Anonymous wrote:Time for a full neuropsych evaluation.

I doubt it's ASD. People with ASD are not "sneaky" and usually very rules oriented. It sounds like he has impulse control issues.

I would seek behavioral therapy also.

As a mother of an Aspie, and someone who has read a lot in the field, I can say this is true. Aspies rarely do anything wrong or are violent (yes, there are exceptions but that's usually the result of a comorbidity). They are very rule-driven. Honest. They see the world in black and white. Something is good or bad; true or false. There is no "gray" for them. They make excellent law enforcement officers.

<<Your child deserves therapy, but you should accept him for who he is. You can improve his skills, but you aren't going to change who he is. You need to learn to love your child for himself, rather than trying to change him into what you think he should be. >>

Not the OP, but this doesn't make sense. Won't improving his skills -- through therapy -- change who he is somewhat?

I also have a problem with your preachy tone. How do you know the OP needs to learn to love the child for himself -- how do you know she doesn't? Why do you think she is trying to change him into who she thinks he should be -- maybe she is trying to help him, make him more functional, give him better life skills, alleviate any pain he may be suffering from

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. I wanted to flag something you've said a couple of times: "before I give up." What are you thinking of doing, OP? What does giving up mean? You don't have that option, really. You are his mom, and you don't get to give up on yourself or him. You can give up on strategies that aren't working, of course, and I am hoping that is all you meant.

I'm not contemplating suicide. My life is painfully difficult but I need to stay alive and healthy for my children. But I was thinking of stopping my search for help, stopping therapies, visits to psychiatrists, and just accepting the way he is.

Your child deserves therapy, but you should accept him for who he is. You can improve his skills, but you aren't going to change who he is. You need to learn to love your child for himself, rather than trying to change him into what you think he should be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. I wanted to flag something you've said a couple of times: "before I give up." What are you thinking of doing, OP? What does giving up mean? You don't have that option, really. You are his mom, and you don't get to give up on yourself or him. You can give up on strategies that aren't working, of course, and I am hoping that is all you meant.

I'm not contemplating suicide. My life is painfully difficult but I need to stay alive and healthy for my children. But I was thinking of stopping my search for help, stopping therapies, visits to psychiatrists, and just accepting the way he is.

You are just asking for a break! I give you permission to not think of a new "intervention" for one whole week. Enjoy him and the other kids for a week, have a mantra "this is not forever" and take a breather. Than after an entire week start making the appointments. He is a difficult child and you have been an awesome mother. Look at all you have done!! He would not be where he is today without your help. He could have been much worse off. And who knows, the full neurospych evaluation could be the thing that turns this all around, with a plan. A lot of people have children like yours, and they just shrug their shoulders and do not deal. They are exhausted/frustrated. So you have been definitely trying, and of course things are probably pretty hard now that it is summer. Hang in there, give yourself a break, and then mull over all these posts and make some phone calls. All the best....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please don't take offense at this, but is there any chance of heavy alcohol use at any time during pregnancy (if he is your biological child)? Perhaps even before you knew that you were pregnant?

Why would you ask this?

Not PP, but Fetal Alcohol Syndrome causes all kinds of problems.

Anonymous wrote:OP, please don't take offense at this, but is there any chance of heavy alcohol use at any time during pregnancy (if he is your biological child)? Perhaps even before you knew that you were pregnant?

Why would you ask this?

I agree. I'm not trying to change my son's personality, just strengthen his abilities and expand his emotional intelligence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. I wanted to flag something you've said a couple of times: "before I give up." What are you thinking of doing, OP? What does giving up mean? You don't have that option, really. You are his mom, and you don't get to give up on yourself or him. You can give up on strategies that aren't working, of course, and I am hoping that is all you meant.

I'm not contemplating suicide. My life is painfully difficult but I need to stay alive and healthy for my children. But I was thinking of stopping my search for help, stopping therapies, visits to psychiatrists, and just accepting the way he is.

Again, I empathize and I wish all the best for you and for him.

If you will forgive my presumption, I do think acceptance at some level is a good thing. Your child is who he is, and needs to be accepted for that, as we all do. The objective of therapies, etc., is not to change who he is but to give him the skills he needs to live the most fulfilling life he can have.

We have found that when we stopped thinking of interventions as trying to "fix" anything about our child, but rather just to teach needed skills, it was a helpful adjustment to our perspective. Just for what it's worth.

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. I wanted to flag something you've said a couple of times: "before I give up." What are you thinking of doing, OP? What does giving up mean? You don't have that option, really. You are his mom, and you don't get to give up on yourself or him. You can give up on strategies that aren't working, of course, and I am hoping that is all you meant.

I'm not contemplating suicide. My life is painfully difficult but I need to stay alive and healthy for my children. But I was thinking of stopping my search for help, stopping therapies, visits to psychiatrists, and just accepting the way he is.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of school does he go to? Does he have an IEP? Does he get services there or do they mostly just do office discipline referrals?

My kid has impulse control issues, too ...having a good program in place at school had helped since he is there so much...they need to be on board.

The school provided an aide for him. They also provided a lunch time social group once a week.

PP, thank you for your insightful post. I agree on all counts. He has left his perseverations of fans and locks. Now his passion is electronics. He does enjoy other thingssuch as nature, animals, bike riding, water play with another child, and doing science experiments. Granted, these are not typical 10 yr old interests but he shies away from sports. He gets basketball lessons once a week because he has expressed an interest in this.

As far as getting him to dwell on other people's feelings, I do try to use the socratic method to encourage it, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make him control his behavior.

Hugs, OP. I wanted to flag something you've said a couple of times: "before I give up." What are you thinking of doing, OP? What does giving up mean? You don't have that option, really. You are his mom, and you don't get to give up on yourself or him. You can give up on strategies that aren't working, of course, and I am hoping that is all you meant.

What kind of school does he go to? Does he have an IEP? Does he get services there or do they mostly just do office discipline referrals?

My kid has impulse control issues, too ...having a good program in place at school had helped since he is there so much...they need to be on board.