Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might be surprised by what she ends up capable of doing. I have an adopted brother who sounds similar: low average intelligence, plus some LDs. He struggled at a state college but made it through and now is doing incredibly well in a job where his empathy and people skills really matter. Some similar issues for him, in that everyone else in the family is a super-high-achiever, ivy league schools and tall that. But he is happy and making a very decent income for someone his age. Not everyone is going to be a rocket scientist, but i wouldn't asume your DD won't similarly be able to find a niche in which she is happy and self-supporting and contributing to th world...

Okay here we go, this is what I am looking for!! SO can you tell me, do you know how your adopted brother navigated his options when he was about to graduate high school? How did he decide between college/no college/community college/working, taking a year off, etc...did he use school guidance counselors, or talk to people at colleges, or what?
This is my point, I just don't know where to go to look. I come from a long line of educator parents (teachers and professors) and siblings who just knew the path that was required from the age of about 5!!! It wasn't a question, it was a given.

OP, this is the PP who wrote about my younger brother. He does tend to rely heavily on family for advice and moral support-- i don't know how open your DD is to your advice, but my brother has always been pretty open to taking advice from his family. My parents really pushed him to go to college and get a four year degree. In some ways I've often thought they pushed him too hard academically, but-- he made it, with a lot of assistance from them and from his college's learning support center. He made extensive use of their tutoring services, counseling, etc. The toughest thing for him were the math and language requirements-- he ended up withdrawing from those classes a few times because he was failing, and he finished college in five years as a result. But he kept at it. He is now in a public sector social services job-- he works with at-risk kids. He struggled a bit initially with all the paperwork requirements, whuch are very heavy, but he really loves working with kids and I think he has a lot of insight and empathy, as well as a huge commitment to helping.

I have actually also often thought he might be a good fit for some military jobs-- not as an officer, perhaps, becuase there too you need to be very on top of details to succeed-- but in some specialized enlisted roles, eg, Navy or some such: needless to say, the military has chefs, photographers, mechanics, medical assistants, you name it in addition to people in combat fields, He likes and needs structure, likes and needs feeling like he is part of a team, etc. He just wasn't interested in going in that direction, though.

I sometimes think my parents should have let him make his own mistakes more. I watched from a distance and sometimes felt they just did not give him enough credit: they were so convinced he would fail if they did not tightly control and support him that they would never let him go out on any limbs. Sometimes I felt that they should just give him more space to do things his way. Maybe he would have failed, but so what? He would learn form his mistakes. And maybe he would have surprised them by succeeding.

With your DD, does she have thoughts of her own about what she wants and likes? It may be that you just need to ease up: let her guide you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes people with C's go to college. They go on to be just as successful as A students.

Can you talk to the neuropsychologist that did her testing and look at her subs and to do some career analysis.

I agree you need help, you may want to call asdec.org to see if hey can refer you to somebody.


http://www.asdec.org/Default.aspx?pageId=1597680

Have you done any therapy you sound like you have caretakers fatigue.

yeah, I know...you can tell I am at the end of my rope, huh? I am. I am tired, tired tired. Physically and moreso emotionally. Im trying to focus more on taking care of myself, but I admit I suck at it.

I know C students go to college, but I wonder about C students like my daughter who really truly are disinterested in academics. Do they go to college too?

thanks for the link I will check it out.

Anonymous wrote:We are in the same situation. Have you tried meditation? There are some apps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she being treated for her ADHD?

My DD has inattentive ADHD and it really hampers her ability to demonstrate what she can do intellectually and academically. ADHD also brings with it difficulties relating to everyday, non-academic life, as I'm sure you know.

I would focus on getting her all the supports and lifeskills you can related to ADHD. Agreed that there are lots of fulfilling careers that take advantage of her social/emotional intelligence, but managing the ADHD is key.

She only has 2 ADHD drugs she can take due to her illness (the others have interaction issues with one of the other 9 meds she is on for her illness). We spent 2 years juggling those 2 meds, and they didn't work. We suspect other meds would work, but her nephrologist and rheumatologist teams say that she can't take them. I wish she could.
But yes, her ADHD is a huge struggle and we are trying other non-medicinal ways to treat it. We've altered her diet, added some supplements her psychologist suggested, added a gym membership where she works out consistently, etc. its just really hard without meds, although we continue to try.

Mine is inattentive as well. It's such a bear. Some days she makes me crack up, and some days I swear I am tearing my hair out

Anonymous wrote:Yes people with C's go to college. They go on to be just as successful as A students.

Can you talk to the neuropsychologist that did her testing and look at her subs and to do some career analysis.

I agree you need help, you may want to call asdec.org to see if hey can refer you to somebody.


http://www.asdec.org/Default.aspx?pageId=1597680

Have you done any therapy you sound like you have caretakers fatigue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she being treated for her ADHD?

My DD has inattentive ADHD and it really hampers her ability to demonstrate what she can do intellectually and academically. ADHD also brings with it difficulties relating to everyday, non-academic life, as I'm sure you know.

