Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 11:59     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:O9:14, does OP think her. MIL is a closet lesbian a .net d wants to have a fling with her?


9:14 here. Doubt it. But if you have a history with someone who has boundary issues then you would relate more to OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 10:54     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:O9:14, does OP think her. MIL is a closet lesbian a .net d wants to have a fling with her?


That's just stupid.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 10:53     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
O9:14, does OP think her. MIL is a closet lesbian a .net d wants to have a fling with her?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 09:14     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:Just tell her that you do not want her to tell you that she loves you. It will be obvious to her that you are a jackass, so do not worry about her misunderstanding you. In future only you husband should have anything to do with his mother and only he should take grandchildren to see her. I hope that your children's spouses treat you the same way you are treating your husband's mother.


OP is not a jackass. She doesn't feel comfortable with a level of intimacy and closeness MIl is pushing. OP feels there is more to the words than a kind sentiment coming from MIL in particular.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 21:35     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Just tell her that you do not want her to tell you that she loves you. It will be obvious to her that you are a jackass, so do not worry about her misunderstanding you. In future only you husband should have anything to do with his mother and only he should take grandchildren to see her. I hope that your children's spouses treat you the same way you are treating your husband's mother.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 21:17     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.


You are short sighted and judgemental.

If something gives you the "ick" it's OK to honor the feeling. OP already said her MIL was a boundry violator. She has valid reason for feeling uncomfortable.


OP said awkward not ick.


OP here. Awkward is a good descriptor, extremely uncomfortable and slightly emotionally unsafe is more accurate. Ick? Not sure about that... I don't feel like "ew, that's gross" or anything... just like there is a big, huge red flag going up.


"Ick" poster here. I didn't mean that literally. Just as a shorthand. If something makes you feel awkward it's ok to acknowledge that it does. There might be good reason for it.

Thanks... I really believe this is true. Without having to justify/explain more than I should online, some emotional distance is 100% appropriate. I think what I am looking for is a reason to keep someone at arm's length when they are trying to get too close, given the context... and when the very immediate context is just a nice "I love you" superficially (as others have pointed out).
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 21:06     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.


You are short sighted and judgemental.

If something gives you the "ick" it's OK to honor the feeling. OP already said her MIL was a boundry violator. She has valid reason for feeling uncomfortable.


OP said awkward not ick.


OP here. Awkward is a good descriptor, extremely uncomfortable and slightly emotionally unsafe is more accurate. Ick? Not sure about that... I don't feel like "ew, that's gross" or anything... just like there is a big, huge red flag going up.


"Ick" poster here. I didn't mean that literally. Just as a shorthand. If something makes you feel awkward it's ok to acknowledge that it does. There might be good reason for it.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 21:01     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.


You are short sighted and judgemental.

If something gives you the "ick" it's OK to honor the feeling. OP already said her MIL was a boundry violator. She has valid reason for feeling uncomfortable.


OP said awkward not ick.


OP here. Awkward is a good descriptor, extremely uncomfortable and slightly emotionally unsafe is more accurate. Ick? Not sure about that... I don't feel like "ew, that's gross" or anything... just like there is a big, huge red flag going up.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 19:04     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.


You are short sighted and judgemental.

If something gives you the "ick" it's OK to honor the feeling. OP already said her MIL was a boundry violator. She has valid reason for feeling uncomfortable.


OP said awkward not ick.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 17:12     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.


You are short sighted and judgemental.

If something gives you the "ick" it's OK to honor the feeling. OP already said her MIL was a boundry violator. She has valid reason for feeling uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 10:07     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
What the hell is wrong with some of you? Somebody says, and maybe means, they love you and you act as they are giving you ebola! You are pathetic.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2014 13:07     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't a big problem in the scheme of things... but...

I have a MIL who always says "I love you" whenever we say goodbye. I feel that awkward moment like when you are dating someone and you don't want to say it back. Ironically I probably do love her in some ways, but...

I don't know. What to do?



Good lord. MILs can't win. Unfortunately for me, I have only sons, so I will have DILs. Hopefully I won't have DILs like this. Geez.


There's a chance DIL will not feel as close to you as her own mother, even if they don't have a great relationship. There's a chance your sons will not make the same effort to stay in touch with you, keep you in the loop, tell you the latest about the kids, maintain the type of bond you feel now. There is a chance your sons will take her side, defend her when you can't see what part you played in some family misunderstanding. If you are able to live with that, treat DIL as an adult equal to yourself, (bonus points for NOT trying to turn her into the daughter you never had) and appreciate that she and your son can grow their family in a way you may not like or be comfortable with, then I wish you well. You're further along then some MILs described here.

I hope you are able to create a good relationship with the women your sons go out into the world and find and build their lives with.



I only have daughters and I find the comments siding with OP ridiculous. Really this is about issues with the listener, not the speaker. I hope I raise my daughters so they are Comfortable hearing they are loved by people outside their nuclear/family of origin and that they have the ability to form loving mother-like relationship with their partners' mother.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2014 20:33     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Coming to this forum makes me know I am not "weird" my parents in-law always say they love me and my response is usually "we love you too both" lol, it's very sweet but awkward. They should stick with "we miss you" or something ... Love is too deep
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2014 17:46     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Anonymous wrote:1. Get over yourself. This woman raised the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

2. Smile

3. Say, "Love you too Maisy."

4. Continue to get over yourself.


+1

IDK if you have kids and they're present when your MIL says "I love you", but if you do, be thankful they've got a loving grandma. I can count on one hand the times my grandmother told me that she loved me, and that was the way abusers are wont to say it, after a scathing put down. You know, as in "I only say that because I love you". That's a big emptiness to have in one's life.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2014 09:51     Subject: MIL always saying I love you
Mine does this too. I feel awkward about it because she drives me crazy. But I also see this as her way of trying to be close, even though we aren't. I just reply "love you too" and hang up quickly.