OP here. Thanks for all the responses. The issue is that in finance most of it is just "showing up" and being present. There's this weird culture in that if you "want it more" you're there longer. One guy told me, you've got to put in "20 good years". Also, these events aren't fun. It's just a bunch of socially awkward people who are only concerned about their careers and only want to talk about carried interest or PE lockup times. The most interesting thing we've talked about is the Martoma trial.

Here's the thing. If you guys were to divorce, she'd have even less help from you and you'd be splitting the money (yours, most likely) between two households. Which, as I can tell you, sucks.

So I think the solution here is to decide how many nights "out" is acceptable to both of you. Your work hours are great, and probably not the problem, but you may need to get better at setting priorities for your after-work hours and saying "no" to some things strategically. Like maybe 2 weeknights out is ok, but more than that isn't ok? (or you could give her two nights off too.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her, not us.

I'm sure he has.

I can kinda see both sides here so I am on the fence.

I can see how important it is for your career and for you to advance properly if you put in the extra time + effort right now, yet I can also see how overwhelmed she must feel w/childcare duties.

However, I am kinda leaning on your wife's side a little more.
Why so?

Just because you also made the conscious decision to be a parent and by making that choice, one must understand that certain sacrifices have to made in one's life along w/that choice.
And for you, career sacrifices must be considered.

Good luck.

A PP DW here. That sounds great and all - but is the OP's wife willing to work full time? Is she willing to pass up the fancy vacations and the private school? See...I am all for sacrificing in the career if there is a mutual realization and agreement that career sacrifice = less money, a downgrade in lifestyle and realization that those career/financial goals may never be reached. In otherwords, if OP jumps off the fast track at work, his DW then has no right to complain if they cannot afford private school, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the DW and getting the same stuff from my husband. I have already dialed it back -- significantly jeopardizing my promotion potential -- and he is still complaining. We have one child and he works FT but in a fairly 9-5, not too stressful environment. I am SO OVER the complaining. What do they want from us???

+1

This is life. We do not live in the 1950's where everyone can work 9-5, go to three hour "client lunches" and act like Ozzie and Harriet from 6pm on every weeknight and every weekend. Everyone is expendable unless you are constantly proving yourself. If you don't want to live in a shack and never go anywhere and eat Kraft macaroni and cheese every night, this is life.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her, not us.

I'm sure he has.

I can kinda see both sides here so I am on the fence.

I can see how important it is for your career and for you to advance properly if you put in the extra time + effort right now, yet I can also see how overwhelmed she must feel w/childcare duties.

However, I am kinda leaning on your wife's side a little more.
Why so?

Just because you also made the conscious decision to be a parent and by making that choice, one must understand that certain sacrifices have to made in one's life along w/that choice.
And for you, career sacrifices must be considered.

Good luck.

I'm the DW, and I think your DW sounds whiney and out of touch with what the workplace is like. If she wants vacations to Europe and fancy private preschool, then she to realize that money doesn't grow on trees. Your hours sound reasonable, and if she's only working part time, it makes sense for her to bear most of the brunt of the domestic duties. There are plenty of families where BOTH parents work the kind of hours that you work, and somehow people manage to strike a balance. Has she ever worked full time? Does she take care of bills? In this economy, you are lucky to be able to afford your lifestyle with your hours. I don't get it at all. Would it be great if the culture of the US was a little more family friendly across all sectors and we didn't as a country work such long hours? Sure. But it is what it is.

OP, I'm the DW and getting the same stuff from my husband. I have already dialed it back -- significantly jeopardizing my promotion potential -- and he is still complaining. We have one child and he works FT but in a fairly 9-5, not too stressful environment. I am SO OVER the complaining. What do they want from us???

These wives like thr OPs are so bizarre to me. Both DH and I work FT. I have the easier job. I work about 35 hrs a week and can often do it at home. As a result I carry the brunt of the domestic duties. My DH sometimes has brutal hours. Why would I get on his case? He already has enough stress at his job, the last thing he needs is me nagging him. He hates not being home at night. We also make the same amount of money. I'm happy that I can have the easy job so I can better focuz on our boys. He misses out on things sometimes and it hurts him.

People like the OP are so out of touch. Coming home should not be a source of stress. The home should be a place to relax and leave the stress at the door.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here - I may get flamed but I also think the OP's wife needs to appreciate that he is bearing the financial pressure so that she can SAH ad work part time. If the roles were reversed and the DH was complaining about DW's hours, you all would be on his case.

+1 And I am a wife, who works similar hours to OP. I think his wife is a PITA who needs to get over herself.

Wife here and I agree too. The wife is bitching and they only have ONE child? A single child is a dream...it is like having a cat.