Wife here who unfortunately often says no. Reason? I am often tired and since he gained weight I have hard time getting into it. I have suggested/offered support to do something about the weight. He says he will when HE is READY. So men on this board who often get rejected, would you do something about weight if that was adding to the frequency of the rejections?

Anonymous wrote:So, are wives expected to have sex no matter what then? Whenever their husband wants it?

With in reason, yes. I just had a newborn and can assure you I have no interest in anything sexual right now (cannot have sex yet because still healing from baby). My husband is a wonderful man, so when he was clearly aroused last night, I lovingly kissed him and, um, helped him take care of things. Women: sometimes you do these things to be kind and loving and compassionate towards the needs of the wonderful man you married. Whether you are "into it" or "turned on" is sometimes beside the point. Presumably, I'm going to want to have sex again, but in the mean time I'm certainly not going to ignore my husbands needs! He, in turn, is kind about responding to my needs. Isn't a great partnership about sometimes doing something you don't feel like simply because you care about the other person's well being?

Also, if you are married to a successful, reasonably attractive man, I think you are deluding yourself if you think he will endure sexlessness/rejection for the long haul without looking elsewhere/straying. Sex and affection are basic human needs ...

Anonymous wrote:So, are wives expected to have sex no matter what then? Whenever their husband wants it?

Woosh...right over your head. Try and have a complex thought, maybe experiment with critical thinking.

Anonymous wrote:I do, for sure. Outcome depends a lot on how the rejection was done. A rebuff like "stop pawing at me!" becomes pretty hurtful.

Becomes? Dude, if you're pawing at her multiple times and she's always asking you to stop, STOP. It's not working! Good grief...

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Anonymous wrote:I do, for sure. Outcome depends a lot on how the rejection was done. A rebuff like "stop pawing at me!" becomes pretty hurtful.

That does sound hurtful. It also sounds, however, like you need a new approach. Not saying this is you, but I get annoyed when my husband does something silly to try to put the moves on me instead of trying to be a little more romantic/sexy. I mean, I have 2 young kids who paw at me all day. Coming up and breathing heavily in my ear and saying something stupid like "wanna doooo it???" isn't going to work.

Neither does acting like a hormone crazed teenaged octopus.

Anonymous wrote:I do, for sure. Outcome depends a lot on how the rejection was done. A rebuff like "stop pawing at me!" becomes pretty hurtful.

That does sound hurtful. It also sounds, however, like you need a new approach. Not saying this is you, but I get annoyed when my husband does something silly to try to put the moves on me instead of trying to be a little more romantic/sexy. I mean, I have 2 young kids who paw at me all day. Coming up and breathing heavily in my ear and saying something stupid like "wanna doooo it???" isn't going to work.

So, are wives expected to have sex no matter what then? Whenever their husband wants it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how deeply rejected men feel when their wives turn them down for sex until I began reading this forum. Whenever my dh asked for sex and I said no, I never thought of it as that big of a deal. Oh well, we'll do it next time. Then I read this post here from a guy who described in detail how sad it made him, how it just shot down his whole self-esteem, especially when it happened over and over again. I think it leads to some guys cheating.

Do other men feel this way? Is it bigger for you emotionally than your wife realizes?

DH here: if our sex life is otherwise healthy, rejection is a non-issue; I'd actually prefer her to tell me when she is not up for it to avoid a bad experience for both of us. When it is not healthy, though, rejection is a major issue and suggests there are serious problems with the relationship. It's not just rejection, though. Disengaged sex where she is clearly only doing it out of a sense of obligation is in some ways worse than being straight-up turned down.

Please clarify. You let her tell you when she is not up for it? How on earth does that work without it being a rejection? So, ergo, how is rejection a non-issue when you rely on her rejecting you about sex?

So then, you are like the rest of us rejected husbands, including yours truly.

Anonymous wrote:Once when I was a little guy, there were a bunch of big kids down the block hanging out and I got my mom to say I could go join them. I ran out there just in time for them to pick teams for some street football. Nobody picked me, and when I made a move to go to the team that would have picked next, everyone yelled at me that I was too little, to go home. Two cute girls were sitting on their lawn watching and saw everything. I ran home in tears and went to cry to my mother who was unusually unsympathetic. As I left the kitchen to go cry to myself under my bed, my older brother pinned me down and pummeled me.

That's how I feel when my wife rejects my advances. totally humiliated, and no matter how great of a day I may have had in every other facet of my life, it promptly totally wrecks the day.

Damn. Mark Twain here. Kudos to you. You actually nailed it man. Its not like youre being rejected from a hot chick at a bar that you bought a beer for. ITS YOUR WIFE. Damn. Stop the meaningless rejections.

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how deeply rejected men feel when their wives turn them down for sex until I began reading this forum. Whenever my dh asked for sex and I said no, I never thought of it as that big of a deal. Oh well, we'll do it next time. Then I read this post here from a guy who described in detail how sad it made him, how it just shot down his whole self-esteem, especially when it happened over and over again. I think it leads to some guys cheating.

