It's nice to see how many folks have strong marriages and never argue. I'm not one of them. I'd just like to tell them all to appreciate what you have, every single day. I wish I had placed a higher priority on "calm temperament" when I was dating.

We don't fight. We argue, we disagree, voices get raised for a minute or two. One of us might walk away for 10 or 15 minutes. But it's never screaming, it never lingers or carries over into the next day. We sometimes have to agree to disagree. Never name calling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never the way you describe. We disagree, we get frustrated, but we never yell. My husband is the most mellow, laid back guy on the planet--not sure what it would take to make him yell. I like it that way

+1

If my husband ever yelled at me, I would be really scared. It would be very out of character.

+1

We do not fight, we just disagree loudly! And we have great sex every couple of days.

Anonymous wrote:A good 2-3 times a year for more than 10 years. Unlike a lot of posters, though, we've had some really huge, bad stuff happen in our lives that pushes both of our buttons. DH has dealt with depression that went untreated for way too long. We've both lost close family members and been caregivers when we didn't expect to be. Our finances hit the rocks. Weathering that together, even with some yelling (and, hey, usually I was being the names he called me and vice versa), isn't that bad.

Us too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never the way you describe. We disagree, we get frustrated, but we never yell. My husband is the most mellow, laid back guy on the planet--not sure what it would take to make him yell. I like it that way

+1

If my husband ever yelled at me, I would be really scared. It would be very out of character.

Wow, really? My husband has told me he hates me several times and that I'm a bitch.

How do you feel about that? How do you bounce back from that or repair it? In the past year my husband has said some absolutely horrible things to me during fights, while I'm more in the camp of trying not to say things I may regret later. And even after we make up, I can never unhear those things or shake the knowledge that he feels that way about me. I always think there's truth in what people say in the heat of anger, while he claims he's just saying it out of anger but doesn't mean it. But I don't believe him. And every time it happens, I feel like it erodes our marriage just that much more.

Mine started doing this (name calling, saying really mean things during a fight) when we were going through a stressful time. After a few times of this happening, I told him (when we were not fighting) that I never envisioned me in my life being called these names and if it continues, my self-preservation instinct will kick in and I will have to flee - and I meant it too. This got through to my DH - he knows me, I never BS. We still fight sometimes and it gets loud but we stay on topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never the way you describe. We disagree, we get frustrated, but we never yell. My husband is the most mellow, laid back guy on the planet--not sure what it would take to make him yell. I like it that way

+1

If my husband ever yelled at me, I would be really scared. It would be very out of character.

Wow, really? My husband has told me he hates me several times and that I'm a bitch.

Don't you see that as a big problem? Do you tell him to stop?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Folks never fight or have passionate disagreements where emotions run deep? I suspect there are a lot of repressed DHs here...

Typical response from someone who is either an unreasonable person, is an a relationship with an unreasonable person, or both.

Reasonable people know how to talk about things in a constructive manner, which does not mean it is without emotion. They also know how to compromise.

My point is if no one is fighting, why so much cheating and divorce? As for why DH, stats show most DCUM DW so hence the other side of these post

Well, this is a self-selecting group answering this.

Also, remember that the divorce rate is much lower for couples who married older, have college and advanced degrees and are higher SES. Pretty much describes DCUM.

So what is the divorce rate of DCUM? Is it safe to assume pretty much close to zero, based on these responses? I think not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never the way you describe. We disagree, we get frustrated, but we never yell. My husband is the most mellow, laid back guy on the planet--not sure what it would take to make him yell. I like it that way

+1

If my husband ever yelled at me, I would be really scared. It would be very out of character.

Wow, really? My husband has told me he hates me several times and that I'm a bitch.

How do you feel about that? How do you bounce back from that or repair it? In the past year my husband has said some absolutely horrible things to me during fights, while I'm more in the camp of trying not to say things I may regret later. And even after we make up, I can never unhear those things or shake the knowledge that he feels that way about me. I always think there's truth in what people say in the heat of anger, while he claims he's just saying it out of anger but doesn't mean it. But I don't believe him. And every time it happens, I feel like it erodes our marriage just that much more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily

Oh, thank god! I thought it was just me!

+ 1. We usually have a blow out fight once a week or once every other week. Used to be less, but has increased since having a child. Had the worst one of our marriage last night, it was awful. Thankfully our child slept through the whole thing. Husband punched a hole in a door.

I would say we have a big argument about once per year.
But we are very mild. We raise voices passionately, and even yell. Well, I yell. But it's not in our character to curse, call each other names, or generally say cruel things. Husband just doesn't yell. He clams up when he's angry and just stops talking. It's actually a little creepy when he does that, because I know I crossed the line. And it's no fun yelling at someone who won't yell back.

I grew up with my parents and grandparents. They were always yelling at each other, but never really had to make up. They both have been married a very long time. Yelling doesn't scare me. I just see that as spouses being sincere.

Anonymous wrote:Daily

Oh, thank god! I thought it was just me!

Anonymous wrote:Never as you describe.

We disagree. We get annoyed. I would say we even get truly angry on occasion. But we talk about it and we never get nasty.

And by the way, nothing gets repressed. The exact opposite in my marriage. I say what's on my mind and what's bothering me, practically to a fault. And then we both get over it and move on. I think that's part of the reason we don't have huge blowouts. Not a whole lot stifled up.

You don't have personality traits that chronically make him crazy, and vice versa? We fight over immutable qualities in the other

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never the way you describe. We disagree, we get frustrated, but we never yell. My husband is the most mellow, laid back guy on the planet--not sure what it would take to make him yell. I like it that way

+1

If my husband ever yelled at me, I would be really scared. It would be very out of character.

Wow, really? My husband has told me he hates me several times and that I'm a bitch.

I cannot imagine my husband ever saying that to me. Not that we don't have our issues (of course we do), but I have a hard time imagining him saying those things to me. And when I said scared, I meant scared for my marriage, as it would be a totally different person from the one I married. I know some couples who fight like that and it is just how they are. It isn't earth shattering to them because it is more normal.

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the nevers. Question for those who fight - is the make up sex hot? I've read about it, but never had it.

Sometimes I wonder if the lack of conflict in my marriage is part of why the sex is generally pleasant but not very intense.

fight frequently, never have makeup sex.