Anonymous wrote:Getting a man I don't think is dependent on physical beauty. I have seen several unattractive people in awesome relationships and marriages.

Personality is key. I have an acquaintance that is very unattractive, 300 plus pounds and guys adore her. She is the life of the party.

I myself am attractive, more cute then anything but my personality is nothing like hers. She gets the guy every time even though outwardly I'm much more attractive.

+1

I have a good friend exactly the same as yours. She's always gotten the guys, I never did.

Anonymous wrote:OP you are in the prime of your life. I have no idea if you are truly ugly or not. But if you think so then you should fix it NOW. Not twenty years from now. You should be having fun, flirting, dating in your 20s. You sound lonely and it doesn't have to be that way. 1) lose weight. Join crossfit and meet like minded people. 2) see a very good derm to discuss laser treatment for your skin. Neither one of these is major but could help. Get a personal shopper at Nordstrom. Get a great haircut and good hair color and free make up lessons. Lots of people will have said don't bother because you don't want a man who cares about looks. Well I live in the real,world and it doesn't make someone shallow to. Or ice persons looks initially. You are young. Don't give up yet. Very few people are truly ugly, it's a just difference in the amount of effort.

I agree with this poster. Be proactive, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. OP you are as attractive as you feel you are. Not everyone feels great all the time, but to think you're ugly is to attract negativity. You need to be kind to yourself, it's the only way to love and be loved. It sounds cheesy but you need to stand in the mirror every day, look yourself in the eye and say, "I forgive you. I love you." Can't remember who I heard recommend this but it's life-changing. Do it till you believe it. GL.

This is so stupid and condescending. Self-acceptance is great, but your physical self is your physical self. If someone was bad at sports or had a learning disability, would you tell them that the problem is their aren't co fide t enough? Life's not fair.

NP here and I agree with this. I think the chorus of replies saying that of course OP isn't ugly and that she must have low-self esteem are kind of offense. We all know there is a beauty standard in every society, and the OP sounds like she is making a pretty balanced assessment that she is outside of that beauty standard. It also sounds like there are great things about her life- the great friendship circle is something I envy.

Anonymous wrote:I find the comments from the self-labeled unattractive women very interesting. Primarily, the comments about invisibility. I'm slowly moving to invisibility myself and I wonder if/how it'll impact me. I'm cute but not beautiful (of the small, peppy variety), dated a lot, etc. Married. Had kids. I guess I'm still "cute" but cute at 40? That's pretty hard to pull off. Beautiful at 40, sure. Cute doesn't translate as well. At least it isn't with me.

My mom always warned me that older ladies become invisible in our society[b]. In her view, we're all headed there. Perhaps some of us get there sooner than others due to looks or what have you.

It sounds like the OP has a great outlook on life and has found what she enjoys. She accepts that it bothers her when others always get the attention but deals with it rationally. I hope that I am as graceful.

If you're only paying attention to looks, that's the way it should be. After all, older ladies are past their fertility prime. But that's a very one-dimensional way of looking at things. As women age, their intelligence and professional achievements start to matter more (assuming you have those).

And get the nose job. I have never met anyone who regretted it. All said they wish they had done it sooner.

OP you are in the prime of your life. I have no idea if you are truly ugly or not. But if you think so then you should fix it NOW. Not twenty years from now. You should be having fun, flirting, dating in your 20s. You sound lonely and it doesn't have to be that way. 1) lose weight. Join crossfit and meet like minded people. 2) see a very good derm to discuss laser treatment for your skin. Neither one of these is major but could help. Get a personal shopper at Nordstrom. Get a great haircut and good hair color and free make up lessons. Lots of people will have said don't bother because you don't want a man who cares about looks. Well I live in the real,world and it doesn't make someone shallow to. Or ice persons looks initially. You are young. Don't give up yet. Very few people are truly ugly, it's a just difference in the amount of effort.

Anonymous wrote:Aww, thanks, that was nice (to the first two PPs). I am touched. I am pretty ugly though. Where to start.

- Yes, big nose
- heavy acne scarring (dark blemishes and pits) which can probably only be corrected by laser (I've tried every cream - they don't work, especially not for pits, but not even for dark blemishes) all over my face, neck and upper chest
- 40 lbs over weight and with stretch marks and cellulite. I've been fighting the weight battle since I was 15, so throughout my prime in other words
- thin hair
- glasses (contact solution hurts my eyes, insurance doesn't cover LASIK surgery)
- just not a great face structure overall IMO

-

Health savings will cover LASIK. You sign up for the LASIK doctors credit. You have the surgery you fax in the bill immediately to health savings ( my case FSAfeds) they reimburse before the first bill is due. Open season starts in nov 1. You can have the surgery January 2.

Anonymous wrote:Remember OP that even the term "ugly" is very subjective in itself.

Look at the many people who were not attractive in the typical sense of how we view attractive as, yet still made themselves something in life.