Do other men feel this way? Is it bigger for you emotionally than your wife realizes?

Yes. It is a big downer. Its all fun and games when you are single, out in a bar or whatever. But then you find a woman you really love. Then, for no real reason, you get turned down.

Believe me, it hurts. I'm going through the same thing right now, but things are getting better. Wives, listen up. Your husbands love you, so make love with them.

and yes, I can see how it makes them cheat, but not for the pure experience of orgasm, but the need to feel wanted, desired, and for affection. My wife at least french kisses me deeply every day. Believe it or not it makes a huge difference.

I also get annoyed knowing that guys like PP's husband get more sexual attention than I do. Sounds like he's getting regular BJs even though he ignores her pleasure entirely.

Meanwhile, I'm lucky to get twice a month and I *love* going down on my wife, am game for whatever she wants, and try to get her to tell me what gets her excited.

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Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

Actually, I think about sex a lot, and take care of myself many times a week. Sometimes daily. But when sex becomes routine and expected, it's a turn off. And when you're partner is being an unhelpful jerk who doesn't contribute to the marriage in (whatever) ways, it's a turn off. Real life is a turn off. Hungrily jumping a guy who I've missed, and who has been missing me all week, is a turn on.

So you'd rather masturbate than have a full relationship with a real live man? Your x did a number on you.

Not PP, but I'd much rather masturbate than have sex with my husband. He's awfully needy and sex with him is all about his needs. Not reciprocal at all.

Then tell him what you need. Don't fake orgasms just because you feel that he needs to feel good. He could not have missed that you are not coming unless you have been faking it. Good sex can be learned and taught by telling the other person what feels good. You do not need experience, you need communication.

I don't fake. He is aware. He doesn't care. Doesn't matter one bit to him as long as he gets his.

I try to keep him to maintenance blow jobs as much as possible. No point in having him pump away with no return for me.

Joke might be on you. I think a lot of guys would happily take the knobber over intercourse. Especially with a sensual, erotic partner like you.

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Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

Actually, I think about sex a lot, and take care of myself many times a week. Sometimes daily. But when sex becomes routine and expected, it's a turn off. And when you're partner is being an unhelpful jerk who doesn't contribute to the marriage in (whatever) ways, it's a turn off. Real life is a turn off. Hungrily jumping a guy who I've missed, and who has been missing me all week, is a turn on.

So you'd rather masturbate than have a full relationship with a real live man? Your x did a number on you.

Not PP, but I'd much rather masturbate than have sex with my husband. He's awfully needy and sex with him is all about his needs. Not reciprocal at all.

Then tell him what you need. Don't fake orgasms just because you feel that he needs to feel good. He could not have missed that you are not coming unless you have been faking it. Good sex can be learned and taught by telling the other person what feels good. You do not need experience, you need communication.

I don't fake. He is aware. He doesn't care. Doesn't matter one bit to him as long as he gets his.

I try to keep him to maintenance blow jobs as much as possible. No point in having him pump away with no return for me.

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Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

Actually, I think about sex a lot, and take care of myself many times a week. Sometimes daily. But when sex becomes routine and expected, it's a turn off. And when you're partner is being an unhelpful jerk who doesn't contribute to the marriage in (whatever) ways, it's a turn off. Real life is a turn off. Hungrily jumping a guy who I've missed, and who has been missing me all week, is a turn on.

So you'd rather masturbate than have a full relationship with a real live man? Your x did a number on you.

Not PP, but I'd much rather masturbate than have sex with my husband. He's awfully needy and sex with him is all about his needs. Not reciprocal at all.

Then tell him what you need. Don't fake orgasms just because you feel that he needs to feel good. He could not have missed that you are not coming unless you have been faking it. Good sex can be learned and taught by telling the other person what feels good. You do not need experience, you need communication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But sex is not just pleasurable for the man (we hope). Women get something (an orgasm) out of it too. You make it sound like you're doing a favor for the guy and by only "having" to do it once a week it's a favor you're happy to give. HIM. But women can enjoy and crave sex for the pleasure and release it gives them too. I have sex with DH 3-4 times a week. Not because he expects it every other night (although at this point, he probably does since happens for the most part), but because I want him, I want to be that close with him, because he makes my body feel amazing and in return I try to make his body feel amazing also. It's not one-sided.

I am a woman. I am married to the guy I fell in love with and have a family with him - that is my romance. I would gladly take sex every night (I get it 3X weekly), because that is the one time when it is all about our mutual pleasure and not about being parents and grownups.

I get off on knowing that he wants me. That is the biggest high for me, to know that after 2 kids, and making love to the same woman, his breath still hitches when he touches me. What is there not to like about sex? Especially with your spouse?

Who wants it more? Him or me? That is immaterial.