Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend like this who posts constantly on FB. She's rich, athletic, on the board of every single charity and is always winning awards for all of her good works. She has two fabulous homes and is constantly entertaining her extremely close family (who all seem to get along) or her many interesting friends. She is an expert baker to boot and rides bike marathons. I confess that I "like" many of her posts but inwardly I'm cringing just a bit. Oh well. Maybe she deals with some personal tragedy I don't know about? Not that I'm wishing that on her, but you get the point...

The fact that she posts constantly on Facebook is a huge indication that she's at least insecure, and there's probably more going on there too.

Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.

Life is only perfect on Facebook.

I know a few. I can't take being around them anymore.

As I say to my impressionable child, every person, no matter how glamorous and gorgeous has insecurities, neuroses, and a dark side. Do you really know what anyone thinks when they are alone with their thoughts?

Things can change rather quickly too. We are all walking lives tightrope. One big car crash can change your life in a heartbeat, affairs, drugs, crime this stuff can happen to anyone at any time. I think if my life were too perfect I would be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Most times things are not what they first appear to be. I remember my first apartment. The walls were concrete. If you tried to put a nail into them it would leave a crater. When it was time to move out I filled the holes with toothpaste and I got my deposit back. Just because things look good on the surface doesn't mean that they are!

Anonymous wrote:My friend's sorority sister is beautiful, perfectly fit physically, went to Yale, comes from money, was president of her college sorority, cooks so well she could've opened a restaurant, founded a non-profit, is published, has an interesting and creative career, is the life of the party, has dozens of equally beautiful, smart, interesting friends who seem to love her unconditionally, a constant crowd of attractive male admirers who occasionally fight over her, and seems to get along great with everyone in her attractive, happy family.

She makes me feel extremely inadequate.

" If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." - Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata," 1927

I live by this. It is why I am happy.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have friends, exes, relatives, colleagues, frenemies, or actual enemies who just seem to have perfect lives? They have beauty, academic and professional success, are amazing amateur gourmet chefs/beer makers/some other awesome thing, socially popular and always successful romantically. How do you deal with them? Do you ever find yourself comparing and feeling envious?

I have some friends like this and it has been increasingly difficult to deal with it, especially as 2014 turned out to be the year I lost my job after 2013 being the year I lost my long-term boyfriend. And yet some people just seem to coast through life with all its advantages and either no challenges or far fewer/lighter challenges than you.

It's an age old question I know! Just looking for others who have experienced this.

OP, SORRY about your relationship and job. Everyone around all of us still has problems, challenges, difficulties and issues, but we all still have positive attributes as well. Just the fact that you are able to come on here and express your feelings, which are normal, makes your acceptance of it a little easier.

I've been exposed to some truly beautify people that have the absolute worst attitudes and outlooks. I have also seen some pretty amazing things come from some truly not-so-beautiful people as well. For the most part, people can't do much about how they were created, but they can definitely control how they act!

Anonymous wrote:

I've been happy to see someone fail at work who battled with me about the direction something should have taken and then their project collapsed. However, this is more of a "I told you so".

Whether you intended to or not, you just admitted that you are that type of person.

This is not a discussion about being pleased when you are justified, it is about being gleeful when a good and happy person has bad thing happen to them.

Unless of course you are the type of person who starts with the prejudice that happy people are indeed just on the edge of peril and then they get cancer and die and you get to say "I told you so". You then feel "justified".

I've been happy to see someone fail at work who battled with me about the direction something should have taken and then their project collapsed. However, this is more of a "I told you so".

Whether you intended to or not, you just admitted that you are that type of person.

Anonymous wrote:My sister always feels bad about her life after going on FB and seeing some perfect people. If you think about it, when you go on FB or talk to someone in person you usually always put your best foot forward. Meaning, when someone asks,"hey how are you?" I don't usually start off with the bad stuff. "My son punched a kid at the park, my daughter has lice, I had shitty sex last night, a fight with my mom... " When I post photos on FB I don't post the ones where I have a double chin. People usually don't take pictures of someone when they are crying themselves to sleep at night or when they are fighting. Think of it this way.. when you see the perfect stuff - it balances all of the bad stuff that is out there.

Nothing more annoying than a chronic Debbie Downer on FB. The "woe is me poster". How does your sister not realize that it is actually strange to air your dirty laundry on FB? Only unstable people do that. I have ONE friend who aired her dirty divorce on FB and quite frankly, it was awkward and I was embarrassed for her. Get some friends IRL if you need to vent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it, EVERYONE wants to see a perfect asshole take a shit! Just wait and their time will come!

My wife (of many, many years!) has always referenced the couples in our neighborhood, kind of like a litmus test to our marriage. "Why can't we be more like so and so" and "look at their loving relationship." Well, as time marched on she saw one lady kill herself (which actually looked like her husband did it) and several others go thru very bitter and ugly divorces!

Even if the grass is greener on the other side ~ someone still has to mow it!

Not everyone. I get no satisfaction from seeing anyone go through rough times.

However, I'm content in my life and also don't compare.

Admit it! There's been at least one time in your life where you were happy to see someone you know fail at something!
IT'S HUMAN NATURE! I didn't say that it was the prettier side of human nature either....

There is nothing to admit.

I've been happy to see someone fail at work who battled with me about the direction something should have taken and then their project collapsed. However, this is more of a "I told you so".

However, to be HAPPY to see someone fail who has had much success and happiness in their life? No.

I'm not an envious person, so it is not really in my personality to get off on other people's struggles. I can't even fathom how miserable I would be if these were my thought patterns. I grew up in a good amount of poverty and family dysfunction, so for me, I'm extremely grateful for what I have. I don't covet my neighbor. I'm too happy celebrating my own success.

I'm not saying your thoughts are abnormal, I'm sure they are perfectly normal, but your normal is not mine and probably not a lot of people's. Your normal would be my miserable.

My sister always feels bad about her life after going on FB and seeing some perfect people. If you think about it, when you go on FB or talk to someone in person you usually always put your best foot forward. Meaning, when someone asks,"hey how are you?" I don't usually start off with the bad stuff. "My son punched a kid at the park, my daughter has lice, I had shitty sex last night, a fight with my mom... " When I post photos on FB I don't post the ones where I have a double chin. People usually don't take pictures of someone when they are crying themselves to sleep at night or when they are fighting. Think of it this way.. when you see the perfect stuff - it balances all of the bad stuff that is out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it, EVERYONE wants to see a perfect asshole take a shit! Just wait and their time will come!

My wife (of many, many years!) has always referenced the couples in our neighborhood, kind of like a litmus test to our marriage. "Why can't we be more like so and so" and "look at their loving relationship." Well, as time marched on she saw one lady kill herself (which actually looked like her husband did it) and several others go thru very bitter and ugly divorces!

Even if the grass is greener on the other side ~ someone still has to mow it!

Not everyone. I get no satisfaction from seeing anyone go through rough times.

However, I'm content in my life and also don't compare.

Admit it! There's been at least one time in your life where you were happy to see someone you know fail at something!
IT'S HUMAN NATURE! I didn't say that it was the prettier side of human nature either....

I know someone who thinks people are jealous of her perfect life. Her family, her house, her vacations, her clothes/accessories, etc.

But I'm close enough to the "inner circle" to see the fractures. The number of times she's kicked her husband out, her insecurities, her food issues.

It's fascinating to me how some people project a facade of being perfect and in control all the time, but behind the veil, has problems just like the rest of us.