Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell her how you feel, not to guilt her into coming, but to clear the air. Things like this can fester over time and it does no one any good.
I'm betting after she became an empty nester she had to figure out her life and her volunteering has become important to her. Not that she doesn't love you, but you have your own life and family. And once things get back to normal for you, she's left to go back to her volunteer activities ( the people she bailed on ).
This is simply the flipside of all of the posters who rant, bitch and complain when their aging parents need help and the posters have "their own lives," kids, jobs and can't be bothered by their parent's lack of planning and health issues.
Elder health issues and dementia and the like are a far cry from what the OP is asking.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel OP. When I had baby #2, he was a preemie and in the NICU for a week. My mom went on a ski vacation and didn't even call for several days to see how the baby was.
No cell towers. Why should She call. She was on vacation. Her world does not revolve around you, your k u ds, or your problems.
Anonymous wrote:Well, I sorta thought she would be interested in whether he lived or died. But yeah. Her world revolves around her. Good luck to her in the "memory care unit" with that attitude.
Anonymous wrote:OP, i think there is quite a bit going on here. I think you are anxious about your DH leaving, are very hormonal and worried about how to deal with three.
So I think you want your Mom not just for the extra hands but also for comfort for you. I think you can express this to her. I always wanted my Mom after my children were born. She never came but I had this longing for her. So I will leave space for that when my daughters have children.
If all you really want is the extra set of hands, well start lining up sitters. But my hunch is you want more than someone to help with dinner and laundry. You want company and emotional support and your Mom has obligations (however dismissive you are about them). So this why you come off a little bratty. I do not find you bratty just not very self aware.
Thank you for your husbands service and best of luck to you.
Anonymous wrote:Aren't there lots of support groups for military spouses? What do you need help with? Hire a babysitter to watch kids when you are in labor. Or one of your friends. Or a member of a spouse support group. Then come home and do your normal stuff. This is kid #3.
Anonymous wrote:Just let it go.
Did she describe what her volunteer obligation was? What if it is to help someone who is in a much more dire situation than you?
Then there are the moms who won't help anyway. My mom is one of those. I wouldn't dream of asking her to come in a situation like yours, because 1) she wouldn't want to come in the first place, and 2) if I said something, she'd come, but be resentful the entire time. I'm betting your mom isn't one of these types. Feel lucky that you have a mom that cares enough to come later, and find someone else to help in the time that she can't.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell her how you feel, not to guilt her into coming, but to clear the air. Things like this can fester over time and it does no one any good.
I'm betting after she became an empty nester she had to figure out her life and her volunteering has become important to her. Not that she doesn't love you, but you have your own life and family. And once things get back to normal for you, she's left to go back to her volunteer activities ( the people she bailed on ).
This is simply the flipside of all of the posters who rant, bitch and complain when their aging parents need help and the posters have "their own lives," kids, jobs and can't be bothered by their parent's lack of planning and health issues.