Anonymous wrote:Okay, part of it is that as a single mom there's not enough money. On the other hand, I might be able to sacrifice a bit more.

This summer I begged DS to get a job before starting college this fall, telling him that as a single parent, I cannot do it alone, books are expensive, and that he'll need the money to buy much needed things for college.

DS blew me off and opted to hang out with friends instead. I pointed out to him that these friends were not planning to head off to college in the fall or their households had 2 incomes so they may be able to goof off.

DS gave half-hearted attempts at finding jobs (taking just 3 minutes to apply for online jobs that would take most people at least 30).

When it was time to leave, I took him shopping and got what I could: comforter, sheets, toiletries, shower shoes, etc. borrowed money from my sister to make the trip and drove him cross-country and dropped him off with a few hundred from Grandma to buy books. Once he set up an account at the local bank, I set up direct deposit of a modest $75 to go into his account every two weeks from my paycheck.

DS didn't have a laptop. Oh well, use the computer labs at your school until I can afford to buy you a new one. After all, you could've worked and bought one for yourself this summer. And that has been my mantra nearly every time he called with a need. I sacrificed my cable and internet bundle to send him a few hundred when he said he needed more books. (I'm on a public computer--no cable or internet service at home; downgraded to a phone with no internet access and sent him the money that would've gone to those bills.) And I sacrificed more to fly him home during a long weekend he had at school.

When he came home he was down about being the poor kid on campus and expressed his frustration at not having a laptop. I had little sympathy remembering what an ass he was about working this summer but sacrificed another bill to send him back with a new laptop. (It is a REAL need.)

Since then there have been other needs and wants, and frankly I feel little sympathy. It seems he had to learn things the hard way, and if this struggle is what it will take for him to finally grow the hell up, so be it!

On the other hand, I wonder if I'm being a bit harsh in making him struggle/grow up as a FRESHMAN who's far from home, as if I should pull out ALL the stops to ensure his transition into freshman year is as smooth as possible.

Now his iphone is ruined. It was in his pocket when a friend threw him into the pool. I'm not making any swift moves to replace it because he needs to learn to be more careful. I told him that when his next bi-weekly allowance comes he can use that towards the deductible for a new one and I'll give him the rest. Not taking care of expensive things I've given him has been repeated throughout his teen years.

The nearly $300 class ring I bought? Lost. And not replaced because he wouldn't use part of his salary (when he had an after school job) to pay for it.

The car I still struggle to pay for? Not working. He didn't go in for that last oil change before leaving and thinks that could be the problem.

I could go on.

Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:I will be in same boat someday - child support will go from $8000 to $6000 to $4000 to nothing. We have more kids btw. He says he doesn't believe he should have to pay for college so paying for personal expenses seems unlikely. He is a "1% er" - mid 7 figure income. But he fussed about paying ANY child support and even when we were married did not consider his income the family money. So yeah this kind of thing can happen. I doubt OP is a troll.

Anonymous wrote:I call troll, men who willingly pay 84K a year in child support make allowances for college, graduate school and many times the first house

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you were getting $84,000 in child support and your ex pays a good chunk of college tuition? Your kids sound super spoiled so I actually do think you shouldn't suddenly expect them to change their expectations. But it also sounds like a conversation they need to have with rich daddy. Why isn't dad paying for the phone or the computer?

The great thing about the college years (and age span) is that it gives kids time to transition from spoiled kid who had everything handed over ---> responsible adult who can provide for themselves.

Anonymous wrote:So you were getting $84,000 in child support and your ex pays a good chunk of college tuition? Your kids sound super spoiled so I actually do think you shouldn't suddenly expect them to change their expectations. But it also sounds like a conversation they need to have with rich daddy. Why isn't dad paying for the phone or the computer?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just a bit of clarification. I went from $7,000-->$3,500 per month child support when DD went off to college. Once DS left, I went down to $0.

So it's really cute to read that "I'm richer than you" and "I have more than you" blah blah blah from people who need so desperately to feel as though they're better than someone else.

Part of the reason DC were able to have a life of extensive and expensive vacations (summer camp was abroad every summer since DD was in middle school and nearly 1 week each winter break as well) was because DEx-H factored those things into the child support. That was the life he wanted his children to have even if we weren't together. So it was housekeepers, private tutors, expensive activities, etc. Now, the children are in college and the thousands are no longer rolling in. I'm doing the best I can on my paltry salary. DEx-H has paid his share of the college expenses and refuses to give one cent more.