Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what exactly is their issue with your wife? If they don't like her just because she is from a different culture, it is plain stupid and they need to get over it.
you shouldn't have to choose btw your parents nd wife. Your wife needs to understand and accept them as well. Breaking ties with family is stupid, self centered & not easy as people make it out to be. There can be a happy medium but it will take time and patience. Be steady when it comes to your wife but loving and patient with your parents as well, even if they do not respond the way you would like them to. They will come around eventually.

No they won't. They have demonstrated for years that they are to come first. They have cut off their own child and his children because the situation is unsatisfactory to them. They told him "goodbye"

This isn't a situation that a sit-down and some hugs all around are going to fix. Patience from OP? He has been [too] patient with their nonsense since before this marriage, and it sounds like throughout his dating history.

OP needs to prioritize what needs his attention. #1 his own wife and children. His marriage is in crisis.

So parents are like toilet tissue that you just use and throw? Did OP just fall out of a fountain? Don't forget that his parents had to strive and make sacrifices for OP do become who he is today. the least he can do is maintain a good relationship with them in their old age. Agreed their ideas are antiquated, but asking him to cutoff all ties with his parents is ridiculous. If divorce and disowning people is the only way to work through issues, we are a messed up society.
OP has to put his ego aside and work with his parents separately.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what exactly are their grievances against your wife?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a manchild. Your father opened your mail and paid your bills, until your wife took over the role?

It is time to be less pathetic, and to stand up for your wife. I say this as a man. I would never tolerate the behavior towards my wife that your parents have forced her to endure.

Anonymous wrote:In the eyes of your parents, no one will ever be good enough for you. And it's not even about you, it's about them controlling your life.

It seems obvious who is toxic. It's best to limit your communication with them. It is the toughest thing to do to limit your parents. Do it for yourself before you end up picking up toxic behavior from them that might pass down to your kids.

Your wife is good not to interfere. It's obviously too much for her to handle. And it's your job to protect her and your kids from toxic behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great that you are backing up your wife. But reading your post it's unclear to me what actually has happened. Do your parents actually hate your wife? Has there been an actual confrontation? Or does your wife just feel uncomfortable and like they don't like her?

What has actually happened here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your dad was paying your bills and you let him? He YELLED at your wife about it and you didn't address it? Your wife selected a car seat for your child, your dad battles her over it and you say nothing to defend her decision?

You think this is all a big miscommunication?! What?!

Sorry, but what have YOU done to help the situation? You have done nothing but stand back and let this play out. Shame on you.

OP, you are lucky your wife is still with you. If it had been me, I would never have married you to begin with, let alone stayed with you after FIL yelled about paying your bills. You are acting like a child. You need to GROW UP and act like a man. You SERIOUSLY owe your wife a HUGE apology. She should never have to deal with your parents again.

Your wife and children are your first priority. Do what you can to salvage your marriage. She's probably at the end of her rope and ready to ditch you, with GOOD REASON.

Anonymous wrote:You share equal blame with your parents, OP. I am surprised your wife has put up with this for so long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe I'm saying this but I'm becoming a little more sympathetic to the OP in that maybe he really is this clueless. As the thread goes on and he expresses complete confusion about what went wrong and what is still off-kilter it makes me think his parents sure did a lifelong brainwashing on him. Reading the evidence it's easy to see that he and his brother were brought up in a household dominated by parents who had no concern for raising emotionally healthy men, let alone spouses.

OP, get yourself to counseling. You have years of unhealthy and unhelpful programming to undo. I think you are a decent fellow underneath it all, tell your wife you're choosing to rewire the way approach her and your kids.

Either that or he is from a culture where lifelong obedience is expected from the son and the son's wife. I can't think of another reason.