Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 08:55     Subject: Re:How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
I grew up in a family with some dysfunction-- my mom was mentally ill and used alcohol to cope. She suffered (still does) from an anxiety and OCD disorder, and also had a pretty awful childhood in a lot of ways. She was continually stressed and angry, could not set aside her own feeling and emotions for the good of the family.

By the time dinner rolled around she was angry, inebriated, bitter and vocal about it. Dinner was at 6 pm on the dot every night. It was so stressful. She'd be muttering and cleaning the table with her napkin, pissed at her life and us and my dad. My dad would not intervene except once in a while to become enraged and scream and shout (maybe at us, maybe at her). So sitting down to dinner became one of the unhappiest memories for me.

Unless we had company or were at somebody else's house! Then it was what it should have been-- laughing, calm, happy, normal. I have great memories of being at other people's homes for dinners or holidays and really enjoying it.

Fast forward-- we do not have many sit-down dinners. I just cannot stand it. It's like PTSD for me to sit at a dinner table. I've talked to my own family about it many times so they know the reason why. Sometimes I do it anyway, but a lot of times we eat together but just not at the table. We also eat a lot of meals with other people, at the table, and I'm fine in those situations.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 00:15     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Kids are 1 and 3. We have family dinner every night.


How do you keep 1 year old up for dinner? Do you eat really early and both parents are able to do this?

I'm a SAHM with a 1 year old who goes to sleep at 7:30 and is terribly hungry around 6:30-7. DH isn't able to get home most nights until 7:30, just in time to put DS to sleep.

We all eat together maybe 3 nights per week.. and when we do, sometimes DH and I just nibble and eat more later as we're not hungry so early.

This is something important to me so hoping it will iron out as DS gets older and bed time can be pushed back a bit.
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I'm the PP with 4 and 1 yos. DH and I both get home by 5:45. We eat simple meals; usually he cooks. 1yo goes to bed around 7.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 00:07     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Every night. But, my kids are 7 and 10. Might be different when in HS. It's important to us to have dinner together but we wouldn't make a kid miss his soccer practice just to have dinner together. I guess we are not as involved as some families in various activities. Each kid has 2 activities most of the year.


This is us exactly. Having dinner as a family is something I grew up with, even with divorced parents (i.e., mom and I always ate dinner together, and dad & stepmom & I always ate dinner together). Only exceptions were the infrequent party or sleepover at a friend's house. I liked the routine of it, even as a high schooler, and I want my kids to have the same togetherness. There are occasionally nights when an activity gets in the way, but if we can make it work (even if it means dinner earlier or a bit later than "normal"), we do.


Same here. Kids are 7 and 12 and both into sports. Most nights we get home about 7 and eat at 7:30. I was super active in HS too it was just a priority for my folks and to me also.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2014 22:44     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Nightly: 12, 9 and 6
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2014 22:42     Subject: Re:How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
We find that we get along better when we sit down together for dinner. Kids are 3rd and 6th grade.
It's kind of like sitting down for a nice, relaxed dinner on a day at an amusement park. Every day is like an amusement park. It's busy. Dinner time is a good break for everyone.
This year, we tried to make dinner at 6 p.m. a priority so we've scheduled sports and other activities either before or after dinner but not during the 6 p.m. hour.
We eat a lot healthier when we eat together. I put out a bowl of fruit and everyone eats it while we talk. If we were in and out the door, no one would touch the fruit!

Our schedules have been so messed up the last few weeks because of the school snow days. DH or I have been taking turns meeting our work obligations so one of us has been missing dinner at home. Even just a few consecutive nights of that and I feel the general tone of our family relationship change a bit- we haven't been as connected with each other. We're hoping to get back on a normal schedule soon. We all get along better that way.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 21:06     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:

It's funny you used your sister as a reason for needing the balance. My brother died at age 19 when I was 13. He was the person I was closest to in my family and was there for every single thing I did. That mattered more to me than the "how was your day" 30 min conversation at dinner. If you aren't going to make time to connect any other time, the sure, mandate family dinner. If you're going to do things together as a family where you can experience life together, I think that is better. When I think of my brother I don't think of him sitting across from me at dinner. I think of the first time I rode the Ninja at Six Flags with him, or him pushing me on the tire swing.


I wasn't using my sister as a reason to need balance. The desire to balance came from my parents, from the way I was raised, not my sisters death. But I am glad the balance didn't just include cheering her on at a basketball game - it came from sitting down with her and my parents every night and hearing about everyone's day. I just fail to see how running to several activities every night = experiencing life together. I am sorry for your loss
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 20:54     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.


It's possible to have well rounded kids in multiple activities without completely sacraficing families dinners, or family time in general (I think family dinners are emphasized because it is one of the best way to get the WHOLE family together). It is not one or the other. My kids have activities nearly every night and weekend and we manage family dinners. My parents did the same growing up. But they, and I, prioritize balancing one against those other. And I have to be really honest that when my sister died suddenly at 19, I am glad they put an equal priority one both. Life is too short to spend it running around every evening.