I would focus on getting her all the supports and lifeskills you can related to ADHD. Agreed that there are lots of fulfilling careers that take advantage of her social/emotional intelligence, but managing the ADHD is key.

She only has 2 ADHD drugs she can take due to her illness (the others have interaction issues with one of the other 9 meds she is on for her illness). We spent 2 years juggling those 2 meds, and they didn't work. We suspect other meds would work, but her nephrologist and rheumatologist teams say that she can't take them. I wish she could.
But yes, her ADHD is a huge struggle and we are trying other non-medicinal ways to treat it. We've altered her diet, added some supplements her psychologist suggested, added a gym membership where she works out consistently, etc. its just really hard without meds, although we continue to try.

Mine is inattentive as well. It's such a bear. Some days she makes me crack up, and some days I swear I am tearing my hair out

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might be surprised by what she ends up capable of doing. I have an adopted brother who sounds similar: low average intelligence, plus some LDs. He struggled at a state college but made it through and now is doing incredibly well in a job where his empathy and people skills really matter. Some similar issues for him, in that everyone else in the family is a super-high-achiever, ivy league schools and tall that. But he is happy and making a very decent income for someone his age. Not everyone is going to be a rocket scientist, but i wouldn't asume your DD won't similarly be able to find a niche in which she is happy and self-supporting and contributing to th world...

Okay here we go, this is what I am looking for!! SO can you tell me, do you know how your adopted brother navigated his options when he was about to graduate high school? How did he decide between college/no college/community college/working, taking a year off, etc...did he use school guidance counselors, or talk to people at colleges, or what?
This is my point, I just don't know where to go to look. I come from a long line of educator parents (teachers and professors) and siblings who just knew the path that was required from the age of about 5!!! It wasn't a question, it was a given.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

She works for one of the major airlines, is unionized, with excellent benefits.

She also is opening up a store selling gourmet ice cream (not in this area) which her daughter will help run although her ultimate ambition is to become a riding coach (horses).

OP, there are lots of options. Good people skills are a gift!

Right. Marry the right guy; divorce and get 12K a month, she should be able to do o.k.

OP. The sad thing is, other people in my extended family have alluded to as much. "She'll land a doctor and be fine". It sickens me.

Anonymous wrote:Is she being treated for her ADHD?

My DD has inattentive ADHD and it really hampers her ability to demonstrate what she can do intellectually and academically. ADHD also brings with it difficulties relating to everyday, non-academic life, as I'm sure you know.

I would focus on getting her all the supports and lifeskills you can related to ADHD. Agreed that there are lots of fulfilling careers that take advantage of her social/emotional intelligence, but managing the ADHD is key.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

She works for one of the major airlines, is unionized, with excellent benefits.

She also is opening up a store selling gourmet ice cream (not in this area) which her daughter will help run although her ultimate ambition is to become a riding coach (horses).

OP, there are lots of options. Good people skills are a gift!

Right. Marry the right guy; divorce and get 12K a month, she should be able to do o.k.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the most important thing, IMO, is that you don't seem to be pushing your daughter to be someone she's not. As a teacher, I can't tell you the number of students I've had whose very high-achieving parents wouldn't/couldn't accept their child might be average. In fact, I had a father say that to me..."So, you're telling me my son is average," with a look of utter disdain on his face, after I told him that his son struggled to write a complete paragraph, but was social and well-liked by his peers.

On the worrisome side, you seem to be cutting off options for your DD by either assuming she can't do the job (corporate world) or the job doesn't pay enough to meet your standards. 50K is not going to keep her in high fashion and a penthouse, but plenty of people do just fine on 50k. It's not living in poverty.

Why not send her to college, see how it goes, and let her figure it out (with a little bit of guidance from you). Is there a subject she enjoys more than others, even art or music? Maybe she'll discover her passion while in college by taking new classes on topics she hasn't even considered at this point. For example, if she enjoys art she could become a graphic designer, which would be in a corporate setting but draws on a different skills et than, say, lawyer. She still needs to learn to organize/manage her work, but those are skills you can help her develop now, and should be developing in preparation for college. As an aside, have you considered two years at the local community college, followed by two years away? Or a PG year? I do believe though that there is a college for everyone and PPs had lots of good suggestions for places to look. Also recommend Manhattanville, Pace University, Quinnipiac, and Marist.

As for your request for stories, my two cousins have ADHD. One had a ton of support in high school, went away to college, and is now successfully employed in the hospitality industry. The other also suffered from social anxiety and his parents pushed him to go away for college bc that's what is "done" in our family. It was an unmitigated disaster, he only lasted one semester, bounced around for awhile and ended up in college part time while living at home and working. Took him six years to graduate but now a successful salesman at a BMW dealership (he loves cars, while in college saved all his money for a trip to the BMW factory in Germany). Last, my other cousin, a female, is in the pretty but not so smart category. She does really well in communications for a Wall Street company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

She works for one of the major airlines, is unionized, with excellent benefits.

She also is opening up a store selling gourmet ice cream (not in this area) which her daughter will help run although her ultimate ambition is to become a riding coach (horses).

OP, there are lots of options. Good people skills are a gift!