Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

I don't understand why you feel bad. DH accepted it without running it by you and presumably he realizes that there is no bed in the basement and the bathroom in basement has not be cleaned in awhile. You said he is capable of doing the work and either he will do it or put on his big boy pants and tell his parents he won't have time to get it ready. As a pp mentioned, you don't agree to something without spouse input that requires the spouse to do all the work...and a pregnant spouse at that.

As for feeling slighted that they prefer the basement to the guest room, there will be other people that will be thrilled to stay in your guest room. Also as you can see people have very different notions of staying with family, some prefer guest rooms (if available) , some stay in hotels,some stay in the basement and prefer that, some take over a bedroom of another person in the house (like when grandma visits, a kid gives up his/her room) ..lots of different possibilities and people have different expectations/upbringing. My dad was a fit people wherever you have space we ain't fancy when family visits. We didn't see them often, people didn't have money for hotel, and we didn't have spare rooms waiting for infrequent family visits. The most important thing was that they were coming to visit, not the sleeping arrangements. Now DH's family did not have visits like that and would have either not visited or stayed at a hotel if there wasn't a room with a bed for guests. I think each of us had a bit of a shock getting used to the differences but I have seen that there are positives to both sides. We have both had to bend a little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, rude PP! Did you not read my post yesterday at 20:53? Since you clearly aren't reading the entire thread, I will copy and paste it for you here. Read the entire thread before you post your judgy/snarky responses. -OP

Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

Saying you aren't controlling doesn't mean you aren't controlling. Most people who are controlling say they aren't. You sound like a nightmare - focusing on what is within your rights to refuse.... it is within your rights to refuse all kinds of things. Doesn't make you a nice person but you can refuse just about anything.

The OP says she's not controlling, but in an earlier post she insinuated that her husband was incapable of setting up a mattress and sheets (he doesn't "know the first thing about" them) so she would have to do all the work. You can say you aren't controlling 'till the cows come home, but that doesn't mean it's true. Think about it--why, exactly, does it bother you that the in-laws won't be using the guest room? And why would you suggest that your husband couldn't manage setting up a guest bed if you didn't think it was true?

There are very good reasons to tell the in-laws that the basement isn't an option--say, you couldn't afford another mattress and you didn't want to haul the guest bed downstairs, or something. That's not the point.

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, rude PP! Did you not read my post yesterday at 20:53? Since you clearly aren't reading the entire thread, I will copy and paste it for you here. Read the entire thread before you post your judgy/snarky responses. -OP

Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

Saying you aren't controlling doesn't mean you aren't controlling. Most people who are controlling say they aren't. You sound like a nightmare - focusing on what is within your rights to refuse.... it is within your rights to refuse all kinds of things. Doesn't make you a nice person but you can refuse just about anything.

Now that we have kids in our former guest rooms, and our guest room is in the basement, I coudln't be happier. I hated running into my in-laws in my robe in the middle of the night, and, what's worse, forget about the baby waking up my in-laws, my in-laws snore so much that they kept me awake. I am so much happier putting them in the basement.

In terms of getting the room ready, just make a list for your DH and buy from Amazon. Shouldn't take too long to order one of those full size aerobeds and then some sheets. Or direct your husband to take said sheets off of bed.

Look, I hear where you are coming from. I used to have the most wonderful guest room and bathroom. I changed the towels every day, I made sure that every single toiletry was there -- they forgot a toothbrush or razor, no problem. I was a great hostess. I bought expensive soap. Now, I just don't care, and you know what, no one else does either. When my in-laws come, if I haven't gotten around to it, they make the bed (the sheets are clean, but they will make the bed). They are OK with finding a bar of soap if I've forgotten to put one out. They know where to get the toilet paper. We are all much more comfortable now.

Anonymous wrote:Tell them to use the guest room. Newborns are pretty quiet actually, so I would be surprised if your inlaws heard it. Secondly, it's a short trip and they won't die if they are a touch sleep deprived for a few days. I would get a white noise machine as they are great for getting babies to sleep, and also it will prevent your inlaws from hearing noise if that's important to you.

