Anonymous
07/01/2014 01:48
Subject: Re:I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Another guy with somewhat of a different take.
First, I agree that you don't want to look in bars. Frankly, unless you are going to a sports bar or a comfortable dive, you're not likely to find too many men, except married ones or ones on a date. Single guys don't hang out in the common bars unless they're on a date. As some have suggested, you can look for men in sports, but be aware that if you do, you should be prepared to take a lifelong interest in sports or perhaps be a sports widow.
Instead what you need to do is cultivate some interests that are of interest to you and to men. For example, men are competitive in more ways than sports. So, you may find some that are fanatics for various card games (poker is the easiest to find). Look for trivia nights. There are several places that host regular trivia nights, either trivia competitions or those console games. There are games clubs around the area and they are frequently heavily male. There's a very active science fiction community around and you can find a lot of men there, albeit this is the hangout of a lot of geeky guys. Not just the guys with broken glasses who live in their parents' basement, but normal intellectual types that happen to like science and science fiction, probably work in sciences, engineering or IT.
Another earlier tip that I'll agree with, try not to hang out with so many of your girlfriends at once. Many men find attractive females intimidating. It's easier to approach a woman who is solo or in a small group (2 or 3). Once you get 4+ women together (for some 3+ women), then a lot of men will not approach. All it takes is one woman who thinks she's all that and better than the average Joe, and the group becomes unapproachable. Without knowing the personality of the women in the group, most men will write the women off without even approaching. So basically you are writing off dating, being approached or even being invited for a drink if you are in a group of 3+ or 4+. So, if you are interested in meeting men, consider changing your methods of "hanging out."
First, I agree that you don't want to look in bars. Frankly, unless you are going to a sports bar or a comfortable dive, you're not likely to find too many men, except married ones or ones on a date. Single guys don't hang out in the common bars unless they're on a date. As some have suggested, you can look for men in sports, but be aware that if you do, you should be prepared to take a lifelong interest in sports or perhaps be a sports widow.
Instead what you need to do is cultivate some interests that are of interest to you and to men. For example, men are competitive in more ways than sports. So, you may find some that are fanatics for various card games (poker is the easiest to find). Look for trivia nights. There are several places that host regular trivia nights, either trivia competitions or those console games. There are games clubs around the area and they are frequently heavily male. There's a very active science fiction community around and you can find a lot of men there, albeit this is the hangout of a lot of geeky guys. Not just the guys with broken glasses who live in their parents' basement, but normal intellectual types that happen to like science and science fiction, probably work in sciences, engineering or IT.
Another earlier tip that I'll agree with, try not to hang out with so many of your girlfriends at once. Many men find attractive females intimidating. It's easier to approach a woman who is solo or in a small group (2 or 3). Once you get 4+ women together (for some 3+ women), then a lot of men will not approach. All it takes is one woman who thinks she's all that and better than the average Joe, and the group becomes unapproachable. Without knowing the personality of the women in the group, most men will write the women off without even approaching. So basically you are writing off dating, being approached or even being invited for a drink if you are in a group of 3+ or 4+. So, if you are interested in meeting men, consider changing your methods of "hanging out."
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:23
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
^^ should be girlfriends
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:22
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:If you are sexy. You will have a man. If you are too lazy or feminist to be sexy , you will be alone. Figure it out.
-1000
I'm a feminist and happily married. You should educate yourself about feminism.
I wouldn't consider myself "sexy" either. Short and fat is more accurate, but my husband doesn't mind. I think it's funny that he dumped all his "pretty, sexy, thin" gf and married me.
I guess my personality and charm was more important than looks. We have been married 9+ years.
-Fiona (married to Shrek). Only we are not green.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:19
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:A group of close friends hanging out at a bar together is intimidating to a man. Not many would walk up to a group of women like that and those who would aren't necessarily looking for a relationship.
If you want to be approachable, you have to sometimes be alone. Not alone alone, as in walking down a dark alley alone but in a social setting where people are mingling and switching up conversation partners often enough - like the interest based meet up groups PPs recommended, young adult night at a church, a sport, etc. You need to pursue your interests with people who share your interests so you & the men you meet can have something to chat about and connect over off the bat.
Also, watch your body language - says a lot about whether you'd welcome some one's interest. After a tough break up, I found that I wore a "F off" stamped on my forehead for like a year even though I didn't mean to - no one really pursued me in that year. When I realized what I was doing and made more of an effort to be open and friendly, I got a lot of interest.
Lastly, proactively express your interest. And keep the stats of DC in mind so you don't assume it's all you - some women are simply going to be single in this town, and there will be more single women than men. That's just a facet of DC.
