Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 23:24     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you happy? Because honestly you don't sound it and perhaps that is part of what is causing an issue.


OP here and I am very happy. I am about to finish up my 20th year of schooling and start my first real job. Look I am sorry for showing concern for a family member, but I have gotten some good advice here and I will not bring up her lack of employment again unless she wants to discuss it.


Hold on, you haven't even started your first real job yet and you think you know what's best for your sister in this arena? I think the best thing you can do is trust your sister to find her own path (even if that includes ups and downs) and support her with your love, respect and kindness along this journey.

Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 23:04     Subject: Re:Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:I could understand taking a month off to relax. More than that seems a bit much. It's harder to get back into the job market the longer you have been away. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do if your sister doesn't listen to your advice. I wouldn't feel comfortable having to depend on someone else to take care of me. Hopefully your sister's marriage is strong and she won't find herself unemployed, divorced, and broke in the future.






+1 Unless you're independently wealthy, gotta have a backup plan. Hopefully she goes back to school. A few months off isn't so bad.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 21:22     Subject: Sister Problems
this is completely not your responsibility at. all. be happy she is happy.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 19:00     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you happy? Because honestly you don't sound it and perhaps that is part of what is causing an issue.


OP here and I am very happy. I am about to finish up my 20th year of schooling and start my first real job. Look I am sorry for showing concern for a family member, but I have gotten some good advice here and I will not bring up her lack of employment again unless she wants to discuss it.


You really don't get it do you?
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:46     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you happy? Because honestly you don't sound it and perhaps that is part of what is causing an issue.


OP here and I am very happy. I am about to finish up my 20th year of schooling and start my first real job. Look I am sorry for showing concern for a family member, but I have gotten some good advice here and I will not bring up her lack of employment again unless she wants to discuss it.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:39     Subject: Sister Problems
OP, are you happy? Because honestly you don't sound it and perhaps that is part of what is causing an issue.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:39     Subject: Sister Problems
OP she IS being productive, just not in a way that you see fit.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:37     Subject: Sister Problems
you're*
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:37     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:


OP here and my sister and I have a pretty good relationship. We've had our ups and downs but have always come back together. We shared a hotel room the night before her wedding and we were talking about a lot of different things and yes I asked her if she doubted her decision even a little bit and she answered no with complete certainty. To another pp, no I am not married and in all honesty I wish I have found someone I didn't have doubts about. I have been dating someone for over a year now and I still have doubts if he is the one. My sister was engaged after they dated for only a year and a half and married after a year long engagement. So I accept that maybe I should look at her relationship that seems really great and try to figure out what it has that my past relationships and possibly current relationship is missing. That being said, in my OP I never said I didn't think she had a good marriage, I voiced my concerns about her decision to quit her job and not actively look for another one. Even if she does go back to school, what is she going to tell future employers about this big gap on her resume? Relationships don't always last and I don't want her to be left with nothing if something does happen.


I dated my bf for several months before he proposed. We were married about a year and a half after we started dating. I had issues with cheaters and sometimes you have to take a chance. I was pretty clear with DH before we married. I said if he cheated, we would divorce. No working through it, because that is something I couldn't forgive. Same for abuse. Anything else, I would work on. We have been married 9 years. I am currently a SAHM and I love it. I have a degree and put my career on hold because my kids were more important than $. I worked with my first child and that enabled us to pay off our home, so financially, I was able to stay home with second child. Financially/Emotionally/Physically rearranging my schedule to include a career with kids wasn't worth it for me.

In another post, you said sister is living off "Husband's Money." You are wrong. It's their money. When people start thinking his/hers, you get into trouble. When it's "Ours" I think it leads to a happy home.

Money isn't the key to happiness for everyone. Actually, I don't know anyone who IS happy because of money. (But then again, I don't know any millionaires.)


