Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

That rule is appropriate for professional events (appointments, meetings, classes, lectures, etc.). However, according to all etiquette guides with which I am familiar, social engagements follow different rules wherein it is best and most accepted to arrive 5-10 minutes after the stated arrival time.

I'd love to know if all of you punctual party guests also *leave* the party at the designated "end" time, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

I love that there are so many people on this board throwing dinner parties on a regular basis. I feel like sometimes we are the only ones who entertain in our home since many of our friends prefer to meet up at restaurants than entertain. I wish I was friends with some of you.

That being said, in the last 10 mins we are probably changing clothes, swiffering the kitchen floor, washing up and putting away some of the cooking dishes. I don't want guests there for that. Awkward to let people in then go change. Or I'd forgo cleaning and be conscious of it all evening. We tend to entertain pretty formally though, might be different with a casual event.

One exception is our holiday party because we have serving help for that. So we are usually ready about 30 mins before and at that point are just lighting candles, putting ice on the bar, etc. We definitely have people who arrive a couple minutes early for that.

You aren't supposed to serve dinner at a dinner party right when the guests arrive. So those of you who don't like people showing up 15 minutes late because the meal is ready are doing it wrong.

Guest should arrive up to about 30 minutes after the time and enjoy drinks and appetizers. That way, everyone can get settled in and mingle before the meal is ready.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

I detest when people show up late. It makes me think they forgot or don't care that I have a dish roasting and scheduled to come out roughly 45 minutes after they arrive. By showing up 30 minutes late, you throw off my whole party plans as now I'm trying to shove a cocktail and appetizers down your throat in 15 minutes and then hurrying you to the table.

Arrive late like that consistently and you will be unlikely to be invited again unless you are family, in which case the rest of us have talked about your poor manners for years and now tell you to be places an hour before we actually want you there because that means you might show up somewhere near the actual time of the event.

Okay, so speaking of : my in-laws are ALWAYS early. I suspect they think they are "helping" but like others it's really just an extra task for me to think of some busy work that will keep them out of the way (I consider this more work). They don't expect to be entertained, but - esp. my mother in law- does things really differently than I do and she can be unwittingly domineering about it... I cant think of an example now but stuff that I have to either will fully ignore and decide my friends will love me even if i am tacky OR subtly try to fix when she isn't looking. any suggestions? this has been going on for years but it's not as bad as it used to be. if i didn't care how they felt i'd say, "seriously, it totally stressed me out when you arive so early and it's not helpful. please dont' think you are being helpful" but clearlyi can't say that.

maybe, "hey, next time feel free to come at the appointed hour! we love being the ones to put the finishing touches on our prep but feel so bad not being able to entertain you well in the last minutes leading up to our guests arrival!"

I'm early to court, doctor appointments, school meetings, picking my kids up and meeting people at restaurants. I would be on time for lunch at a friend's house, casual coffee, etc.

But specifically a dinner party? 5-10 minutes late for sure. I've thrown enough dinner parties where I'm rushing home to begin prepping after being out all day and it's my kids answering the door and taking coats while I'm showering and changing clothes. I'd never show up early to someone else's.

I'm always on time, and wait out front if I'm early. I prefer that guests come on time, too.

If you're 30 minutes late, I would assume you forgot and start serving because my dinner would almost certainly be ruined.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

Have you ever heard of growing up? How about, "when you know better, you do better"? I'd hate to think about how the rest of your adult life is going if you are still stuck with the things your mother taught you. Especially if the consequences were getting hit.

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

Anonymous wrote:Don't! 5 min late is ideal!

Correct. New York rule. 5 min. late.

Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.

Have you ever heard of "ugly early"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

Your mother sounds like a paragon of manners, class and good taste. Not to mention, extraordinary parenting.

And if you are unexpectedly early and I put you to work, don't be sure you are actually helpful. Most likely I am just being polite and giving you busy work.