I wouldn't mention it again to anyone. Just tell your inlaws when they arrive they will be staying in the guest room as you didn't have time to prepare the basement. They will be fine.

Don't listen to the harpies on this thread. Most of them are too old to remember what it's like to be pregnant/with young kids.

Wait a minute! We are harpies because we are telling OP what we think will be best in the long run? We are harpies for telling the OP that her DH should spare her the work and take this on as HIS project? Look, we can disagree all day long, but my opinion is just as valid as yours! I have had IL's stay in my guest room when I had a newborn - and it was not the best situation for any of us. I was basing my advice on experience - not pulling it out of my ass.

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Doesn't matter that he said yes. He can go back and say, "Sorry, I didn't realize how far the basement is from being a suitable guestroom at this point. Would you prefer the upstairs guestroom or a hotel."

Tell them to use the guest room. Newborns are pretty quiet actually, so I would be surprised if your inlaws heard it. Secondly, it's a short trip and they won't die if they are a touch sleep deprived for a few days. I would get a white noise machine as they are great for getting babies to sleep, and also it will prevent your inlaws from hearing noise if that's important to you.

I wouldn't mention it again to anyone. Just tell your inlaws when they arrive they will be staying in the guest room as you didn't have time to prepare the basement. They will be fine.

Don't listen to the harpies on this thread. Most of them are too old to remember what it's like to be pregnant/with young kids.

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, rude PP! Did you not read my post yesterday at 20:53? Since you clearly aren't reading the entire thread, I will copy and paste it for you here. Read the entire thread before you post your judgy/snarky responses. -OP

Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

You may not be controlling of your husband, but I think you're being a little controlling of your in-laws. If it were an issue of time and effort as you're approaching your delivery date, I would be sympathetic (as I think most posters here have been).

But you just really REALLY want them to use your guest room. I'm sure you've spent time on it, and it's probably lovely -- but they've made it clear that they would prefer more privacy and/or more distance from a crying infant at night. To me part of being a good host is putting your guests' comfort above your pride in your decorating skills.

Excuse me, rude PP! Did you not read my post yesterday at 20:53? Since you clearly aren't reading the entire thread, I will copy and paste it for you here. Read the entire thread before you post your judgy/snarky responses. -OP

Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

DH is in for a BIG shock when the baby arrives!

The shock may be that his wife thinks he is an incompetent idiot. I am sure he already knows how micromanaging and controlling she is. However it is one thing to micromanage a guest bedroom and another to micromanage how he parents. Poor guy. He is already set up to be 'wrong' all the time, to not do things her way etc. Not much respect here. Op will be posting in a few months about how awful her husband is as a father. He doesn't have a chance.

OP - we don't have a guest room, but we do have a finished basement and a baby coming in June. As nice as it is to provide guests a beautiful, comfortable room - people just want to see the baby and help you. My parents just spent a long weekend on on our old mattress - we got a new one - with TV trays for nightstands because I haven't ordered new ones. They also had sheets and a quilt that did not match.

In my defense we moved in 3 weeks ago and it's a work in progress. But they are family and they love you even if the decor is not up to your normal standards. Just get a inexpensive mattress from Sleepy's, collect some extra towels and sheets, and they can make do. They asked for the basement. Perhaps they want to save the guest room for your relatives or they just want some space.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Pregnant wife wins, duh. He needs to be putting your needs and wants first right now.

Uhhh....but pregnant wife is not looking at the big picture. I agree with IL's in that the basement is the BEST place for them. OP is focused on the guest room and the work needed to get the basement ready (WHICH DH SHOULD DO). She is NOT thinking about the sapce she will need when the baby comes home. So....pregnant wife may "win" but is does not mean that she will win in the long run.

OP should tell DH to get the basement ready.

Wouldn't it be simpler for the ILs to stay in a hotel then for the OP and her DH to have to rearrange their home? Or for the ILs to stay in the guest room and then move to a hotel when OP comes home from the hospital? If the ILs really want to be able to sleep and have some privacy (or give the OP some privacy), that's the best way to make that happen.

Of course it would be simpler, but based on the OP's post, I am not sure that she thinks of that is an option. I based my comment on the options/issues laid out by OP.