Report to police immediately and get a TRO. He hit you once and never give him the chance to do it again. Believe me, he will. Go to a divorce lawyer now.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sorry there are so many people here saying awful things. I'm a new poster and kept checking back to make sure you are ok. It sounds like you have a plan in place and I urge you to follow through. I still wish you would report this to the police so you have a record of this. And you may need that proof in any sort of custody battle if you end up in one. It will be hard and he'll say all sorts of things to get you back, but your kids need you to stick to your guns on this. I also hope you have a chance to reach out to an organization that supports women going through domestic abuse. Good luck.

+1 and ignore the idiots on here. Everyone can see they are idiots, I promise.

Anonymous wrote:Was this a drunken shove or a hard punch?

How long have you been married and was this the first time?

I don't have a knee-jerk reaction to calling the cops unless I know more. Neighbors will ask why they are there, etc.

Given the nature and circumstances not sure if this is repetitive. Does he always have anger issues? Was this isolated? Is he a drinker and alcohol does this?

There is a lot to consider.

All of this is irrelevant. He threw a drunk and abused his wife. Fuck the neighbours. Fuck you.

Anonymous wrote:This particular story sounds fishy to me. Just doesn't feel right for some reason.

NP: And all these posts questioning the timeline and saying OP's post sound fishy are fishy to me. You sound like someone who identifies with OPs abusive DH.

OP's situation is way way too common, and way way too real. And it rarely, rarely gets better on it's own. OP if alcohol is the trigger for your husband, absolutely go through with your safety plan, get yourself and your kids out, and do not even discuss working things out unless he agrees to both alcohol abuse counseling and marriage counseling. But don't trust words. Words are not action, and no matter what promises he makes, you have time to see if he's going to keep them. Do not go running back or fall for promises of a new day and his totally reformed behavior. If he promises you those things, make him show you and your kids he can sustain whatever changes he's making over time before you go back.

Once you actually leave, there is often a honeymoon period full of remorse and promises and what looks like good, reformed behavior. But without any other interventions it almost always downward spirals to an even lower, more violent level than it was before.

Good luck OP, good for you for doing the right thing for you and your kids. Next time you MUST call the police. Your DH needs to know you're not messing around, and you need to make sure there's a record of these incidences so if there's ever a custody battle, you have documented these issues. Get copies of any police reports. And DO call local domestic violence hotlines, DO make a real safetly plan for you and your kids until you actually leave, and DO understand that he will most likely seem to get much better (or just go straight to much worse), but either way, unless he also admits to his problems, horrible behavior, and takes responsibility, you can't trust any other promises of better times. Limited contact with alcoholic abusive dad is better for your kids than living with alcoholic abusive dad.

One hit, one slap, is one too many. And verbal abuse is just as bad. It leaves scars that take forever to heal. Sometimes they never do.

I always think of Laci Peterson and her unborn baby. No one ever saw abuse nor did they hear of it from her yet look what happened.

If you don't want to call the police, go stay with family, go stay with friends, just go somewhere but don't stay in the home with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, weird jump to calling his mother after 11pm to talk some sense into him. What???

If you've ever been on the spot like this, often the first thing you think of is calling a family member for help.

No... That would be the police. Someone beats your ass and you say, wait, I'm going to call your momma?

Yes. Actually... you don't want your H in jail, or to lose his job and most likely he does not want his parents to know he hits his wife so you call HIS mom or his brother.

Domestic violence survivor here - yes. That could easily be your first reaction. If you've never been in an abusive relationship, you can't possibly understand. The OPs husband didn't just decide to start being abusive today. It starts gradually typically with emotional and verbal abuse. You feel like you have no power. My ex threatened to disappear with my children. It is usually a gradual process. I ended up in the ER. I have no doubt my ex would have eventually killed me.

OP- If you can't call the police, take pictures of your face. Call your local domestic violence hotline but do not let your husband find out. They will help. You can leave. They will show you how to do it safely. Clear your computer history so that he does not see this thread.

If you feel threatened right now, call the police or take your child and leave. Stay with a friend or go to a hotel, Do not stay in that house if you feel like you are in danger.

OP please do an update. I am hoping against hope that you were able to get him to move out of the house and that you have separated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there something sexy about dangerous men? I was unthreatening and had a hell of a time getting dates in high school and (to a lesser extent) in college. The dudes with tempers always seemed to have dates.

Lots of people have mental problems. Particularly women grow up in a culture that constantly barrages them with messages about how they are not good enough, not pretty enough, are in many ways less-than-acceptable.

From what I've read this week on the "why I stayed" topic, women confuse abuse for "passion", he acts this way because he loves me, I will never be able to get anyone else, no one else will ever love me this much, etc. etc. By the time things escalate, and the women figure out that this has been a terrible mistake, the women are usually in way too deep financially and perhaps with kids to be able to easily walk away. If he will let them.

x2!! LOVE this comment. Thats what people dont realize: the roots of abuse go far deeper, for both the victim and the abuser.

Anonymous wrote:Is there something sexy about dangerous men? I was unthreatening and had a hell of a time getting dates in high school and (to a lesser extent) in college. The dudes with tempers always seemed to have dates.

Lots of people have mental problems. Particularly women grow up in a culture that constantly barrages them with messages about how they are not good enough, not pretty enough, are in many ways less-than-acceptable.

From what I've read this week on the "why I stayed" topic, women confuse abuse for "passion", he acts this way because he loves me, I will never be able to get anyone else, no one else will ever love me this much, etc. etc. By the time things escalate, and the women figure out that this has been a terrible mistake, the women are usually in way too deep financially and perhaps with kids to be able to easily walk away. If he will let them.

OP, I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sorry there are so many people here saying awful things. I'm a new poster and kept checking back to make sure you are ok. It sounds like you have a plan in place and I urge you to follow through. I still wish you would report this to the police so you have a record of this. And you may need that proof in any sort of custody battle if you end up in one. It will be hard and he'll say all sorts of things to get you back, but your kids need you to stick to your guns on this. I also hope you have a chance to reach out to an organization that supports women going through domestic abuse. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, weird jump to calling his mother after 11pm to talk some sense into him. What???

She posted at 1:47 pm. So that already isn't true

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. The post is from today. It's only 10:36 right now but she says her spouse came home at 11 P.M. I was lost after the first sentence due to the HUGE timeline problem.

01:47 = 1:47am. 13:47 = 1:47pm.

Come on people.

OP, I am a child of domestic violence. My father had been abusing my mother for a while, and she was too afraid to leave for a number of reasons. She finally did when my father threatened to go after me (I was 11, and it was my birthday).

I'm an adult now, but it has taken a lot of therapy to make sure I didn't end up with someone like my father, and I'm not sure my mom has every really come to terms with this abuse.

Please leave this man. Kick him out or go, but do not stay in this relationship. Love doesn't hurt and it sure as hell doesn't hit or threaten you. That's about power, nothing else.

I'm thinking of you and sending strength your way.