When I first saw my DH, he kind of had the same "stamp" on his forehead. He was bad news. 2 years later, we dated and I found out that he had just gotten out of a bad relationship. You would be surprised how much your feelings are being broadcast (for lack of a better word,) by an "aura." I met my husband at work.
These women are looking at the wrong type of men for the wrong reasons. Men need to have ambition and be employed. They also need to have a great sense of humor and want the same things. For me, my DH has a dark sense of humor, like I do. I wanted one marriage, and was willing to give it everything I had. He wanted the same thing deep down but was afraid to admit it. He had a rough childhood and in his experience, everyone wanted to use him. I was the first person who wanted to help him, expecting nothing in return. We were friends long before we became lovers.
Good luck, OP.
-Fiona (happily married to Shrek.)
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:09
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know it seems sexist, but men generally don't care what you do for a living, or how "successful" you are. It's mostly about looks and personality. Some men are intimidated by women with high-prestige careers, especially if they feel that they are "outranked" socioeconomically. They will assume that a physician or some other professional will look down at them.
As a man, I know it's not true that men are intimidated by women with high-prestige careers. I've never heard this from other men, only women. If the woman is attractive and fun to be around, it doesn't matter what they do. Women in high-prestige careers who can't find men usually cite their professional success as the reason. Don't kid yourself, men are VERY attracted to successful, attractive, and fun women. The successful part is a bonus!!!
Eh, there are men who immediately walk away when the answer to "what do you do for a living?" is "lawyer." The law is a jealous mistress.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:04
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Maybe don't take that advice to split up:
http://how-i-met-your-mother.wikia.com/wiki/The_Cheerleader_Effect
http://how-i-met-your-mother.wikia.com/wiki/The_Cheerleader_Effect
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:02
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you quit bragging about being so successful in your profession, you'd find a guy. A total asshole could be a doctor and a gem could be a mechanic, but would you even give him the time of day knowing he doesn't fit your bizarre standard of success?
Since when did professional goals and financial freedom become a bizarre standard of success?
OP's first word was "Help!". Obviously her professional goals and financial freedom haven't led her to success.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 23:00
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:I know it seems sexist, but men generally don't care what you do for a living, or how "successful" you are. It's mostly about looks and personality. Some men are intimidated by women with high-prestige careers, especially if they feel that they are "outranked" socioeconomically. They will assume that a physician or some other professional will look down at them.
As a man, I know it's not true that men are intimidated by women with high-prestige careers. I've never heard this from other men, only women. If the woman is attractive and fun to be around, it doesn't matter what they do. Women in high-prestige careers who can't find men usually cite their professional success as the reason. Don't kid yourself, men are VERY attracted to successful, attractive, and fun women. The successful part is a bonus!!!
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:54
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
I know it seems sexist, but men generally don't care what you do for a living, or how "successful" you are. It's mostly about looks and personality. Some men are intimidated by women with high-prestige careers, especially if they feel that they are "outranked" socioeconomically. They will assume that a physician or some other professional will look down at them.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:46
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Help!
Seriously, I'm in a group of 12 women - doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, etc. and we can't find any men! We get hit on by married men all the time. Where do we find good men?
Man here. It's because you identify yourself by your profession. Seriously, no "good man" cares what you do for a living. Are you good people? probably not. Sorry spinster.
Spinster comment aside, he's right. I'm a woman, but my male friends have always gone for attractive women they liked being around. I usually have to ask what the woman does for a living, because I'm more likely to hear "She's cute with big titties" than "She's a successful pharmacist."
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:39
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
If you are sexy. You will have a man. If you are too lazy or feminist to be sexy , you will be alone. Figure it out.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:35
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
You sound like a real keeper PP. Too bad we missed your boat.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:30
Subject: I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Help!
Seriously, I'm in a group of 12 women - doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, etc. and we can't find any men! We get hit on by married men all the time. Where do we find good men?
Man here. It's because you identify yourself by your profession. Seriously, no "good man" cares what you do for a living. Are you good people? probably not. Sorry spinster.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:26
Subject: Re:I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Right here. You can email me at LD_fan82@yahoo.com.
Did OP and her crew email you yet man?
There usually is a thread like this once every month or two and guys leave an email or contact info to the OP - i am curious is all of these OP's and their friends have ever taken up a contact on DCUM.
Anonymous
06/30/2014 22:17
Subject: Re:I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Right here. You can email me at LD_fan82@yahoo.com.
Are you single?
God damn right I am.