It's funny you used your sister as a reason for needing the balance. My brother died at age 19 when I was 13. He was the person I was closest to in my family and was there for every single thing I did. That mattered more to me than the "how was your day" 30 min conversation at dinner. If you aren't going to make time to connect any other time, the sure, mandate family dinner. If you're going to do things together as a family where you can experience life together, I think that is better. When I think of my brother I don't think of him sitting across from me at dinner. I think of the first time I rode the Ninja at Six Flags with him, or him pushing me on the tire swing.


Of course, because you never had dinner together.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:44     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.


It's possible to have well rounded kids in multiple activities without completely sacraficing families dinners, or family time in general (I think family dinners are emphasized because it is one of the best way to get the WHOLE family together). It is not one or the other. My kids have activities nearly every night and weekend and we manage family dinners. My parents did the same growing up. But they, and I, prioritize balancing one against those other. And I have to be really honest that when my sister died suddenly at 19, I am glad they put an equal priority one both. Life is too short to spend it running around every evening.


It's funny you used your sister as a reason for needing the balance. My brother died at age 19 when I was 13. He was the person I was closest to in my family and was there for every single thing I did. That mattered more to me than the "how was your day" 30 min conversation at dinner. If you aren't going to make time to connect any other time, the sure, mandate family dinner. If you're going to do things together as a family where you can experience life together, I think that is better. When I think of my brother I don't think of him sitting across from me at dinner. I think of the first time I rode the Ninja at Six Flags with him, or him pushing me on the tire swing.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:33     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.


It's possible to have well rounded kids in multiple activities without completely sacraficing families dinners, or family time in general (I think family dinners are emphasized because it is one of the best way to get the WHOLE family together). It is not one or the other. My kids have activities nearly every night and weekend and we manage family dinners. My parents did the same growing up. But they, and I, prioritize balancing one against those other. And I have to be really honest that when my sister died suddenly at 19, I am glad they put an equal priority one both. Life is too short to spend it running around every evening.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:31     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.


This is such a sad post in its own way. That the PPs only association with family dinners is where one eats in front of other people. Sharing a meal and eating together - be with it with family or friends can be so much more than that.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:28     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
We used to sit down as a family every single night as a family for dinner when the kids were younger, and would eat out at a restaurant together usually once a week. Now that I have two in HS and one in MS, it's only about 2-3 nights a week. Usually, the youngest and I will eat dinner still around 7 and then when DH, and older sibs get home, we'll sit with them while they eat. But there are lots of days when all five of us are in different directions and DH is eating with one or two out after sports activities (sometimes practice ends later and they're starving before they can get home) and I'm eating at home with one or two. It's what happens when you have sports or clubs or play practice sometimes every night.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:17     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.



"It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction"

Most people agree that sitting down to dinner with the family is a very important part of family life. Glad it worked out for you to skip it but your take on it seems extreme.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 19:11     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. Don't your kids play sports/dance/music lessons? When I was a kid we had dinner together on Monday night only from age 7 on. I had dance, gymnastics, piano, and archery lessons every other night.

Kids are 9&12, we have dinner together maybe once a week or once every other week.


"Crazy"? Really? That sounds sad Pp.
We prioritize family dinners over any activity. It is the only time of the day we get to connect. You are choosing to model that self improvement is more important than your relationships with each other. Your children may have more accomplishments when they're grown, but will they value the people in their lives?


It's not sad to have an active and independent lifestyle. It's sad that you think the only way your children will value you is if you require them to eat in front of you every night instead of participating in things that make them feel fulfilled. My family was and is very supportive of all my endeavors, attended every show, competition, meet, recital, etc that I had. I attend my siblings things as well. I appreciate the sacrifices my parent made to support our lifestyle. I was given the opportunity to be independent and create my own life. My best friends today are the ones I grew up spending every night with, that watched me struggle, and celebrated my successes. As an adult, I am resilient and driven. I wouldn't be that way if my parents had told me I couldn't participate in something because I would miss dinner. It is sad that you are limiting your child's opportunities for your own satisfaction.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 16:21     Subject: How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
Basically every night unless the kids are at sleepovers. Kids are 8 and 13. We both work FT but have good commutes and the kids' activities (something every night) usually don't start until 6:45 at the earliest.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 15:28     Subject: Re:How old are you kids and how often do you eat dinner at home as a family?
DC is 4 and we try to eat as a family anywhere from 2-4x/wk. DH often works late so I sit with DC and maybe eat a small salad so that it feels as if we're eating as a family. Othertimes she'll sit on the barstool at the counter to eat her dinner while I do dishes or make lunches for the next day. Occasionally I eat with her and leave DH's dinner on the stove, but since he's working so hard and such long hours I feel as if he doesn't deserve to feel as if he gets shafted by his family so I usually wait and eat with him.

We usually eat as a family Sat and Sun, and then at least two times during the week.