I want to know if this is someone who jumps around from person to person, who attaches no connection or emotion to sex - it is just an act, or someone who sees sex as part of a relationship. How someone views sex is as important to me as how they view money. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It doesn't mean it is wrong or wrong but it is indicative of how they act, their patterns, their attitudes and beliefs about sex, and that is what should be compatible. I want to know about their sexual past in the same way I want to know about their spend/save habits, about whether they have had 2 jobs or a new job every month. If I am looking for a relationship where sex and intimacy and connection are intertwined then I am not interested in someone whose background is primarily one night stands. We aren't going to be compatible. For someone else who loves kinky sex with multiple partners, learning their partner is a virgin who has hang ups about sex might be a factor in determining compatibility. I want to know if they have cheated on 30 different partners or if they have been very loyal and faithful and in 3 long term relationships.

So if someone lies to me about their sexual past, I would consider it the same as lying about their financial past or their employment past, or any other significant area that has shaped who they are, how they act and what they attach meaning to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DHs - how honest and open about the number of partners you had before you settled down? I assume you'll volunteer this information tonight over dinner, right?

DH here: she never asked, and would probably not want to know, but I'd be more than happy to discuss the matter in whatever detail she liked. Talking about sex is hot. I'd love to hear more about her slutty past as well. ;p But that may not be typical.

My DH has never asked me and I've never asked him.

I do know he has a fantasy of watching me fuck another dude. However we are NOT the typical married couple, we have a healthy and active sex life. I think mainly to do with the fact that neither of us have hang ups.

I guess I still need to challenge the link so many here assume, which is that the ability to extract useful information from this data = hangups. It ain't necessarily so. That's a hot fantasy, BTW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?

We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.

If you compare women's education levels to their reproductive rate, this is not far from the truth. lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DHs - how honest and open about the number of partners you had before you settled down? I assume you'll volunteer this information tonight over dinner, right?

DH here: she never asked, and would probably not want to know, but I'd be more than happy to discuss the matter in whatever detail she liked. Talking about sex is hot. I'd love to hear more about her slutty past as well. ;p But that may not be typical.

My DH has never asked me and I've never asked him.

I do know he has a fantasy of watching me fuck another dude. However we are NOT the typical married couple, we have a healthy and active sex life. I think mainly to do with the fact that neither of us have hang ups.

Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?

We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As medical science is constantly evolving we are learning that some STD, like HSV2, can exist dormant in someone with no manifestation of an outbreak and then suddenly you start to show signs of infection. HSV2 is so rampant - something ~20% of the US adult population is infected, yet the majority y are even unaware they are infected.

So one's past sexual history can be an important point in a relationship because of serious health consequences.

Of course health history is important. No one's saying it isn't.

But someone's sexual history can be the same with 2 sexual partners, as with 20. I'd have much more respect for someone that engaged in safe sex with more partners, than someone who didn't take safe sex seriously with fewer partners.
The number is irrelevant.

Totally agree with the bolded part. If you think number of partners is the critical factor, you'll also want to know how many people the partners fucked as well and if protection was used. The health risks for a partner that had unprotected sex with 100 people before you would be greater than the health risks of the partner that had safe sex with 100 people.

A man or woman that would ask about PAST partners then get hung up about the answer because of his or own insecurity has deep seated issues and is very unattractive.

What a person does before being with you has nothing to do with the present. The number or lack of partners does not define character smh.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by the number of men? Do you mean at one time?

Or in a row. Choo-choo. lol People take all this sex stuff too seriously. It's supposed to be fun.

Anonymous wrote:So DHs - how honest and open about the number of partners you had before you settled down? I assume you'll volunteer this information tonight over dinner, right?

DH here: she never asked, and would probably not want to know, but I'd be more than happy to discuss the matter in whatever detail she liked. Talking about sex is hot. I'd love to hear more about her slutty past as well. ;p But that may not be typical.

why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As medical science is constantly evolving we are learning that some STD, like HSV2, can exist dormant in someone with no manifestation of an outbreak and then suddenly you start to show signs of infection. HSV2 is so rampant - something ~20% of the US adult population is infected, yet the majority y are even unaware they are infected.

So one's past sexual history can be an important point in a relationship because of serious health consequences.

HSV-2 is communicable by kissing. Are you going to interrogate someone about every person they ever kissed?

If it's that important, ask for a blood titer and be done with it.

talking about genital herpes (HSV2) not cold sores which are HSV1. pretty big difference.

I'm aware. HSV2 is also transmittable via saliva.

What do you mean by the number of men? Do you mean at one time?

So DHs - how honest and open about the number of partners you had before you settled down? I assume you'll volunteer this information tonight over dinner, right?

PP DH here. Deep down, a lot of people (especially men) want to believe that they married a "wholesome" person and not the type of folks they used to bang in college. Odd though that the women I know who were adventurous in college settled down pretty early afterwards. I keep in contact with a few and they all have been married 15+years in stable marriages.

Anyways, I met my wife and 30. I do not care whether or not she slept with 5 guys or 15 guys at 20. I care more about the health aspects. IMO

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As medical science is constantly evolving we are learning that some STD, like HSV2, can exist dormant in someone with no manifestation of an outbreak and then suddenly you start to show signs of infection. HSV2 is so rampant - something ~20% of the US adult population is infected, yet the majority y are even unaware they are infected.

So one's past sexual history can be an important point in a relationship because of serious health consequences.

HSV-2 is communicable by kissing. Are you going to interrogate someone about every person they ever kissed?

If it's that important, ask for a blood titer and be done with it.

talking about genital herpes (HSV2) not cold sores which are HSV1. pretty big difference.