I think the secret to enjoying people, places, and life in general is to manage one's expectations.

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is an alcoholic and a mean one at that. He's also abusive towards MIL. MIL is well meaning, but can not stop herself from criticizing everything - from the way DH combs his hair & ties his tie, to how I scramble eggs, and my decision to work outside the home (and since I am working, might as well judge what I wear to work as well). I would love my complaints about them to be that they only lasted 90 minutes at the museum and didn't let me do their laundry.

I get it, it's frustrating being cooped up with your ILs (or any relatives really) for 10 whole days, so you do get to complain but other than the unsanitary cup thing, is that really all you got?

Okay! You win! Your mil is worse. Poor you!

My FIL is an alcoholic and a mean one at that. He's also abusive towards MIL. MIL is well meaning, but can not stop herself from criticizing everything - from the way DH combs his hair & ties his tie, to how I scramble eggs, and my decision to work outside the home (and since I am working, might as well judge what I wear to work as well). I would love my complaints about them to be that they only lasted 90 minutes at the museum and didn't let me do their laundry.

I get it, it's frustrating being cooped up with your ILs (or any relatives really) for 10 whole days, so you do get to complain but other than the unsanitary cup thing, is that really all you got?

Cultural differences and ways of doing things can be the cause for misunderstanding and differences of opinion.

Having lived in the UK for many years and also in parts of Europe, I would have to say that standards of hygiene are very different than we find in the US. So this is something that would be difficult to relate to when one has guests from one of those countries.

But Americans can also be quite insensitive and disrespectful of the traditions of other countries and cultures. For example:

- there are cultures that don't wear shoes in the house and yet I have known Americans who are oblivious of this when they visit their houses although it is obvious they should remove their footwear.

- I have seen Americans and other Westerners - especially women - dress quite inappropriately when they visit religious sites in other countries. I recall a nun in a church in the Holy Land telling off a young white lady for wearing revealing clothes as she entered a church.

- then we have Americans and other English speaking people get irritated with people in a foreign country because they cannot speak English.

- there are customs observed in other countries which many Westerners are almost contemptuous of when they visit those countries. The reasoning is usually that those are antiquated customs and those countries should adapt with the times. But just as we expect people to assimilate and respect how we do things, I don't see why we should not do the same when we go abroad.

I tend to be sympathetic to the OP who tried to be hospitable with her in-laws but I think her frustration is more the result of not having a sufficient understanding of the expectations of how her in-laws wanted to spend their time.

OP, you don't value diversity, do you? (On that note, my mom had a habit of rinsing cups. I asked her to either wash them or leave them in the sink. Problem solved. If DH were as disrespectful to my parents as you are to your in-laws, he'd be in for some buttkicking. You should know better.)

Do you really think when you're 70 you're going to want to hang out at a children's museum for more than 15 minutes? God, I can hardly stand the A&S museum now and I have a kid (actually he dislikes it more than me). Sounds like they've done enough tourism in their lives. Next time take them to some beautiful gardens, the arboretum, Dumbarton Oaks, stuff like that. They sound lovely.

OP here.

Wow - this has gotten nasty and many assumptions have been made about foreigners and respect for differing cultures.

FWIW, I went to University in the UK. I lived there for many years and am well aware of the cultural differences. As you can imagine, the types of people I met as a 25 yr old in London are not the same types that are from a tiny town up north. So my vent was just that....my inlaws are lovely, decent people who just have very different habits to ours and grew up in a very different way with regards to hygiene and education.

And yes, all cups and dishes went in the sanitize cycle after they left!

How is it an inconvenience for you not to do your MIL's laundry? She wasn't asking you to hang it in the sun. She simply asked you not to do it for her. That's fair.

Did you ask MIL to put the rinsed cups in the dishwasher instead of the cupboards? Did she refuse? Or did you silently suffer on that?

Anonymous wrote:Good for them for line drying!


That said, just reading the phrase, "10 day staycation with ILs" made my stomach clench up.

+1 - I love my inlaws very much, and at the end of 10 days I would be ready for some hari kari.

I wouldn't like the dishes thing, but other than that, who cares about the other stuff? So they don't like the touristy DC thing, some people don't.

Perhaps you don't realize that many British people done use dryers? A lot of these sound like cultural differences that you're being very closed-minded about.

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow you sound like a snot. The rinsing dishes thing is the only part of your post that's remotely reasonable to complain about.

This. You're complaining because they weren't as impressed with the "capital city of the most powerful nation on earth" as you thought they should be? And they showed concern and interest in a homeless person? And because they asked you not to do their laundry? Seriously? You are a pain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You complain about this? Try having abusive, narcissistic, and mean-spirited for a change. Pfffft.

+1

I have to agree with this. Some MILs need to be burned at the stake. At sundown. With all of the DIL's present. Maybe a public stoning. Sorry, getting lost in a vision......

. After reading DCUM family, I think the same could be said for dils. Sad, that there are so many vile and self-centered people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hit a nerve. Sorry your husband's foreign family doesn't respect women.

Ha-ha! It was me who called you a Bitch! So, blame my all-American upbringing for that!

LOL - at the idiot who thinks she knows about foreign cultures. But then she would be assumed to be a loose woman with no moral standards in some foreign cultures just because she is from the west. Ignorance has no geographical limitations.

Oh, I am also an all-American product!

So your husband's family thinks you're a whore?

And that is what your moronic brain gleaned from my comment? It shows you are not only ignorant but a cretin.

FYI, my husband is also as American as apple pie.

Anonymous wrote:You complain about this? Try having abusive, narcissistic, and mean-spirited for a change. Pfffft.

+1

I have to agree with this. Some MILs need to be burned at the stake. At sundown. With all of the DIL's present. Maybe a public stoning. Sorry, getting lost in a vision......