Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:49     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.


I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.


I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:48     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.


No one said that. No one said the women get a pass either. Be honest. YOu're not responding to what's written here. You're venting your anger about women.


No anger whatever! Been happily married for over 20 years to the same woman who is like a gift from heaven.

The other PP got it right .... I was being sarcastic because there is a double standard when it comes to infidelity by a woman vs a man. If women can't see it, you have blinders on or maybe they are venting their anger about men!


Of course I recognize you were being sarcastic. You were also wrong. No one said the things you were claiming to skewer. There isn't a double standard, except that men are much less stigmatized for their infidelities, and commit them more frequently.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:47     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
I'm not the thread trajectory police, but I'm a little disappointed with the direction this thread has taken. God knows I've vented my spleen at people who have cheated in this threads. I think it's cowardly and inexcusable.

That said, this one seemed framed as a way to provide insight into "why" people do what they do. And, putting aside my judgment for a moment, that seems like a valuable insight.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:45     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.


"I want a divorce."

That's for next time.


Some people don't respond to that. I've said it to my husband before and meant it. He refused to listen. I almost cheated out of desperation and told him I would. I knew his anger and pride would make him want to go. He still didn't care. Every now and then if we argue he says he can't trust whether I'm going to want to leave. So since I stayed didn't cheat and we are working things out, he has checked out does the bare minimum and now holds the fact that I told him that over my head. A real marriage should be able to address fears and insecurities on both sides. Hopefully we will get to that point soon.


What do you mean, "it didn't work"? Step two is "you go to the court house and file some papers." Step two isn't "you swap bodily fluids with someone who isn't your spouse."
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:45     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.


No one said that. No one said the women get a pass either. Be honest. YOu're not responding to what's written here. You're venting your anger about women.


No anger whatever! Been happily married for over 20 years to the same woman who is like a gift from heaven.

The other PP got it right .... I was being sarcastic because there is a double standard when it comes to infidelity by a woman vs a man. If women can't see it, you have blinders on or maybe they are venting their anger about men!
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:37     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.


"I want a divorce."

That's for next time.


Some people don't respond to that. I've said it to my husband before and meant it. He refused to listen. I almost cheated out of desperation and told him I would. I knew his anger and pride would make him want to go. He still didn't care. Every now and then if we argue he says he can't trust whether I'm going to want to leave. So since I stayed didn't cheat and we are working things out, he has checked out does the bare minimum and now holds the fact that I told him that over my head. A real marriage should be able to address fears and insecurities on both sides. Hopefully we will get to that point soon.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:32     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.


I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:30     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.


No one said that. No one said the women get a pass either. Be honest. YOu're not responding to what's written here. You're venting your anger about women.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:25     Subject: Re:Wives who have cheated: share your story?
All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:19     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love how most of the stories by women who have cheated place the blame on their husband. It's either they weren't attentive or caring or whatever. That's NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO CHEAT. If a husband says that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WOMEN would say "Well, we should have talked about it and sought help. It's still the husband's fault."

Love the men hating people on these boards. It's laughable.


It is simply amazing how rare it is for women to take responsibility for their behavior. Take a look at these examples:

we ended up sleeping together


Yeah, it's JUST happened. Amazing how that works.

Currently sleeping with the other man. Wish my husband paid more attention to me. Alas, gotta get it elsewhere.


Husband's fault.

Anonymous wrote:We slept together one time, which was basically an accident.


Of course! Allowing a strange man you're not married to insert and re-insert his penis into you is just like slipping on a sheet of ice or getting mustard on your blouse. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to more people.

Anonymous wrote:
I took responsibility.


LOL. Nice example you set for your child. You make me sick.

Anonymous wrote:
My husband is a decent guy


So look how you repay the favor.

and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent.


Your naievity, recklessness and sheer disregard for your husband is breathtaking.

Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it.


Of course, it was totally out of your control. You never once had the opportunity to slam on the breaks. NOPE. You couldn't control your own destiny.

I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.


You deserve it. You are pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.


You're that feeble minded you couldn't use, say, DIGNITY or INTEGRITY to end your marriage?

Did you wipe your ass with your wedding vows?

This board is stunning.


