Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 13:42     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: I'm thinking about talking to SIL first. Maybe she's really uncomfortable or maybe our rowdy family of jocks made her uneasy, I don't know. She's been here for several years now and you'd think she'd at least be somewhat at ease...


She could be insecure and perhaps have social anxiety when in new situations. People like that tend to be on a high horse - to show strangers they are superior and cover up their insecurities. Just feel sorry for people like her - immigrants who choose to life in this country (bad education system, un-cultured people etc...)

If everything is so bad here, why are millions and millions of people trying to move here? I don't know of any other country that many in the world want to move to. Unlike China, Russia, India, Brazil, Americans want to STAY in their country! The U.S. must not be that bad after all.

I had a friend from England who complained about the schools in our community, how our social programs didn't take care of the poor enough, U.S. foreign policy....When I got to the point where I no longer cared if she was my friend, I just point blank asked her, "Why don't you go back to England?" She had no answer and our friendship ended right there.


Maybe she did have an answer (most people do, after all) but it was too complicated or she wasn't interested in sharing it with you. In any case, it is usually not easy to move back. There are people here complaining about DC all the time, but they can't leave because of family, kids' schools, jobs etc, etc.

Also, you don't really understand how ignorant people who move to the US are of the US when they move to the US. They have a certain mental image, but the reality is quite different. By the time they learn the reality, it's difficult to go back. I came to the US in my early twenties and had no clue or interest in things like maternity leave, childcare costs, school quality etc etc. All I wanted was to study at the best university possible and I assumed the rest would fall in the place easily. I thought living here was better because that was would some people were saying (my parents who were totally clueless and have never even been to the US), but I learned that things nowhere as simple as I once thought.

The point is, you think people live in crappy countries, move to the US because it is so much better, and then bitterly complain for no reason because they really would never go back. The reality is often much more compliated. The original countires are often not that bad (or not any more as bad as they used to be), immigrants have various illusions about the US, by the time they realize what the US is like it is difficult or too late to go back, though many would in fact prefer to go back.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 13:32     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: I'm thinking about talking to SIL first. Maybe she's really uncomfortable or maybe our rowdy family of jocks made her uneasy, I don't know. She's been here for several years now and you'd think she'd at least be somewhat at ease...


She could be insecure and perhaps have social anxiety when in new situations. People like that tend to be on a high horse - to show strangers they are superior and cover up their insecurities. Just feel sorry for people like her - immigrants who choose to life in this country (bad education system, un-cultured people etc...)

If everything is so bad here, why are millions and millions of people trying to move here? I don't know of any other country that many in the world want to move to. Unlike China, Russia, India, Brazil, Americans want to STAY in their country! The U.S. must not be that bad after all.

I had a friend from England who complained about the schools in our community, how our social programs didn't take care of the poor enough, U.S. foreign policy....When I got to the point where I no longer cared if she was my friend, I just point blank asked her, "Why don't you go back to England?" She had no answer and our friendship ended right there.


this is changing rapidly. i went go phd school witih several chinese students. all of them went back to china. it used to be the case that grad school would be a stepping stone to staying in the us, and while this is surely still the case, it's nowhere as common as it used to be.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 11:58     Subject: Re:Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friend is married to a Greek, and I was appalled to hear their opinions about the US, the Americans, school system, etc. yet, no one is going back to Greece.
It's just a normal part of immigrant behavior. Americans living in other countries are also guilty of it.


This. And some Americans also self segregate in expat communities abroad too. What's the point in going over to a foreign country if you only want to be amongst Americans and live like you still live in America?


As an expat living abroad, I have to agree with this.


I disagree with you. I was an expat for 6 years in the Netherlands. Despite the # of Americans living in Amsterdam, most of our friends from that time are Dutch.


Wow, you are so cool! Do you speak Netherese?


it may as a shock to you, but most people in the Netherland speak very good English


In fact, lots of Europeans speak several languages as compared to Americans who can barely master "dos cervezas, por favor."
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 11:21     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: I'm thinking about talking to SIL first. Maybe she's really uncomfortable or maybe our rowdy family of jocks made her uneasy, I don't know. She's been here for several years now and you'd think she'd at least be somewhat at ease...