I get what your saying but my sister does not have kids, she says they are never going to have kids. I don't understand why she doesn't want to be productive with this time. However the consensus here is if she is happy I should leave her be and I will take that advice.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:29     Subject: Sister Problems
Somehow the quotes got removed on the PP. Only the first paragraph is OP's.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 18:28     Subject: Sister Problems


OP here and my sister and I have a pretty good relationship. We've had our ups and downs but have always come back together. We shared a hotel room the night before her wedding and we were talking about a lot of different things and yes I asked her if she doubted her decision even a little bit and she answered no with complete certainty. To another pp, no I am not married and in all honesty I wish I have found someone I didn't have doubts about. I have been dating someone for over a year now and I still have doubts if he is the one. My sister was engaged after they dated for only a year and a half and married after a year long engagement. So I accept that maybe I should look at her relationship that seems really great and try to figure out what it has that my past relationships and possibly current relationship is missing. That being said, in my OP I never said I didn't think she had a good marriage, I voiced my concerns about her decision to quit her job and not actively look for another one. Even if she does go back to school, what is she going to tell future employers about this big gap on her resume? Relationships don't always last and I don't want her to be left with nothing if something does happen.


I dated my bf for several months before he proposed. We were married about a year and a half after we started dating. I had issues with cheaters and sometimes you have to take a chance. I was pretty clear with DH before we married. I said if he cheated, we would divorce. No working through it, because that is something I couldn't forgive. Same for abuse. Anything else, I would work on. We have been married 9 years. I am currently a SAHM and I love it. I have a degree and put my career on hold because my kids were more important than $. I worked with my first child and that enabled us to pay off our home, so financially, I was able to stay home with second child. Financially/Emotionally/Physically rearranging my schedule to include a career with kids wasn't worth it for me.

In another post, you said sister is living off "Husband's Money." You are wrong. It's their money. When people start thinking his/hers, you get into trouble. When it's "Ours" I think it leads to a happy home.

Money isn't the key to happiness for everyone. Actually, I don't know anyone who IS happy because of money. (But then again, I don't know any millionaires.)
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 17:56     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would also find this annoying. I can't think of a single person I know who is under 65, no kids, and just doesn't work.


You have not met my BIL and SIL. SIL does seasonal work every year and then collects unemployment the rest of the time. BIL has what I believe to be mental health issues though he has not be diagnosed with anything. He has extreme narcissism at the very least, along with a a messiah complex. Does not believe he needs to work. Poor DH--these are his siblings.


Your BIL sounds bipolar.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 17:20     Subject: Sister Problems
Anonymous wrote:I would also find this annoying. I can't think of a single person I know who is under 65, no kids, and just doesn't work.


You have not met my BIL and SIL. SIL does seasonal work every year and then collects unemployment the rest of the time. BIL has what I believe to be mental health issues though he has not be diagnosed with anything. He has extreme narcissism at the very least, along with a a messiah complex. Does not believe he needs to work. Poor DH--these are his siblings.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 17:10     Subject: Re:Sister Problems
I could understand taking a month off to relax. More than that seems a bit much. It's harder to get back into the job market the longer you have been away. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do if your sister doesn't listen to your advice. I wouldn't feel comfortable having to depend on someone else to take care of me. Hopefully your sister's marriage is strong and she won't find herself unemployed, divorced, and broke in the future.



Anonymous
Post 04/15/2014 16:56     Subject: Sister Problems
I used to judge my sister like you OP because she seemed to have some poor judgment in a few areas of her life. I didn't share my opinions with her but sisters definitely can pick up on judgment from each other even if no words are exchanged. She continued as she felt the need, carried on with life, and now she's a huge success. Of course, I want marriage and long term stability for her in her personal life because I want her to be happy, but sometimes I think as the older sister, we see the younger one going through a phase that we've just come out of, we know the risks and pain it entails, and we just want to shake them and say - you don't have to do this to yourself! - but our little sisters aren't younger versions of us. They're their own people, their mistakes may or may not have anything to do with our own worries and regrets. I think you're projecting a lot onto her that you wish you could say to yourself.

Just let your sister be for now. She's not in crisis. She's made a decision and plan with her husband that works for them for now. When it stops working, I'm sure they'll sort something else out.