YOURS he will be giving you a GIFT. my sell think this set up is a much much bigger deal than you even know.


Sounds like maybe you are dealing with a husband who treats you like this, even with everything in the same accounts. Stop projecting.

As someone else said--I'm a grownup, he's a grownup, we make sure our joint expenses are covered, but we both make good money, we are both conscientious in our spending, and so keeping our own money once the household bills are paid (and that also includes fun stuff, like dining out, travel, event tickets, etc) is just what works for us. If something happens to one of us, then we'll restructure. And that could just as easily mean me (DW) suddenly supporting both of us as it does DH.

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.



+1, sort of. I don't agree it is an SAHM thing. I think, for a lot of women, they're worried what their DHs are doing with his spare cash. Spouses can do deceitful things regardless of financial arrangements.

For me, I grew up with very little. I still, after all this time, get a good deal of satisfaction out of buying something for myself with money I earned. I was also extremely proud when DH and I saved enough to buy a home together. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 11:12     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.


What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for my we'll, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.


Don't think you'd be destitute outside the Verizon center. But I do think you've set a precedent in your marriage that will be difficult to change. Your husband views his money as HIS. Should something happen to your career, he will still view his money as his. You'll be viewed as a drag. Instead of you using marriage for you hair that is YOURS he will be giving you a GIFT. my sell think this set up is a much much bigger deal than you even know.


Sounds like maybe you are dealing with a husband who treats you like this, even with everything in the same accounts. Stop projecting.

As someone else said--I'm a grownup, he's a grownup, we make sure our joint expenses are covered, but we both make good money, we are both conscientious in our spending, and so keeping our own money once the household bills are paid (and that also includes fun stuff, like dining out, travel, event tickets, etc) is just what works for us. If something happens to one of us, then we'll restructure. And that could just as easily mean me (DW) suddenly supporting both of us as it does DH.

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 08:38     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
My husband and I are completely equal in our marriage whether I have a job or not so I am not sure what you are talking about when you mention setting a precedent. Our worth/value has nothing to do with our income.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 08:30     Subject: For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Why do you think this is all the man's decision?
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 08:28     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.


What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for my we'll, but if DH it I couldn't workouts, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.


Don't think you'd be destitute outside the Verizon center. But I do think you've set a precedent in your marriage that will be difficult to change. Your husband views his money as HIS. Should something happen to your career, he will still view his money as his. You'll be viewed as a drag. Instead of you using marriage for you hair that is YOURS he will be giving you a GIFT. my sell think this set up is a much much bigger deal than you even know.


Money not marriage
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 08:27     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.


What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for my we'll, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.


Don't think you'd be destitute outside the Verizon center. But I do think you've set a precedent in your marriage that will be difficult to change. Your husband views his money as HIS. Should something happen to your career, he will still view his money as his. You'll be viewed as a drag. Instead of you using marriage for you hair that is YOURS he will be giving you a GIFT. my sell think this set up is a much much bigger deal than you even know.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 08:04     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.


What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for myself, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 07:37     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
15.26 here again. If either my husband or I stopped working we would reevaluate our entire budget. Under that scenario we would still get our "own" money but it would be a smaller amount because it would have to fit in our new budget. I am not sure who the housekeeping/cooking question was directed at, but we have someone who cleans. This is a priority for us because it was an area we argued about since our standards and approach to cleaning are very different. My husband does all the cooking because he is a much better cook than I am. I do all of the grocery shopping.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 06:32     Subject: For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:But in the case of the diapers and make up - do you separate those transactions so the diapers are charged to the joint account while the makeup comes out of your personal account?

I just don't understand who has time to be moving money back and forth all the time to cover expenses that are all basically "stuff we need."


No it doesn't work that way. I go to Target and I pay for it. DH gets groceries and he pays for it. Big bills come out of the joint. We don't nickel and dime each other. We don't care. It's EASY


Does your husband cook and you clean?
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 06:30     Subject: Re:For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ladies stop falling for this. This set up works against you the majority of the time. Most women take a career hit of some sort when having kids. Not to mention if something happens and you need to be a sahm. Don't fall for it.


I am not quite sure what I am "falling" for. For example, I went shopping this past week and spent a little under $1000.00 on clothes for myself. If we had a joint account my husband and I would of had to discuss. The purchases to ensure that the joint account could handle drawing this much down in a day. Frankly, I am an adult and don't feel the need to discuss how much I spend on clothes, hair cuts, or any other personal items. By having money in my own account I can spend what I want, when I want without worrying it will negatively impact thee family finances. I am always amazed that people seem so confused by the concept of seperate and joint accounts.


I find it interesting you don't view the 1,000 as family money. I view our money as OURS. Not mine and not his. All of it. If I stay home to raise kids I don't want him having a separate account that is HIS. Nor do I want my parents leaving me money that is MINE. We are a team and married.


+1
And what if one get sick and can't work for a while?