She could be insecure and perhaps have social anxiety when in new situations. People like that tend to be on a high horse - to show strangers they are superior and cover up their insecurities. Just feel sorry for people like her - immigrants who choose to life in this country (bad education system, un-cultured people etc...)

If everything is so bad here, why are millions and millions of people trying to move here? I don't know of any other country that many in the world want to move to. Unlike China, Russia, India, Brazil, Americans want to STAY in their country! The U.S. must not be that bad after all.

I had a friend from England who complained about the schools in our community, how our social programs didn't take care of the poor enough, U.S. foreign policy....When I got to the point where I no longer cared if she was my friend, I just point blank asked her, "Why don't you go back to England?" She had no answer and our friendship ended right there.


Well, maybe your former friend felt American enough to criticize her new country and you made sure she knew she's a foreigner and does not belong here. My brother was born and grew up here, does not have an accent bus has a very ethnic name. Because of people like you I keep reminding him not to get involved into discussions off social/political issues or he'll be asked to go back to "his country".
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 11:17     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
I, for one, understand where the OP is coming from. Her brother has married a foreigner who after many years living here hasn't made a lot of friends and is largely unhappy. Yet, she doesn't divorce him. We had the same situation in my family. BIL brought a wife from another country who was all nicey-nice but the moment she got her green card, she was a whole new person. The list of demands grew and grew, she brought her entire family here who to this day doesn't work, she was constantly bitching about the U.S. When BIL divorced her, she tried to get alimony, saying she didn't have the skills to work. He paid for her entire college education while they were married, she got a nursing degree and SHE DIDN'T HAVE SKILLS? Luckily, his lawyers were really good and managed to cut her off. Thank God there were no children in that marriage.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 09:59     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:She might be disappointed in America to say the least.Many foreigners like myself had the image of "milk rivers and porridge mountains" of America.In no time I would find out that that's not the case.
When I arrived as an Au Pair, the family showed me their microwave and explained what it was.WTH! Locals and foreigners have certain misunderstandings of each other.I didn't have a heart to tell them that we have microwaves in my country.I just stood there saying how cool of an appliance it was.Anyhow, I think she is finally able to talk to her own countrymen about all the things she doesn't understand and had built up while living here. It never crossed her mind that somebody from her own country didn't share the sentiment.
Why doesn't she leave?
Why don't all those people who are is sad relationships/marriages leave or get divorced? She probably would if it were so easy, and she might once the kid is grown.
Her rant was distasteful, but at least honest.
Apologize to your guest but I wouldn't talk to her.Those are her feeling and it's hard to help her with the language barrier.
Maybe one day you can explain her why America or Americans are the way they are.I'm still wondering why wasting paper and water for example are ok here in America.


Why didn't you just tell your employers what you wrote here? "We have microwaves in my country." End of misconception. Why the pretense over something so easily cleared up, when you're recommending to OP to "one day" explain to the woman whose vitriolic comments unsettled someone else "why America or Americans are the way they are"?
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 09:07     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:If your tuition is only $150 per year which realistically pays for just about nothing, who is keeping the best European universities afloat? Is it taxes, endowment?


taxes obviously, which are significantly higher than in the US (and tuition was $150 when I was there 20 years ago, now they are over 1000 euros).
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 08:59     Subject: Re:Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friend is married to a Greek, and I was appalled to hear their opinions about the US, the Americans, school system, etc. yet, no one is going back to Greece.
It's just a normal part of immigrant behavior. Americans living in other countries are also guilty of it.


This. And some Americans also self segregate in expat communities abroad too. What's the point in going over to a foreign country if you only want to be amongst Americans and live like you still live in America?


As an expat living abroad, I have to agree with this.


I disagree with you. I was an expat for 6 years in the Netherlands. Despite the # of Americans living in Amsterdam, most of our friends from that time are Dutch.


