I strongly recommend family counseling to talk through these issues. There's clearly been some breakdown in the communication, and while I don't think you're abusive, the dynamic you describe is not appropriate for a ten year old.

For example, in the food issue - engaging in a battle of wills to eat this or that will cause these issues. Decide what and when you are serving dinner and serve it. He decides how much to eat of it. If he doesn't eat it, don't worry about it or offer other things (obviously if there's a true aversion, that's different and I would offer something else upfront). He is ten and has survived this long, unless you have a very pressing health matter there is no need to force him to eat food he doesn't want. Maybe he really couldn't eat it. So you basically forced him into lying since he was backed into a corner, and punished him for it.

Ellyn Satter is a great resource on drama free, healthy eating habits: http://www.amazon.com/Ellyn-Satter/e/B000APPUYQ

Anonymous wrote:I stole money from my parents at that age. Would never dream of stealing as an adult. I think it's something many kids try before they have a developed sense of morals. He could mature to be just fine, OP.

+1 I stole an eraser from a friend's house when I was 9 or so. To this day, I feel guilty about it. Kid still needs to be punished, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

This isn't the 60s.
Where do they still spank in school?

Most schools in Texas do

Wow. Maybe we should take another look at the Texas model because, you know, they're so advanced in so many other areas. We should aspire........

http://pepparent.org/

What about taking a PEP course? I'm taking PEP I for 5-12 year olds, and I found it helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

This isn't the 60s.
Where do they still spank in school?

Most schools in Texas do

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

This isn't the 60s.
Where do they still spank in school?

Anonymous wrote:This is insane. OP already stated that spanking is rare and used only for big events. For something like this, I would want my child's first reaction when contemplating doing this again to be "oh, no my folks will KILL me". We don't need to have all kinds of "understand his motivations" or "validate his feelings of anxiety".

This isn't really about trust on either side. I would be furious at my kid and want him to understand that this behavior is never acceptable. I wouldn't really care WHY he thought it was unacceptable. And I would keep that kid on a tighter leash.

I would want to know those things, because my kid is a really good kid, usually, and doesn't need threat of punishment to do the right thing. He's a member of our society (our family, our town) and I want him to behave and do the right thing, not due to fear he'll get caught, but because it is the right, moral thing to do.

So it would be very important to me to understand why he did this. Because you can't teach a child to do better until you know why he did poorly.

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you for hitting your child? Did it make you feel better? Allow you to display your power over a CHILD? You need counseling OP. Shame! Shame!

That child should be beat within an inch of his life. Shame on that kid. I would have spanked until he was bleeding. Spare the rod spoil the child.

I stole money from my parents at that age. Would never dream of stealing as an adult. I think it's something many kids try before they have a developed sense of morals. He could mature to be just fine, OP.

This is insane. OP already stated that spanking is rare and used only for big events. For something like this, I would want my child's first reaction when contemplating doing this again to be "oh, no my folks will KILL me". We don't need to have all kinds of "understand his motivations" or "validate his feelings of anxiety".

This isn't really about trust on either side. I would be furious at my kid and want him to understand that this behavior is never acceptable. I wouldn't really care WHY he thought it was unacceptable. And I would keep that kid on a tighter leash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

That's pretty limited to southern states. They certainly can't do that in VA, DC or Maryland.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

You broke the trust between you and your child....by hitting him.

+1 what are you goign to do when he gets older and does something worse?

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

Anonymous wrote:If he were my kid, I'd ask him to wrote a one page essay why stealing is wrong.

I'd also talk to him about why he stole. Does he feel a need for pocket money? If so, talk to him about various ethical ways he can get pocket money.

Teach, don't just punish.

*write

If he were my kid, I'd ask him to wrote a one page essay why stealing is wrong.

I'd also talk to him about why he stole. Does he feel a need for pocket money? If so, talk to him about various ethical ways he can get pocket money.

Teach, don't just punish.