OP, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days--I really hope the messages in this thread have steeled your resolve to at the very least stand up for yourself and to see that your husband's demands are way out of line. I wouldn't want to tell you what to do about the marriage (though if I did, I'd say get the heck out of there!), but one way or the other, I'm hoping that this thread did some good. From your follow-up, it sounds like it, but you should come back and re-read any time you feel your resolve flagging.

No way he will file for divorce! Where else can he find such a nice victim? Crazy.....

Yes, OP, unfortunately for you, at whatever deadline you've set, he'll just express dissatisfaction again, make more demands, and tell you how lucky you are that he's decided to "give you another chance." And you'll be back on the hamster wheel.

Unless you, y'know, actually figure out what *you* want from now to then, and then treat that as a deal-breaker.

No way he will file for divorce! Where else can he find such a nice victim? Crazy.....

Anonymous wrote:Ditch That Mother Fuckin Asshole?

Dump the MF'er Already

Your post made me sad OP, but also angry...Not at you, but for your husband. I hope that he is not making you feel as if you as a woman/person, etc...whatever...are not enough for him because no one should EVER make anyone feel less than what they are. If he is making comments to you to "drive the point home," then to me, he is only adding more fuel to an already blazing fire.

Have you discussed seeking couples counseling together w/him? If so, is he willing to give it a shot?

If not, then I see no other option but to let things go.
It sounds to me like you have done everything in your power to be an exceptional wife to him + if that is not enough, than the marriage has run its course.

You need to find someone who can appreciate you at full face value. Someone who will appreciate that your best IS good enough for him.

I know this hurts like the dickens now, but later on you will emerge a much stronger individual who will be much better equipped to deal w/anything life throws at her.

I promise.

OP what you have is not really a marriage. Maybe technically it is but it has none of the features of marriage, except perhaps for a kid, who was an accident.

You need to stop having sex with your so called husband.

I do not understand why you are putting up with his narcissistic behavior.
Is he much younger? Is he very attractive?

In the short term, stop doing things you don't want to be doing. Unless you are really in the mood to give him a BJ, tell him you are tired of his penis and all its demands.

You have given him complete control and he will continue to abuse it. He may or may not realize what a douche bag he's being once you stand up for yourself. But either way, you'll be taking a step in the right direction.

(I'd also let him cook for himself and do whatever else he's shirking that won't affect your child.)

I realize we are reading just the OP's side of things, but yes, if things are as she describes them, she should do herself a favor and DTMFA.

I'd suggest that regardless of marital counseling, she find a therapist for herself. OP, you need and deserve someone to talk to.

Op reading your responses makes me really upset. You are clearly in an abusive relationship and have become so down on yourself that you can't think clearly. He is telling you that you aren't "enough" and no matter what you do it's not good enough.
This sounds exactly like my ex. he talked down to me and made me feel like a worthless piece if shit. When someone treats you like this long enough- you really start to believe them.
He is destroying yourself esteem. Please get to a therapist and realize that his issues of being not happy are related to something being majorly wrong with him. Does he have a messed up childhood? Divorced parents? My ex was a narcissistic perfectionist sex addict stemming from a bad childhood and abandonment issues. This guy sounds just like him. You will never be good enough no matter what you do and he will constantly gaslight you to make you feel like everything is your fault.

A good therapist will help you realize what an asshole you are married to. Please do this. You deserve so much better than feeling like this. I would be proactive and think about how YOU are going to leave him, not vice versa.

He is bringing you down emotionally so he can control you. Please know that you are doubting yourself because of him. Look inside yourself and know you are a good person and if he can't work with you then you've done more than meet him halfway! Then leave.

I am so glad you are taking this step, OP.

A year from now, with a little luck, you will be able to read this post and you won't believe the position you were in. It will be like a miracle occurred how much happier you are now that this loser is out of your life.

My poor dear OP,

Thank your lucky stars that you are gainfully employed and that you can leave this terribly selfish and likely narcissistic brute.
Please realize that you are a doormat and that a healthy marriage does not involve that much giving from one person and that much demanding from the other.

Please get therapy for yourself, not to repair the marriage, but to understand how to assert your needs better in the future, with another person.

You should prepare your divorce from this man carefully, with a lawyer. Please do not give him anything. He has used you for too long already.

Good luck!
Stay strong.

I hope you leave him, OP. He sounds horrible, horrible, horrible. He doesn't deserve you or anybody else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've been reading all the replies and appreciate the insights and perspectives. I was lucky enough to get a Dr's appointment for tomorrow to talk about antidepressants and counselor recommendations/referral. Thanks again. Things seem better in the day time of course but I realize that I do need real help. Thanks.

This makes MY day, OP. Even if it doesn't make yours. Hugs.

What??!! No way I would medicate myself for a huge jerk. OMG.

I guess if it helps get through whatever you have to do, in the short term, 6 mos where you rip your bandaid of marriage off, but don't do it to feel happier in the same situation. The pain is a sign...

The idea is to medicate yourself, get back some confidence/self esteem/happiness and move on with your life (most likely without him.)