Anonymous
10/22/2014 14:04
Subject: Re:Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
Anonymous wrote:OP here, with just an update... a few days after I had the talk with my mom, deciding together that maybe that it's not the best idea after all for her to babysit now, considering my daughter's age/developmental stage and needs, and my mom's coping skills... Almost the next day, my mom has flipped back and changed her mind about wanting to babysit again and wants to try again. Unfortunately, I'd already come to a place mentally where I felt that it was no longer a good idea.
And then, my toddler daughter did the same flip around, and soon after my mom left, she said she wanted to have her grandma back, saying she missed her and wanted to see her again. Haha, toddlers and elderly grandmas can be quite fickle indeed. In actuality, I remember my daughter going through a stage like similar to this when she was younger when she would push her dad away, and only show a preference for me.
Anyway, I'm a little torn at this point. I just found out our sitter isn't as available as I would need her. And I'm practically about to deliver our little one, and am finding the stress of hiring another backup too much to handle at this stage. Ugh.
OP, I feel for you. My two cents, from this removed position of limited information, is that if your mother and your toddler are essentially exhibiting the same problematic behaviors in temperament then this is not a reliable, stressfree, childcare solution. Please try to summon your energy and find other options.
Neighborhood listserv? Friends for the short term? Mother's helper?
Give it a shot. I don't think you'll feel really relaxed or comfortable if you leave your mother in charge at this point (understandably and appropriately). The gals can have a relationship that isn't one you have to depend on for childcare.
Good luck.
Anonymous
10/22/2014 12:04
Subject: Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
Anonymous wrote:You need to teach your kid to behave better. No way in my house would a kid throw toys or hit. My sister used to get away with that shit with my grandmother and as an adult she is beyond self-centered. Yeah, we don't hit, but in some cultures it happens. Your kid and mother both sound out of control.
Exactly!
Anonymous
10/22/2014 09:17
Subject: Re:Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
Anonymous wrote:OP here, with just an update... a few days after I had the talk with my mom, deciding together that maybe that it's not the best idea after all for her to babysit now, considering my daughter's age/developmental stage and needs, and my mom's coping skills... Almost the next day, my mom has flipped back and changed her mind about wanting to babysit again and wants to try again. Unfortunately, I'd already come to a place mentally where I felt that it was no longer a good idea.
And then, my toddler daughter did the same flip around, and soon after my mom left, she said she wanted to have her grandma back, saying she missed her and wanted to see her again. Haha, toddlers and elderly grandmas can be quite fickle indeed. In actuality, I remember my daughter going through a stage like similar to this when she was younger when she would push her dad away, and only show a preference for me.
Anyway, I'm a little torn at this point. I just found out our sitter isn't as available as I would need her. And I'm practically about to deliver our little one, and am finding the stress of hiring another backup too much to handle at this stage. Ugh.
I think the posts a few up from this where the person points out some of the dangers of early dementia made a lot of sense and would be the dealbreaker for me in letting my mother care for my daughter. I actually thought your post prior to this one, about backing up your daughter in her feeling unsafe with someone made a lot of sense. It's nice that they want to spend time together, but realistically that time needs to be supervised to ensure they, especially your mother, are acting appropriately, and it doesn't sound like you will be able to supervise such visits right now with baby number two appearing any day. Good luck, OP.
Anonymous
10/22/2014 09:15
Subject: Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
If your mother has shown the beginnings of dementia, she cannot be alone with your child. Even if you just have a mother's helper around with her, you need to have someone else there.
Anonymous
10/22/2014 09:12
Subject: Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unless your mother has abused your daughter, this behavior allowed by you, is inexcusable. If any of my children ever treated anyone like this, there would have been immediate consequences. She is a mean girl bully in the making.
I highly doubt that just because a toddler occasionally throws toys and hits means that she's a "bully in the making." She's being a toddler. And fyi, whenever I saw her hit or throw toys at my mother, I stepped in and gave her clear limits and told her it was unacceptable.
She's going to be a bully or a person who is a pain in another way. Step it up. Your kid would not be allowed to play with my kid.
Anonymous
10/22/2014 09:11
Subject: Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
You need to teach your kid to behave better. No way in my house would a kid throw toys or hit. My sister used to get away with that shit with my grandmother and as an adult she is beyond self-centered. Yeah, we don't hit, but in some cultures it happens. Your kid and mother both sound out of control.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 01:35
Subject: Toddler daughter is mean to my mom
Anonymous wrote:Unless your mother has abused your daughter, this behavior allowed by you, is inexcusable. If any of my children ever treated anyone like this, there would have been immediate consequences. She is a mean girl bully in the making.
I highly doubt that just because a toddler occasionally throws toys and hits means that she's a "bully in the making." She's being a toddler. And fyi, whenever I saw her hit or throw toys at my mother, I stepped in and gave her clear limits and told her it was unacceptable.