Wow, you are so cool! Do you speak Netherese?


it may as a shock to you, but most people in the Netherland speak very good English
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 08:44     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
She might be disappointed in America to say the least.Many foreigners like myself had the image of "milk rivers and porridge mountains" of America.In no time I would find out that that's not the case.
When I arrived as an Au Pair, the family showed me their microwave and explained what it was.WTH! Locals and foreigners have certain misunderstandings of each other.I didn't have a heart to tell them that we have microwaves in my country.I just stood there saying how cool of an appliance it was.Anyhow, I think she is finally able to talk to her own countrymen about all the things she doesn't understand and had built up while living here. It never crossed her mind that somebody from her own country didn't share the sentiment.
Why doesn't she leave?
Why don't all those people who are is sad relationships/marriages leave or get divorced? She probably would if it were so easy, and she might once the kid is grown.
Her rant was distasteful, but at least honest.
Apologize to your guest but I wouldn't talk to her.Those are her feeling and it's hard to help her with the language barrier.
Maybe one day you can explain her why America or Americans are the way they are.I'm still wondering why wasting paper and water for example are ok here in America.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 08:25     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:"Go back to your shitty foreign country then".

She said this country is shitty...
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 06:54     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:OP: I'm thinking about talking to SIL first. Maybe she's really uncomfortable or maybe our rowdy family of jocks made her uneasy, I don't know. She's been here for several years now and you'd think she'd at least be somewhat at ease...


She could be insecure and perhaps have social anxiety when in new situations. People like that tend to be on a high horse - to show strangers they are superior and cover up their insecurities. Just feel sorry for people like her - immigrants who choose to life in this country (bad education system, un-cultured people etc...)

If everything is so bad here, why are millions and millions of people trying to move here? I don't know of any other country that many in the world want to move to. Unlike China, Russia, India, Brazil, Americans want to STAY in their country! The U.S. must not be that bad after all.

I had a friend from England who complained about the schools in our community, how our social programs didn't take care of the poor enough, U.S. foreign policy....When I got to the point where I no longer cared if she was my friend, I just point blank asked her, "Why don't you go back to England?" She had no answer and our friendship ended right there.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 06:40     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
My SIL expresses complete contempt for America and Americans. She also uses and manipulates her husband and as many people as she can. The complaints and the manipulations come from the same place.

OP, you're right to be concerned, since this is your brother's wife. Can, or should, you do anything about it, such as talking to SIL or your brother? Usually not a good idea. Adjust your interactions with SIL, but better not say anything.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 01:24     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:Please, if you don't like our country, LEAVE!!!!!!


I used to work in Kiev in the `1990's.
The wives of the US expats would complain about everything and anything, from the bad supermarkets to dogs barking in the streets at nights, to the crowded buses and metro trains. One lady told me that the metro trains in DC were just awesome. After I moved here, I could not believe how much more crowded they were.
And these were ladies who had maids, cooks and drivers.
Even though the doctors were pretty good, the US expats would be flown to Finland or Sweden for a routine dental exam. As for a simple surgery, they would be flown to England. They had no problem telling the locals how inferior their medical facilities were ...

Americans also criticize other cultures, even if they're living like royalty ...
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 01:12     Subject: Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:Many foreigners are jealous and resentful because they realize their countries and peoples are dirty, smelly, and So And what countries are these?
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 00:33     Subject: Re:Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friend is married to a Greek, and I was appalled to hear their opinions about the US, the Americans, school system, etc. yet, no one is going back to Greece.
It's just a normal part of immigrant behavior. Americans living in other countries are also guilty of it.


This. And some Americans also self segregate in expat communities abroad too. What's the point in going over to a foreign country if you only want to be amongst Americans and live like you still live in America?


+1000

Americans live in other countries and complain about all sorts of things with regards to their host country. That doesn't mean they don't like parts of the country, but other things they do dislike. How is this different from immigrants here?

We talk criticize parts of our own country here too. We talk about the education system, the politics, the postal service, the feds, etc. Should we just move out too if we don't particularly like the way some things are governed here.

Your honestly being way to touchy about this.

Don't forget one of the best things about this country- Freedom of Speech.


Well duh. It's like family -- I can say negative stuff about mine but if someone else does, it's not the same.