Microaggression? Seriously??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last time I checked the wedding was about the bride and groom. Who cares what the dad thinks/wants. ITA with the PP who said that her dad would be upset if she compromised her beliefs for his ego.

It is not just about the bride and groom (or bride and bride, or groom and groom). It is about both of them leaving their families or origin and creating a new family. There is beautiful symbolism in that and nothing wrong with honoring your family and involving them in your wedding in meaningful ways. We found ways to incorporate nearly everyone who was truly meaningful to us - family AND friends. This narcissistic "it's my/our day" crap really bothers me. If you don't think it holds powerful meaning for parents, you either have no children or have no feelings. I dread the thought of my son marrying a woman who has your attitude and values her own family and future family with such disdain.

Good gawd! What were you, 22 when you got married? Just out of college and didn't live with your BF before you got married? I was 35 when I got married, hadn't lived with my family of origin in 18 years and had been living with DH for 3 years. DH and I didn't need a wedding to create our new 'family'. Our parents were grateful we got married - and had a ceremony instead of eloping. DH and I walked down the aisle together. You had the wedding you wanted, your kids should have the ones they want.

No, I was 29 and had lived with my DH for two years. I guess I just value and honor my family more than you.

Bless your heart.

Anonymous wrote:If you're going to *constantly* commit microaggressions against your parents like this, don't expect them to fall over themselves to "help" when it comes to having kids, getting a home, etc.

Agreed. Our culture is so self-centered it's astounding. These kinds of petty "convictions" are just not hills worth dying on.

If you're going to *constantly* commit microaggressions against your parents like this, don't expect them to fall over themselves to "help" when it comes to having kids, getting a home, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last time I checked the wedding was about the bride and groom. Who cares what the dad thinks/wants. ITA with the PP who said that her dad would be upset if she compromised her beliefs for his ego.

It is not just about the bride and groom (or bride and bride, or groom and groom). It is about both of them leaving their families or origin and creating a new family. There is beautiful symbolism in that and nothing wrong with honoring your family and involving them in your wedding in meaningful ways. We found ways to incorporate nearly everyone who was truly meaningful to us - family AND friends. This narcissistic "it's my/our day" crap really bothers me. If you don't think it holds powerful meaning for parents, you either have no children or have no feelings. I dread the thought of my son marrying a woman who has your attitude and values her own family and future family with such disdain.

Good gawd! What were you, 22 when you got married? Just out of college and didn't live with your BF before you got married? I was 35 when I got married, hadn't lived with my family of origin in 18 years and had been living with DH for 3 years. DH and I didn't need a wedding to create our new 'family'. Our parents were grateful we got married - and had a ceremony instead of eloping. DH and I walked down the aisle together. You had the wedding you wanted, your kids should have the ones they want.

No, I was 29 and had lived with my DH for two years. I guess I just value and honor my family more than you.

One practical thing to consider. On the day of my wedding I was ultimately so grateful to have my dad escort me because I was actually pretty nervous and shaky. The emotion of the moment was pretty overwhelming and I apprectauted having the emotional as well as physical support by my dear dad. Not all women are emotional like me and get jelly knees when nervous, but for me it was a help as well as something precious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last time I checked the wedding was about the bride and groom. Who cares what the dad thinks/wants. ITA with the PP who said that her dad would be upset if she compromised her beliefs for his ego.

It is not just about the bride and groom (or bride and bride, or groom and groom). It is about both of them leaving their families or origin and creating a new family. There is beautiful symbolism in that and nothing wrong with honoring your family and involving them in your wedding in meaningful ways. We found ways to incorporate nearly everyone who was truly meaningful to us - family AND friends. This narcissistic "it's my/our day" crap really bothers me. If you don't think it holds powerful meaning for parents, you either have no children or have no feelings. I dread the thought of my son marrying a woman who has your attitude and values her own family and future family with such disdain.

Good gawd! What were you, 22 when you got married? Just out of college and didn't live with your BF before you got married? I was 35 when I got married, hadn't lived with my family of origin in 18 years and had been living with DH for 3 years. DH and I didn't need a wedding to create our new 'family'. Our parents were grateful we got married - and had a ceremony instead of eloping. DH and I walked down the aisle together. You had the wedding you wanted, your kids should have the ones they want.

When you tell your parents that you're getting married, you say, "You know you've raised me to be independent, so it's really important to me that we pay for the wedding ourselves and walk ourselves down the aisle. I love you both, but being escorted by my parents just isn't me. [But I'm looking forward to my first dance with you, Dad! <-- if you're having dancing at the wedding]"

MarleySkye840 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MarleySkye840 wrote:I don't want to be walked down the aisle. I feel that the whole tradition of "I am giving this woman to you" is just creepy to me. I want to (symbolically) give myself to my future husband of my own volition. I know the idea of "giving away" is outdated, but the practice is weird to me.

Get over it. If you dad wants to walk you down the aisle, let him. Weddings are for making parents happy, not having a big "me, me, me" day. If you can't do it to keep your dad happy, then elope.

Really?? I highly doubt that many people share that opinion.


and no I don't think it is supposed to be all about me, I just think that is one thing that I do feel strongly about.

You are hurting your dad's feelings because you have "strong feelings." How is that not self-centered?

Anonymous wrote:Last time I checked the wedding was about the bride and groom. Who cares what the dad thinks/wants. ITA with the PP who said that her dad would be upset if she compromised her beliefs for his ego.

It is not just about the bride and groom (or bride and bride, or groom and groom). It is about both of them leaving their families or origin and creating a new family. There is beautiful symbolism in that and nothing wrong with honoring your family and involving them in your wedding in meaningful ways. We found ways to incorporate nearly everyone who was truly meaningful to us - family AND friends. This narcissistic "it's my/our day" crap really bothers me. If you don't think it holds powerful meaning for parents, you either have no children or have no feelings. I dread the thought of my son marrying a woman who has your attitude and values her own family and future family with such disdain.

MarleySkye840 wrote:Yes, my dad is part of my life. I love him dearly. I guess the subject heading was a bit harsh. I said before that I hate the idea of being given away, but I could compromise with having the minister take out the "Who gives this woman away" part and still have the moment of my dad walking me down the aisle.

Immediate PP, I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not. I think that some traditions are rooted in unfavorable ideals and I don't agree with them. Much like the wedding ring, however the ring has come to be an exchange between husband and wife. However the "giving away" is still the same.

Not everywhere. I got married in a Catholic ceremony and "who gives this woman" and all that wasn't in the vows at all - was never even discussed. I DID insist on taking out "obey," though. That was still there and a bridge too far! My (lefty) priest had no issue with that.