OP, you sound like a great and loving person. It's a blessing to have the issue that you do as it shows that you have a loving family who wants to spend time with one another. Everything else is logistics . Don't sweat it. This will work out.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is weird that your brother isn't flying to the city nearer the beach. It's even weirder that, if he is flying here first, he doesn't see his dad.

Traffic will be better on Sunday either. Are you in one car or two? If two, you guys can leave on Saturday, and your brother can leave on Sunday after seeing your dad.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. My brother and I are working through it. My dad gets it. He's disappointed that he was not included but it very happy that he raised 2 children that want to be close to each other. His take away from this is that when he is gone he knows that we have each other.

As for why my brother is flying in here and not closer to the beach....we're going to Nags Head. The closest airport is Norfolk. The closest airport to my brother is another small airport. To get to Norfolk, he has a 4 hour layover at DCA. It's just the way the flights work. Norfolk to Nags head is 72 miles. Trip adviser says 1.5 hrs but I'm guessing that is not applicable on a Sat in the summer. So, he's going to drive down with my family because with a 4 hr layover plus the 1.5 hrs from Norfolk, it's about the same amount of time to drive. This way the cousins can hang out on the car ride as well.

Anonymous wrote:You are a terrible child. I hope you.remember your selfishness at their funerals and repent.

No, OP is a good mom and child.

You're a nasty person whose family must not like her for obvious reasons.

You are a terrible child. I hope you.remember your selfishness at their funerals and repent.

All these people telling you you need to invite your dad, step mom and step mom's mom are crazy. They obviously don't know what it is like to be in a stressful situation with parents. Do not do this to yourself. Stay strong.

Since they see you, ask your brother to invite the folks up to NY some time. They need to get over it. They are adults.

The way the OP has described it, it would be hell having additional 3 people with you for vacation.

Anonymous wrote:It's clear that what is lost is the inter-generational caring and commitment that used to mark human family relationships. There are many people, lots on this board, with toxic parents and relationships characterized by abuse. You don't describe that type of problem. You describe wanting to be a "kid" and have fun time away from your parents while your parents, who are admittedly elderly and may or may not have another year of life left in them, want to impose on your good time.

What is there to be grateful for? How about being grateful for having living parents who are still mentally stable and physically able at 75 years old and having parents that you love and who love you and who love their grandchildren. These are not things to be taken for granted or blown off.

But she sees them all the time. Where are you getting this??

I think it is weird that your brother isn't flying to the city nearer the beach. It's even weirder that, if he is flying here first, he doesn't see his dad.

Traffic will be better on Sunday either. Are you in one car or two? If two, you guys can leave on Saturday, and your brother can leave on Sunday after seeing your dad.

Just pack up early on the last Saturday and drive back and have dinner with them before your brother's family leaves on Sunday morning.

Make a reservation somewhere and if your parents have an issue with it, tell them this is the best you can do to insure they see all the kids together this trip.

OP, if you want absolution of guilt, I'll give it to you. Go have your great week with your sibling. You've tried a vacation with your dad and stepmom, you know it doesn't work, and now there's her 100 year old mom to consider…nope, hold your ground, tell dad and stepmom that you love them, but you're having some time with your sibling, and you'll see them when you get home.

I totally agree!

My mom just started assuming she would be included in all vacations so I stopped telling her about what I was planning. When she did find out about a trip to Disney and quickly acted as if she was going I flat out said that she is not invited to go. End of discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you make time for your brothers kids to visit the grandparents? Pay for a sitter and take the kids to grandparents sans parents. That way grandparents get time with grand kids but don't have to be exhausted to do it, and it doesn't use up all the vacation time.

I don't think this will work. His family is flying in from NY in the 6am flight. They land in DC around 8:30. We are hoping to be on the road by 10. I believe it's about 6 hours drive. We have the house on a sat -sat rental. Coming home we will drive back on Sat and they will fly out on the 6am flight Sunday morning. The kids start school the following day. We could tell our parents that we could get together on Sat night before they fly out but we have no control over traffic and don't don't what time we will end up back in DC. One of the reasons we not want our parents to come is that they are very rigid.. What time will you be here? Why are you late? You said you would be here by 5 and now it's 3 and your still 4 hrs away... Those type of comments are par for the course.

... having read the whole thread, whew! This sounds more like a nightmare than a vacation to me. Flying + 6hours driving, +6 hours driving back would be enough for me. But then adding the step mom and her looong drawn out dinners (sat thru enough of THOSE in my lifetime!) plus taking care of elderly step granny (and listening to the complaining) sounds like work not a vacation. At least not one I would ever want to take. Yikes! And all of this joy because "granddad wants to see the grandkids!" If you believe that, I have some penny stocks for you to buy. email me at www.doormat. com

OP here...well my parents just spent the morning with my kids. They dropped them off and said the morning was "trying". My kids do not sit quietly for long periods of time. Maybe I have the wrong expectations but I think kids sitting for 45 min is good enough. Asking them to sit for longer is just asking for trouble. They took them to a play that the kids obviously were not interested in.

To the poster who asked about my brother driving....I am not "making" him do anything. It was a discussion we both agreed to.

OP, I think the suggestion (maybe it was your idea) of having the kids come down early is a very good one. You preserve the vacation with just siblings, yet your father is able to enjoy having all his grandkids together. You will never be able to please your stepmother, but taking an extra step here demonstrates you are responsive and flexible, but not rigid and uncaring.

Am I the only one wondering why you are making your brother drive with you for 6 hours after a plane ride?? There are a hundred beaches within 3 hours. If his vacation time is so limited, why wouldn't you be more efficient with the travel time?

Let us know what happens OP!