Anonymous
10/16/2014 18:44
Subject: Trying to understand my daughter......
OP I married at 25. My mother had died- I had been engaged for a few months to someone I had known for many years. Point being: she never got to see me marry, but she knew I would.
We were childless for a long time, but after 12 years realized we would be making a mistake if we didnt at least try. Now we have an 8 year old daughter, and it would have been a terrible mistake to not have her.
We have had our ups and downs marriage wise and financially. I think often of how my mother might have perceived our journey. I was an only child, and she was (I realized after she died) my best friend and rock.
I remember when she was ill from cancer (her cause of death) she said she worried I would make mistakes, things she could not advise me on because she would not be around. I remember our discussion only vaguely, but the end result was we concluded all anyone can ever do is their very best. It may not be the absolute best by everyone's standards, but there are few absolutes in these matters.
As someone whose mother died young (age 50) I have no illusions that I can assume to be around to monitor my daughters progress through life. I can only hope that she retains her spirit as a loving human being, and protects herself from those who might do her harm.
As to ambition, you might consider the more humble approach that we cannot presume to define ambition for others. "Arrival" at a goal is a subtle thing at times, and not always what it appears to be. So it is with destiny.
We were childless for a long time, but after 12 years realized we would be making a mistake if we didnt at least try. Now we have an 8 year old daughter, and it would have been a terrible mistake to not have her.
We have had our ups and downs marriage wise and financially. I think often of how my mother might have perceived our journey. I was an only child, and she was (I realized after she died) my best friend and rock.
I remember when she was ill from cancer (her cause of death) she said she worried I would make mistakes, things she could not advise me on because she would not be around. I remember our discussion only vaguely, but the end result was we concluded all anyone can ever do is their very best. It may not be the absolute best by everyone's standards, but there are few absolutes in these matters.
As someone whose mother died young (age 50) I have no illusions that I can assume to be around to monitor my daughters progress through life. I can only hope that she retains her spirit as a loving human being, and protects herself from those who might do her harm.
As to ambition, you might consider the more humble approach that we cannot presume to define ambition for others. "Arrival" at a goal is a subtle thing at times, and not always what it appears to be. So it is with destiny.
Anonymous
10/15/2014 10:53
Subject: Re:Trying to understand my daughter......
If my now elementary aged daughter grows up to be someone's wife and that's it, I will feel I have failed her.
It is natural for you to feel this way, you are at the very beginning of this parenting journey. Most likely the outcome will not come as a big surprise - not if you are paying attention. By 18 or 21 your daughter will have earned her role as independent adult. My guess is you will be ready to respect that.
Anonymous
10/15/2014 10:43
Subject: Trying to understand my daughter......
Anonymous wrote:So I love threads like this. Where people are so quick to criticize and call OP names even ("you are an absolute nightmare") and yet, if OP had described the exact scenario but the child was her SON and not a daughter, that son would be a "loser" and a "freeloader." The comments on here are totally sexist. Can no one see that?
There was recently a thread where a woman was complaining that her BIL didn't do anything all day (according to the OP) and people told her the same thing. So, no, I don't think the comments here have anything to do with gender.