Barbra Streisand has a big nose + she never had plastic surgery for it. She is an amazing and talented singer/actress and will go down in history as a true legend.

Remember Susan Boyle? Again, not your typical beauty queen, yet her voice was very powerful and that got her noticed in a big way.

Even reality stars such as Honey Boo Boo's family are not your typical picture of beauty, but many people love to tune in and watch their T.V. show because they obviously have something to offer us as entertainment which doesn't include their looks.

I don't think that she could have a nose job without risking that it would affect her voice. Although Michael Jackson had multiple rhinoplasty procedures.

Remember OP that even the term "ugly" is very subjective in itself.

Look at the many people who were not attractive in the typical sense of how we view attractive as, yet still made themselves something in life.

Barbra Streisand has a big nose + she never had plastic surgery for it. She is an amazing and talented singer/actress and will go down in history as a true legend.

Remember Susan Boyle? Again, not your typical beauty queen, yet her voice was very powerful and that got her noticed in a big way.

Even reality stars such as Honey Boo Boo's family are not your typical picture of beauty, but many people love to tune in and watch their T.V. show because they obviously have something to offer us as entertainment which doesn't include their looks.

Find agin, not find against

Anonymous wrote:I find the comments from the self-labeled unattractive women very interesting. Primarily, the comments about invisibility. I'm slowly moving to invisibility myself and I wonder if/how it'll impact me. I'm cute but not beautiful (of the small, peppy variety), dated a lot, etc. Married. Had kids. I guess I'm still "cute" but cute at 40? That's pretty hard to pull off. Beautiful at 40, sure. Cute doesn't translate as well. At least it isn't with me.

My mom always warned me that older ladies become invisible in our society. In her view, we're all headed there. Perhaps some of us get there sooner than others due to looks or what have you.

It sounds like the OP has a great outlook on life and has found what she enjoys. She accepts that it bothers her when others always get the attention but deals with it rationally. I hope that I am as graceful.

Yup. My looks are middle of the road. In my late thirties, I find myself getting less male attention, but since I never used my looks tog et ahead or forge relationships since I was just average looking, it isn't really affecting me much. Better looking women probably find against more difficult bc many of them benefit from their looks in many ways.

I actually in some ways think there are pluses to being more invisible - less street harassment, etc.

OP here's an article for you.

What the dying really regret

"Everyone told me -- my family, my school, my church. When I got older, magazines and salesgirls and boyfriends (told me), even if they didn't say so out loud. The world's been telling me for 75 years that my body is bad. First for being female, then for being fat and then for being sick."...

"But the one thing I never did understand is, why does everyone else want me to hate my body? What does it matter to them?"

There are many regrets and unfulfilled wishes that patients have shared with me in the months before they die. But the stories about the time they waste hating their bodies, abusing it or letting it be abused -- the years people spend not appreciating their body until they are close to leaving it -- are some of the saddest....

Sometimes, it's based on their allegedly unattractive physical features. They might be ashamed of their weight, their body hair, their thin lips or droopy eyes....

Either way, the result of the messages is the same: They lived their lives thinking their bodies were something to tolerate at best, something to criticize, to despise, at worst -- a problem they could never correct....

And to think I spent all those years criticizing how it looked and never noticing how good it felt -- until now when it never feels good."

Too often, it's only as a patient realizes that he or she will lose their body that they finally appreciate how truly wonderful it is.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/16/health/dying-regret-body-hate/index.html?hpt=he_c1

I find the comments from the self-labeled unattractive women very interesting. Primarily, the comments about invisibility. I'm slowly moving to invisibility myself and I wonder if/how it'll impact me. I'm cute but not beautiful (of the small, peppy variety), dated a lot, etc. Married. Had kids. I guess I'm still "cute" but cute at 40? That's pretty hard to pull off. Beautiful at 40, sure. Cute doesn't translate as well. At least it isn't with me.

My mom always warned me that older ladies become invisible in our society. In her view, we're all headed there. Perhaps some of us get there sooner than others due to looks or what have you.

It sounds like the OP has a great outlook on life and has found what she enjoys. She accepts that it bothers her when others always get the attention but deals with it rationally. I hope that I am as graceful.

OP, ever see one of those makeovers on Good Morning America? They can make ANYONE look much better. Heck, some of these celebrities without makeup look awful when not being worked on.

In all seriousness, if you are looking for a partner, there are men who would be interested who are not: weird, nerds, socially inept, whatever. Believe it or not, all of us are not looking for a fashion model.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the great replies. I did get checked for PCOS and thyroid, I was fine on both apparently. Which surprised me, hah.

Well, I'd be more open to the idea that I'm less attractive than I think I am if I saw other people viewing me in a more positive way. But 28 and forever alone kinda suggests that the men agree with me.

You should become a lesbian-Men are overrated anyway!