[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cater to HER, whatever she likes: maybe date nights, extra help around the house and with the kids, vacations, jewelry, telling her how much you love and admire her and how irresistible you find her. [/quote]

Why does he need to "cater to her"? Why shouldn't she be interested in having sex with someone she supposedly loves and married?

If a wife complains about her DH not showing interested, would your first suggestion be for her to buy him stuff and take him and cater to him? Of course not. You seem to view sex as a commodity that should be used to coerce things from other people, and it's gross.[/quote]

Um you missed the point. The idea is to make her feel great about herself and him, and to relax--[b]if he were my husband that would get him somewhere often[/b].[/quote]

Very nice for your husband, but that'll get plenty of higher drive husbands absolutely nowhere. What's worse, they're likely to feel like chumps after they've tried and end up feeling like they're just rewarding their wives for not having sex with them. At least that's how I felt when I tried upping my game by catering to my wife.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cater to HER, whatever she likes: maybe date nights, extra help around the house and with the kids, vacations, jewelry, telling her how much you love and admire her and how irresistible you find her. [/quote]

Why does he need to "cater to her"? Why shouldn't she be interested in having sex with someone she supposedly loves and married?

If a wife complains about her DH not showing interested, would your first suggestion be for her to buy him stuff and take him and cater to him? Of course not. You seem to view sex as a commodity that should be used to coerce things from other people, and it's gross.[/quote]

Um you missed the point. The idea is to make her feel great about herself and him, and to relax--if he were my husband that would get him somewhere often.

Just like in real life, a junk post from a male gets all kinds of attention.

Time to trade in the clunker for a shiny new model?

You place too much significance on her desire level.
It all comes down to attitude.
Sex can be quite mutually satisfying even with a low desire partner IF she brings a good attribute into bed.

Thing is that sex with an uninterested partner is basically masturbation. Some of what I want out of sex is just the physical sensation; but most of it has to do with the experience of another person who is into having sex with me.

Anonymous wrote:WTF? Why would she agree to sex x times per week?

Because he presents this in the context of their loving marriage where each meets the important needs of the other.

Anonymous wrote:She's uninterested.

So what? I do lots of things for my spouse that don't interest me. Why? She has expressed such things as an important need.

Anonymous wrote:If every neglected, undersexed DH who felt rejected and ignored by his DW simply asked for more sex and got it, we'd have a lot fewer affairs.

Yes we would indeed have fewer affairs. I suspect most DH don't ever really ask for it, or they ask wrong.
Does your wife have needs that you meet? Well bring all of this to the marital table, and present the his needs/her needs as an All-or-Nothing proposition.
A loving, intimate, happy marriage in which both meet the needs of one another..... or sterile roommates.
Why would I meet my wife's needs if she won't meet mine?

Anonymous wrote:You should cheat on her OP. You're already on your way if you're removing your ring. I hope you get what you need from someone younger, better looking, skinnier, smarter and more well adjusted than DW.

OP you should try my advice first.

Anonymous wrote:Cater to HER, whatever she likes: maybe date nights, extra help around the house and with the kids, vacations, jewelry, telling her how much you love and admire her and how irresistible you find her.

Why does he need to "cater to her"? Why shouldn't she be interested in having sex with someone she supposedly loves and married?

If a wife complains about her DH not showing interested, would your first suggestion be for her to buy him stuff and take him and cater to him? Of course not. You seem to view sex as a commodity that should be used to coerce things from other people, and it's gross.

Anonymous wrote:Your basic problem is you want somebody with LD (low desire) to jump your bones.
That's like wanting somebody who doesn't care much about art to conceive/plan/execute a trip to the museum.
It's just not gonna happen!!! Or if it does, it will be rare enough to frustrate a genuine art fan.

You need to re-adjust your expectations. Discard the need for her to first show active desire for sex.
This (her desire) is not very important anyway. What IS important is that she actually has regular sex with you.
It's like the old saying: 3 frogs sit on a rock, 1 decides to jump off, how many are left? (answer: 3)

It's the having sex part that is key, not the wanting to jump your bones.

I bet your DW would not, and could not, agree to want to jump your bones.
But I also bet your DW would agree to sex twice per week (or pick a number) if YOU do the initiating.
Trust me this can work out well for both of you.
She will be jumping your bones, although the idea never even occurred to her first.

I disagree. It's a problem if his wife has little sexual interest in him. Who wants to have sex with someone who couldn't care less?

OP's not a douche. His frigid wife is the problem.

Geez - OP is a big whiney douche. No wonder his DW doesn't want to bang him.

op marriages have ups and downs. Maybe you're in a lull. Time to talk to her and do something. I"ve been married 8 yrs. I love my dh and find him very attractive. Do I always show it? probably not. Maybe she needs a reminder? but despite showing him I do feel like a very lucky woman. Maybe she needs to be more expressive.

Anonymous wrote:Your basic problem is you want somebody with LD (low desire) to jump your bones.
That's like wanting somebody who doesn't care much about art to conceive/plan/execute a trip to the museum.
It's just not gonna happen!!! Or if it does, it will be rare enough to frustrate a genuine art fan.

You need to re-adjust your expectations. Discard the need for her to first show active desire for sex.
This (her desire) is not very important anyway. What IS important is that she actually has regular sex with you.
It's like the old saying: 3 frogs sit on a rock, 1 decides to jump off, how many are left? (answer: 3)

It's the having sex part that is key, not the wanting to jump your bones.

I bet your DW would not, and could not, agree to want to jump your bones.
But I also bet your DW would agree to sex twice per week (or pick a number) if YOU do the initiating.
Trust me this can work out well for both of you.
She will be jumping your bones, although the idea never even occurred to her first.

This is fine as long as you are ok with your spouse not actually desiring to have sex with you. If you flipped genders, and the man had no desire to have sex with his wife, but was willing to service her with a dildo if she really needed it, I doubt most people would call this some type of win-win. Better than nothing, probably.

Anonymous wrote:Your basic problem is you want somebody with LD (low desire) to jump your bones.
That's like wanting somebody who doesn't care much about art to conceive/plan/execute a trip to the museum.
It's just not gonna happen!!! Or if it does, it will be rare enough to frustrate a genuine art fan.

You need to re-adjust your expectations. Discard the need for her to first show active desire for sex.
This (her desire) is not very important anyway. What IS important is that she actually has regular sex with you.
It's like the old saying: 3 frogs sit on a rock, 1 decides to jump off, how many are left? (answer: 3)

It's the having sex part that is key, not the wanting to jump your bones.

I bet your DW would not, and could not, agree to want to jump your bones.
But I also bet your DW would agree to sex twice per week (or pick a number) if YOU do the initiating.
Trust me this can work out well for both of you.
She will be jumping your bones, although the idea never even occurred to her first.

WTF? Why would she agree to sex x times per week? She's uninterested. If every neglected, undersexed DH who felt rejected and ignored by his DW simply asked for more sex and got it, we'd have a lot fewer affairs. You should cheat on her OP. You're already on your way if you're removing your ring. I hope you get what you need from someone younger, better looking, skinnier, smarter and more well adjusted than DW.