Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

The thing is, there's a large area between helicoptering and abandoning your kid at orientation. You've painted the extreme poles, but that's not helpful or conducive to discussion.

Instead, many on that thread, including me, posted to say that we don't hover. But we do phone or Skype once a week, and we text multiple times a week.

Glad to hear that my personal experience is of no help to you. I found it to be exactly relevant to the discussion. But since you skype and text (which we do too), I'm sure nothing scary will ever happen to you or your kids. Must feel good to have it all figured out.

Guessing that if you hadn't characterized other points of view as "silly," you would have got a better reception. You probably deliberately insulted several posters. If you want respect, you should give respect.

I was attempting to characterize a 7 page thread in under 10 words. You felt so deliberately insulted that you felt free to trivialize another poster's concern over a potentially-suicidal DS? Bully for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, the "I did it this way. Therefore nothing bad will every happen to me or my kids" poster is back.

That and "if you do it any other way than my way, you are wrong, your point of view is irrelevant, and your experiences meaningless. It's great to be me."

Wow, you suck. Way to trivialize everybody else's points of view.

This forum used to be good....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

The thing is, there's a large area between helicoptering and abandoning your kid at orientation. You've painted the extreme poles, but that's not helpful or conducive to discussion.

Instead, many on that thread, including me, posted to say that we don't hover. But we do phone or Skype once a week, and we text multiple times a week.

Glad to hear that my personal experience is of no help to you. I found it to be exactly relevant to the discussion. But since you skype and text (which we do too), I'm sure nothing scary will ever happen to you or your kids. Must feel good to have it all figured out.

Guessing that if you hadn't characterized other points of view as "silly," you would have got a better reception. You probably deliberately insulted several posters. If you want respect, you should give respect.

I was attempting to characterize a 7 page thread in under 10 words. You felt so deliberately insulted that you felt free to trivialize another poster's concern over a potentially-suicidal DS? Bully for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, the "I did it this way. Therefore nothing bad will every happen to me or my kids" poster is back.

That and "if you do it any other way than my way, you are wrong, your point of view is irrelevant, and your experiences meaningless. It's great to be me."

Anonymous wrote:Look, the "I did it this way. Therefore nothing bad will every happen to me or my kids" poster is back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

The thing is, there's a large area between helicoptering and abandoning your kid at orientation. You've painted the extreme poles, but that's not helpful or conducive to discussion.

Instead, many on that thread, including me, posted to say that we don't hover. But we do phone or Skype once a week, and we text multiple times a week.

Glad to hear that my personal experience is of no help to you. I found it to be exactly relevant to the discussion. But since you skype and text (which we do too), I'm sure nothing scary will ever happen to you or your kids. Must feel good to have it all figured out.

Guessing that if you hadn't characterized other points of view as "silly," you would have got a better reception. You probably deliberately insulted several posters. If you want respect, you should give respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

The thing is, there's a large area between helicoptering and abandoning your kid at orientation. You've painted the extreme poles, but that's not helpful or conducive to discussion.

Instead, many on that thread, including me, posted to say that we don't hover. But we do phone or Skype once a week, and we text multiple times a week.

Glad to hear that my personal experience is of no help to you. I found it to be exactly relevant to the discussion. But since you skype and text (which we do too), I'm sure nothing scary will ever happen to you or your kids. Must feel good to have it all figured out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

The thing is, there's a large area between helicoptering and abandoning your kid at orientation. You've painted the extreme poles, but that's not helpful or conducive to discussion.

Instead, many on that thread, including me, posted to say that we don't hover. But we do phone or Skype once a week, and we text multiple times a week.

Anonymous wrote:A friend's daughter was recruited by an Ivy to play soccer, quit the team after two years. She did not care for the coach and stopped enjoying the game. She transferred to a non-Ivy. Another friend's child was recruited by a SLAC to play baseball and doesn't like the coach and he's not happy, not sure what he's going to do. It's very coach-driven.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else struck by this thread about a seemingly well-adjusted Penn freshman taking her life and the 2 parallel threads about "disappointed by list of colleges where kids are going" and "silly helicopter parents going to orientation at kids' college". I don't have the answer but I did have the shock of my life by a phone call with my freshman DS when I started to fear he was "at risk." We took a few immediate steps and he just graduated with honors. So it all turned out fine, and who knows if it would have been fine without our intervention. The whole thing was so out of character for him and still haunts me a bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all very complicated and I think parents look to what they think is "the" cause to reassure themselves it won't happen to their child. But the children of great, supportive, involved parents commit suicide. Its complicate. Some thoughts:

1. There have always been people in this age range with serious mental illness. I do think its worse now as the atmosphere to achieve, achieve, achieve has been cranked up. But ultimately there will always be some young adults who struggle with this.

2. IMO UPenn has a particularly strong competitive atmosphere and a coldness. My DC chose not to apply for that reason. The reputation is that it is full of "ore-professional" students, students gunning for law or medical school and most especially business. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, I went to law school, but the sheer concentration is unhealthy.

3. No one has commented on the transition to college athletics but I think that is a big part of it. I was a high school athlete who loved my sport. My teammates were like my sisters and I was never happier than when we were out there together, competing. I was heavily recruited by colleges, including UPenn (I went elsewhere). When I got to college I found the atmosphere around sports to be much different. More was expected of me. the team was cliquish and I had difficulty finding friends. The level of competition was higher but also less fun. I went from LOVING my sport to hating it and quit after one year. In retrospect, it was the best decision I could make, though it was difficult. Its really hard to change course when you've been recruited. For the woman in this article, she was so invested and I can imagine that the change was particularly hard felt.

4. Finally a lot of schools create disincentives for students seeking help. They kick them out of school if they are suicidal. I don't know about UPenn's approach, but the student may have felt she couldn't be completely honest with them.

The sport angle is interesting. also, it looks like she preferred soccer to track and would have played soccer at Lehigh.

Interesting. Was this at a DI, DII, or DIII school? Do you think that part matters? Did any of your HS friends who went on to play college sports experience the same things you did?