OK, Angry Misogynist: your problem is how you started this thread: "how rare it is for women to take responsibility". YOu do realize you're talking about like 2-3 women here? But you generalize to all? Because if I did that about men, you'd call me a "man-hater". But I wouldn't do that. But you would, because you are a woman-hater.
If you are the repeat poster we're discussing above, you have a real problem. I hope you seek treatment. It sounds like a woman or women have hurt you and you're bitter. Women aren't all bad or irresponsible or whatever. We're just people, like men are people. Some good, some bad, some great, some really crappy. We actually cheat less than men, so if it's cheating you're so mad about, then feel free to let loose on your male friends who cheat.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:16     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
"I want a divorce."

That's for next time.




How difficult was it for you to come up with that? WOW! Even took some dignity and integrity.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:14     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:I love how most of the stories by women who have cheated place the blame on their husband. It's either they weren't attentive or caring or whatever. That's NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO CHEAT. If a husband says that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WOMEN would say "Well, we should have talked about it and sought help. It's still the husband's fault."

Love the men hating people on these boards. It's laughable.


It is simply amazing how rare it is for women to take responsibility for their behavior. Take a look at these examples:

we ended up sleeping together


Yeah, it's JUST happened. Amazing how that works.

Currently sleeping with the other man. Wish my husband paid more attention to me. Alas, gotta get it elsewhere.


Husband's fault.

Anonymous wrote:We slept together one time, which was basically an accident.


Of course! Allowing a strange man you're not married to insert and re-insert his penis into you is just like slipping on a sheet of ice or getting mustard on your blouse. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to more people.

Anonymous wrote:
I took responsibility.


LOL. Nice example you set for your child. You make me sick.

Anonymous wrote:
My husband is a decent guy


So look how you repay the favor.

and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent.


Your naievity, recklessness and sheer disregard for your husband is breathtaking.

Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it.


Of course, it was totally out of your control. You never once had the opportunity to slam on the breaks. NOPE. You couldn't control your own destiny.

I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.


You deserve it. You are pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.


You're that feeble minded you couldn't use, say, DIGNITY or INTEGRITY to end your marriage?

Did you wipe your ass with your wedding vows?

This board is stunning.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:07     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Husband and I were going through a tough time. Started hanging out with a guy who was working at my work at the time. We started seeing each other more and more outside work. I guess at the rime I was kind of naive and didn't see it coming but we ended up sleeping together. After the initial guilt wore of we found more and more excuses to spend time together and sleep together more often. We started sleeping together 13 months ago and still see each other one or two times a week. Yes I have feelings for him but at this point I have sex with him more out of habit than wanting a relationship with him.


How do you do this and then go home to your husband and sleep next to him? We don't have details but suppose your husband is a decent guy and you are going through the normal ups and downs of a marriage? Is this fair to your husband? What if your husband is trying to make the marriage work? What is your motivation for this?


My husband is a decent guy, and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent. Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it. I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.


And now it's just a habit. Lovely. Doesn't he deserve to know the true status of his marriage?


Yeah, really. You need to either end it now or tell him. Do unto others...
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:03     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Husband and I were going through a tough time. Started hanging out with a guy who was working at my work at the time. We started seeing each other more and more outside work. I guess at the rime I was kind of naive and didn't see it coming but we ended up sleeping together. After the initial guilt wore of we found more and more excuses to spend time together and sleep together more often. We started sleeping together 13 months ago and still see each other one or two times a week. Yes I have feelings for him but at this point I have sex with him more out of habit than wanting a relationship with him.


How do you do this and then go home to your husband and sleep next to him? We don't have details but suppose your husband is a decent guy and you are going through the normal ups and downs of a marriage? Is this fair to your husband? What if your husband is trying to make the marriage work? What is your motivation for this?


My husband is a decent guy, and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent. Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it. I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.


And now it's just a habit. Lovely. Doesn't he deserve to know the true status of his marriage?
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2014 15:03     Subject: Wives who have cheated: share your story?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's manifesto level?


You know, like the screeds written by crazy people. (The guy in CA who opened fire on the sorority wrote an anti-woman manifesto.)


Ahhhh...gotcha.
Well there definitely seems to be a fair share of animated "All-Things Men Related" defenders in these forums but for the most part they're not totally neurotic and obsessive...just annoying and irritating. Gnats pestering people trying to enjoy a nice summer evening on the porch. Nothing serious.