Agree with PP. That scenario could have one frustrated partner who is not very vocal about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Sexual compatibility is critical.

Kindness, generosity, and integrity are basics. What separates your best friend from your lover is sexual compatibility. Too many peopls here bitching about their sexless marriages. Don't ever ever waste a single secomd dating someone who cannot sexually please you. Lover first...don't fall into the best friend trap. Thats what gay guys are for. Go get a friend.

This. This. This. This. This.

I wonder how many people who use the cliche line of "marrying their best friend" actually married their LOVER.
If sexual compatibility is not there, you will be miserable and/or be one of the people who finally understands WHY some people cheat.

As for the other person who said she and her husband love receiving oral but hate giving it (so now they don't do it), just seems like a sad loss (to me). Just be sure you're both actually happy with that arrangement versus one of you being told by the other that you're "happy" with it.

That you share the same principles and values.

The spouses must be compatible to each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

And that's where it gets complicated. Men and women are willing to forego sexual compatibility because they found "other qualities" they deem good for a spouse.

This retarded line of thinking is why men think there's the woman you date and the woman you marry.
This retarded line of thinking is why women say they want a nice guy but still lust after the "bad boy."

So, when you talk about what makes a great husband, besides personality traits, you best include sexual things that are important to YOU, lest you become another DCUM statistic: "My husband/wife won't go down on me..." (Pick whichever sexual act you prefer and you get the idea).

I agree somewhat. But there is a difference between one spouse not wanting sex vs not wanting to do a specific sex act.
i do not like doing oral, and never did when we dated. DH married me anyway bc he liked the whole package. The funny thing is that we both like to recieve oral but do not really like to give it. So we do not do oral. We have sex and everything else is great in our relationship. The question is, do you give up a great relationship SIMPLY for a specific sex act? Mature people will not. (Again, we are NOT talking about a sexless marriage, but a happy one.)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

You CAN work on sex. Trust me, if there is chemisrty between you, you can have a great sex life. I was a virgin, yet I had to show DH what gave me pleasure. Nothing bizarre, just had to introduce him to the clit!

My DH has integrity. He is faithful, a hard worker but not ruthless. He is great to me and our children. Treats us well. I wouldnt say he is kind 100% of the time, but he is not unkind.( If I am sick, he stays home to take care of me. That's one way he is kind. ) It is just his personality. He can be a bit gruff, especially w others.

I agree that the whole package is important, but someone who LACKS basic traits like kindness or integrity/character is a HUGE warning sign.

Anonymous wrote:My husband says "intelligence and tits"

I say "loyalty"

Your husband is into moobs?

Anonymous wrote:If the sex is bad, with an otherwise desirable man, do you try to "coach him up," or do you just assume that he is hopeless and move on?

Sadly, I think a lot of women are the latter. It takes some practice and know-how to get good in the sack.

If the sex is bad, there is no chemistry. Keep him as a friend. Don't confuse a good friend with a lover.

What is bad sex for you might be a complete mindfuck for someone else. For sex to be good two people have to have intense chemistry.

Don't tey to stuff a size 10 foot into a size 8 shoe and try to run a marathon. Your gonna be miserable.

My husband says "intelligence and tits"

I say "loyalty"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the sex is bad, with an otherwise desirable man, do you try to "coach him up," or do you just assume that he is hopeless and move on?

Sadly, I think a lot of women are the latter. It takes some practice and know-how to get good in the sack.

What if size is the issue?

Next. That is unfixable. Save him for the women who don't care.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Sexual compatibility is critical.

Kindness, generosity, and integrity are basics. What separates your best friend from your lover is sexual compatibility. Too many peopls here bitching about their sexless marriages. Don't ever ever waste a single secomd dating someone who cannot sexually please you. Lover first...don't fall into the best friend trap. Thats what gay guys are for. Go get a friend.

This article may be of interest. Highlights kindness

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

definitely sense of humor

Being just like me.

loyalty

Anonymous wrote:If the sex is bad, with an otherwise desirable man, do you try to "coach him up," or do you just assume that he is hopeless and move on?

Sadly, I think a lot of women are the latter. It takes some practice and know-how to get good in the sack.

What if size is the issue?