Anonymous
Post 04/19/2014 23:45     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
My MIL was engaged for a few years to a complete jerk, my DD met him for the first time when she was three and for some reason MIL introduced him by his full name, John Smith. From then on she called him by his full name constantly and it became kind of comedy how it drove him nuts, there was something subtly disrespectful about it. Luckily the wedding never happened and it only lasted a few years.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2014 21:06     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Oh, OP. So sorry. I was going to ask why on earth your kids were in the wedding butI see in the thread you do get along with your half sister.

I thought Mrs. (last name) would be perfect until I realized that is your last name too.

It's a bit passive aggressive but I think you can cover it. I'd vote for "Kids, this is Grandpa X's wife, (first name). You can call her "Stepgranny"

(you could go for Stepmeemaw (see the posts above), but I think Stepgranny sounds pretty darn bad. Sub for Stepgrandmother, etc as you like. But I love having the step in there.)

I would give her some kind of title in front of your kids with a big smile, but not one that actually conveys any kind of possible warmth that should be shown to her by your kids.

If she is a major bitch in front of your children, consider it an opportunity for your to teach your kids that not everyone is a good person, but that they *are* good.

Hope you have a wonderful time with the bride and stay far from stepmeemaw. Or if you do talk with her, be a little careless with your red wine glass in her direction (mostly kidding, but I'm sure the image will entertain you).

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2014 16:49     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:"Larla. This is grandpa's wife, Jane."


+1000
I would NOT ask her what she wants your kids to call her as what would you say when she says "Grandma?"
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2014 16:37     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
We call my dad when he is not around granddud. Actually, I just realized the title is gender neutral. Feel free to take it.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 19:22     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.

I'm a stepmom (my bonus is now an adult), but I'm not understanding what the issue is. If all the kids lived together all the time, what would you do? Why can't the other kids just come to swim class and breakfast. The point is to operate as a family, so you do what families do, which means not every event is geared to EVERY one.
And I must say...yea on the destination wedding...we had one... and no kids were allowed at the resort, but my bonus was 16 (the minimum age). Otherwise, we would have done something else.[/quote
Also, I've never seen older siblings at Gymboree, MyGym, etc. If I had a 12 and 13 year old, I would leave them at home and let the younger kid get some individual attention at these things. Or afterwards enjoy an ice cream with a family from the class with a kid the same age. With my stepkids, I doubt they would want to be dragged along and I feel guilty leaving them at home if we all go (when my husband wants to come).

Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 18:51     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.

I'm a stepmom (my bonus is now an adult), but I'm not understanding what the issue is. If all the kids lived together all the time, what would you do? Why can't the other kids just come to swim class and breakfast. The point is to operate as a family, so you do what families do, which means not every event is geared to EVERY one.
And I must say...yea on the destination wedding...we had one... and no kids were allowed at the resort, but my bonus was 16 (the minimum age). Otherwise, we would have done something else.


I'm this pp and I want to say I was not trying to come down on you, just wanted to point out that you are over-thinking it. Honestly, that comes from being a new mom, your kid is a toddler and at this point it seems like everything is about the little one. At some point, you realize, 'meh, not so much'. In other words, everyone can go with the flow and no one will get hurt.


Thanks. I'm sure I am over thinking things. I've never been so close to a divorce and seeing how hard having two separate homes is on kids. Their experience is so much different than that of an intact home (especially since DH was only married to their mom for 2 years - 1 year after first kid was born and then divorced when second kid was born). I just don't want to make things worse for them but it is hard sometimes to run our family of 3 and then twice a month 5.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 15:29     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.

I'm a stepmom (my bonus is now an adult), but I'm not understanding what the issue is. If all the kids lived together all the time, what would you do? Why can't the other kids just come to swim class and breakfast. The point is to operate as a family, so you do what families do, which means not every event is geared to EVERY one.
And I must say...yea on the destination wedding...we had one... and no kids were allowed at the resort, but my bonus was 16 (the minimum age). Otherwise, we would have done something else.


I'm this pp and I want to say I was not trying to come down on you, just wanted to point out that you are over-thinking it. Honestly, that comes from being a new mom, your kid is a toddler and at this point it seems like everything is about the little one. At some point, you realize, 'meh, not so much'. In other words, everyone can go with the flow and no one will get hurt.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 15:20     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.


There's no requirement to do everything together. But you just can't make everything revolve around your child. That means that, no, you will not be able to spend 10 hrs/weekend at Jr's travel soccer games. And your step kids should get equal time to do activities planned for them.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 15:03     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.

I'm a stepmom (my bonus is now an adult), but I'm not understanding what the issue is. If all the kids lived together all the time, what would you do? Why can't the other kids just come to swim class and breakfast. The point is to operate as a family, so you do what families do, which means not every event is geared to EVERY one.
And I must say...yea on the destination wedding...we had one... and no kids were allowed at the resort, but my bonus was 16 (the minimum age). Otherwise, we would have done something else.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 13:34     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
How about Old Hag X.

I'm so sorry OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 13:16     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.


Oh it sucks to have to change your schedule when your DH's kids are around? Cry me a river. Should have thought about that before marrying a man with children. Watch yourself carefully bc you have just the right amount of entitlement and thinly disguised resentment to be an evil stepmother in the making.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 11:54     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.


Definitely don't want to be an evil step mother. By events I mean birthday parties of kids his age, etc. When he starts school he'll likely play soccer or other sports that will continue to require our time - or are things that DH will want to do with him and not me. I'm supportive of stepkids having alone time with dad, but it sucks to separate every other weekend with me chasing after toddler and taking him to activities or park, library, whatever (staying home all day with an active kid is not an option)and not behave as we normally do - go to swim class together and then have breakfast with other families in the class for example. Hard to find things we can all do together and I predict it will get harder as they become teenagers - though most teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents anyway.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 11:22     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.


Well you sound like you are not an evil step mother, but you did sort of start off on the wrong foot by excluding them from their own father's wedding. Surely you could have picked some other venue that accommodated children. As for now, just simplify your life when they are with you. Your toddler does not need to go to "events" that would require excluding the older kid. Or you go with the toddler and let your DH have alone time with his kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 11:15     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
Just curious, what other things did your stepmom do over the years to create this issue? My stepkids didn't attend our wedding (it was destination with no kids) but I would hope that this wouldn't scar them. They only saw DH a couple of times a year at the time. Now that we have our own child it is a struggle to balance our everyday life and the times that they are with us - things to include them in, things that we can do on our own, etc. I am constantly looking at the calendar to figure out what dates work for visiting my family or things we can do while we're all together. Getting invited to events for our toddler during their weekends with us is also a problem as they're 10-11 years older and either aren't invited or wouldn't want to go. Struggling to include them as it can't always be done.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2014 10:12     Subject: S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?
I agree with Grandmother Gothel.