Anonymous wrote:Just what do these Queen Bees do that makes everyone so terrified of them? There are some nasty women in our school but I don't know anyone who is tip toeing around them like so many folks on this thread seem to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why people always side with the QB.

Fear that they will be next on the QB's list....

Anonymous wrote:

Consider it a blessing. Now you are free from caring what she does because it doesn't matter what you do. Always act as if your child were watching you from a potted plant in the corner -- always act toward QBM in a way you wish your child would emulate. Know that most moms don't give a flying YOUKNOWWHAT about QBM and her antics. Just seek them out. It is harder to find them because they don't gossip about each other or other people's children.

This. My oldest is now in 6th grade. When he was in K, I dutifully joined the PTA and started to attend meetings only to discover the Queen Bees and the cliques. The PTA was, to me, surprisingly unwelcoming and in those early years minority parents never attended the school - which is surprising since it's a majority-minority school. I didn't do as much with the PTA as I could have but I didn't completely pull back because, corny as it may sound, I believe in it. Any time a new person showed up, I welcomed them warmly. A few moms similar to me had historically done a few event and I joined them. Those events went really well and drew more volunteers. The events run by the QBs were less successful and required the QBs to work harder because no one liked working with them. Now, 6 years later, there's been significant change and I like to think I'm part of it.

Although the QBs really pissed me off, I approached it like the above poster suggested. It wasn't that hard for me, I think, because I grew up with a lot of trauma in my childhood and I learned at an early age how to handle this kind of behavior - there wasn't anything these QBs could do that was worse than what I experienced at home. Although there are better ways to learn the lessons I did, I'm tough, resilient, confident and know there's far more to life than what the QBs think there is. I can already see my kids learning through the behavior I'm modeling.

I can't stand those QBs but they really don't matter to me and what I'm trying to do. If my kids get frozen out because of it, it's a life lesson for my kids. I work to show them how they can mitigate the effects of the QB kids. Unfortunately, this behavior does end in ES. They'll be encountering QBs their entire life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
QBs do not have enough sense to realize that they and their lack of personalities are their own downfall. The administration and teachers see it, OP. They have been at it longer than any of us. Don't worry about bringing the QBs down, they do a fine job themselves.

This is simply not true. All the posters who claim you can somehow rise above their behavior are either kidding themselves or have never experienced this type of social dynamic. It can be brutal. Teachers and administration are on the QB's side in these kinds of schools too.

I'm 10:42. I'm not kidding myself and I have experienced this dynamic. It's unfortunate there can be unpleasantness or discomfort but I wouldn't call it brutal. Brutal is seeing your father rage and beat the shit out of your mother. Brutal is the discussion you have with the trauma surgeon who will operate on your DD. Brutal is walling off your emotions so you can remain calm while comforting your SN/LD child who feels suddenly realizes he's not like everyone else. What these QBs do at school doesn't even come close to being brutal. If you feel that it is, you have no perspective and probably lack confidence.

I also wonder what teachers/administrators do to show they're on the 'QB's side'. What 'side' is there? Are they not teaching your kid? Are they targeting your child? If so, you have recourse. I highly doubt QBs have so much influence that your DC would be subjected because of it. If so, please start a new thread (referencing it here) and I'd be happy to help you address those issues. As the parent of an SN child, I have a lot of experience working with teachers/administrators that could be doing a better job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
QBs do not have enough sense to realize that they and their lack of personalities are their own downfall. The administration and teachers see it, OP. They have been at it longer than any of us. Don't worry about bringing the QBs down, they do a fine job themselves.

This is simply not true. All the posters who claim you can somehow rise above their behavior are either kidding themselves or have never experienced this type of social dynamic. It can be brutal. Teachers and administration are on the QB's side in these kinds of schools too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
QBs do not have enough sense to realize that they and their lack of personalities are their own downfall. The administration and teachers see it, OP. They have been at it longer than any of us. Don't worry about bringing the QBs down, they do a fine job themselves.

This is simply not true. All the posters who claim you can somehow rise above their behavior are either kidding themselves or have never experienced this type of social dynamic. It can be brutal. Teachers and administration are on the QB's side in these kinds of schools too.

Anonymous wrote:
QBs do not have enough sense to realize that they and their lack of personalities are their own downfall. The administration and teachers see it, OP. They have been at it longer than any of us. Don't worry about bringing the QBs down, they do a fine job themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Consider it a blessing. Now you are free from caring what she does because it doesn't matter what you do. Always act as if your child were watching you from a potted plant in the corner -- always act toward QBM in a way you wish your child would emulate. Know that most moms don't give a flying YOUKNOWWHAT about QBM and her antics. Just seek them out. It is harder to find them because they don't gossip about each other or other people's children.

This. My oldest is now in 6th grade. When he was in K, I dutifully joined the PTA and started to attend meetings only to discover the Queen Bees and the cliques. The PTA was, to me, surprisingly unwelcoming and in those early years minority parents never attended the school - which is surprising since it's a majority-minority school. I didn't do as much with the PTA as I could have but I didn't completely pull back because, corny as it may sound, I believe in it. Any time a new person showed up, I welcomed them warmly. A few moms similar to me had historically done a few event and I joined them. Those events went really well and drew more volunteers. The events run by the QBs were less successful and required the QBs to work harder because no one liked working with them. Now, 6 years later, there's been significant change and I like to think I'm part of it.

Although the QBs really pissed me off, I approached it like the above poster suggested. It wasn't that hard for me, I think, because I grew up with a lot of trauma in my childhood and I learned at an early age how to handle this kind of behavior - there wasn't anything these QBs could do that was worse than what I experienced at home. Although there are better ways to learn the lessons I did, I'm tough, resilient, confident and know there's far more to life than what the QBs think there is. I can already see my kids learning through the behavior I'm modeling.

I can't stand those QBs but they really don't matter to me and what I'm trying to do. If my kids get frozen out because of it, it's a life lesson for my kids. I work to show them how they can mitigate the effects of the QB kids. Unfortunately, this behavior does end in ES. They'll be encountering QBs their entire life.

Consider it a blessing. Now you are free from caring what she does because it doesn't matter what you do. Always act as if your child were watching you from a potted plant in the corner -- always act toward QBM in a way you wish your child would emulate. Know that most moms don't give a flying YOUKNOWWHAT about QBM and her antics. Just seek them out. It is harder to find them because they don't gossip about each other or other people's children.

It is truly junior high behavior, but if you're the target, it doesn't matter if you try to approach it in a mature fashion.