Anonymous
05/24/2014 23:04
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it worked out for you and your wife, PP. A guy that acted like the man described in the OP dated my sister for a while. He turned abusive pretty quickly. He's now in prison for felony assault. My sister was the victim of that assault.
I don't have an opinion about the guy OP dated. My only thought was that based on some of the comments on this thread, my wife should have run as fast as she could from me. Of course, I have never been in therapy though my wife probably feels at times I should have been.
Sorry about your sister, PP.
There is a difference. Did you tell her that you discussed it with your therapist too?
Anonymous
05/24/2014 21:35
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
In light of the tragedy in Isla Vista, be careful with your words, OP.
Anonymous
05/24/2014 08:21
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:thanks everyone. i figured this was the way i should go. now i need to figure out how to do it nicely. he really still thinks he has a chance.
You can not worry about his feelings. You need to be direct, not nice. You need to make it clear that you are not interested. You do not want to be friends. You do not want to hear from him. If he asks why, it is probably best to be a bitch and say it is my life, I decide.
The thing is, if you give him anything to hang on to, he may not go away. "I am busy" means he can try next week.
Signed.
-- A guy who was like this while young, and scared someone I liked.
Anonymous
05/24/2014 05:50
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:[b]Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Canadian here- It's the Americans who are weird about dating. We don't date multiple people at the same time just like the Latinos/Europeans. After one day we are very often exclusive. I don't know anyone back home who dates multiple people, except maybe ho's.
Here we can afford to date freely because we don't need to quickly pair up before we are snowed in for next 8 months.
Typical American response. Did you know that in many cities in Canada it doesn't even snow?
The snow post was a joke. Lighten up.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 22:00
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Don't wait. He probably is buying an engagement ring and booking a hall.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:48
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:thanks everyone. i figured this was the way i should go. now i need to figure out how to do it nicely. he really still thinks he has a chance.
Good call, OP. Just keep it really short and to the point, direct but polite. Don't explain and don't apologize, or he might to try to exploit your guilt for more time and attention. And whatever you do, don't respond to any further requests for an explanation. It will just drag things out and intensify the situation for him. The quicker it ends, the quicker it ends. "Bob, it was nice to meet you last week. I don't see things going any farther between us, though, and need to call off dinner next weekend. Best wishes, Jane."
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:45
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:What's there to be concerned about?
It sounds a little stalker, serial killer-ish creepy.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:41
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Man here.
RUN!
RUN!
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:41
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:thanks everyone. i figured this was the way i should go. now i need to figure out how to do it nicely. he really still thinks he has a chance.
If you must do it in person:
public place
daytime only
have a friend meet you at an appointed time (when you figure you've delivered the bad news)
Please follow up with us
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:35
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
thanks everyone. i figured this was the way i should go. now i need to figure out how to do it nicely. he really still thinks he has a chance.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 17:06
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:guy here - run and never look back.
go on another date with him, you take the real chance that he actually becomes a stalker and obsessed with you.
+100
Cut it off now!
Anonymous
05/23/2014 16:52
Subject: Re:Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Tell him he was nice but it didn't "click" for you. No second date. Be polite. Be nice. Then-
RUN LIKE HELL AND DON'T LOOK BACK
Dude sounds like a needy emotional black hole. Not enough red flags in the world for this guy.
Couldn't agree more. Nicely cancel the second date, OP. And read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It's about how to recognize unstable/overly needy/violent stalker-type people and steer clear of them.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 16:50
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:guy here - run and never look back.
go on another date with him, you take the real chance that he actually becomes a stalker and obsessed with you.
+1.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 16:45
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Listen to me. Do. Not. Go. On. Another. Date. With. This. Man. Okay?! I dated one of these in my mid 20's and he turned out to be massively needy and unstable. When I broke it off he became verbally abusive and s borderline stalker.
Just tell him point blank that you do not wish to g on a second date and do not see any potential for a relationship. Nip it now before it gets weird.
+10000000. Same thing happened to me.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 16:44
Subject: Had one date and he wants a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Send him a mix tape with this song:
"Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends"
--"Popular" by Nada Surf
Awesome song, awesome lyrics, awesome advice.