Wrong to marry someone who does not accept your kids. He should have held out for someone who could tolerate his kids. Or she could go on a trip once in a while.

I know someone with this type of arrangement. Mom moved into a little house and the kids stay at the main family home with dad. Dad is out of town for work two weeks a month and then mom stays with the kids at the family home. Mom and Dad have separate rooms and for holidays and birthdays they both stay at the family home. I can't imagine this working if and when they re-marry. I guess it is working so far.

OP, if you're really that disgusted, you can go in tomorrow and instruct your lawyer to change your will and exclude your family member from the guardianship thing.

Also, if the kids are older, then your parents might work as guardians -- what works for infants/toddlers may not always work for preschoolers/ES kids or MS/HS kids, or vice-versa. A grandma that's at least alert, if not able to run around, would work for a MS/HS kid.

I'd suggest you find several family members and friends whose mental judgment you trust, and basically appoint them as some sort of regency council that will determine the final arrangements for your kids. I assume you have financial and physical care/custody arrangements separate as well.

Let me guess -- the new wife's 32-35, looks starting to fade, and worried she won't have another chance at having kids? Bonus points if she was sort of "Sex and the City" living it up and turned down at least 1-2 decent enough guys (good providers, even-keeled, no personal drama, and okay or better in the sack.)

But she can't accept that most men at this age either have kids or have other issues, so she's expecting her new husband to just seal off that part of her life, to keep his kids hermetically sealed from her, so she can pretend she is marrying a guy with no kids.

But you know, as soon as she has HER kids, she's going to start getting angry that her husband isn't there for even those alternate Mad Men style weekends. Nope, she's going to sulk, she's going to whinge and try and get those weekends somehow changed, because SHE NEEDS SUPPORT AND SHE WORKS SO HARD BLAH BLAH BLAH. So Dad will be half there or even not there. Hopefully the CS checks will keep coming, but I suspect the new wife's going to bitch about that too.

This is going to end so poorly and horribly. It's very rare that I say this -- but I really feel sorry for the kids in this case.

I am 43 years old. My parents divorced 5 years ago.
I live a few states away from them. When I visit them with my family, they stay together at my mom's place so that both my mom and dad can hang out with me and my family.
I wish they wouldn't and I dread visiting. It is confusing, uncomfortable and feels like a fake, week-long movie where everyone is playing their part.

I'm an adult and this screws with my head. I feel so badly for those kids. They will be so messed up.

There is something wrong with every adult involved in this kind of arrangement. Do right by the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can a father actually be a parent when he sees his kids 2 days every two weeks? I don't think so.

What do you mean by "be a parent"?

Someone who is actually raising his kids rather than dropping by a few days a month.

Anonymous wrote:Can a father actually be a parent when he sees his kids 2 days every two weeks? I don't think so.

What do you mean by "be a parent"?

Yes dump her as guardian. You do not want your children near this! It is whacked.

Is this guy loaded? His child support payments are going to be sky high with a custody arrangement like this.

Op, these people sound like total losers. Find a better guardian for your kids.

The kids are not going to know their father very well and what if they ask to see him more? They surely have friends who have divorced parents doing shared custody. Yes I know this was how custody used to work, a few days a month. But things have evolved. Also, these kids are young. What about when they are teens? What about extracurriculars?

What kind of person would want to have a child with someone who can walk away from his kids? What kind of person would want to have a child with someone who would urge someone to abandon his children?

I would distance myself from both of these people. I'd change my will ASAP, both of these folks are of poor character. I would not want any child to be dependant on such people.

I still would not look away from the person she has shown herself to be. She can still be a doting aunt figure. Is this someone who has shown herself to be of the character to do right by kids when she can avoid doing so? Is she the person you would want to be a primary role model for your girls?

Not sure if a new thread was started, but I agree with PP. It's highly unlikely that you and DH will die at the same time. Goal would be stability for the kids, so without family, ask friends of the family with kids of their own.

FWIW, the other situation is crazy. He works too much to take care of the kids he HAS, but wants one with new woman? And his kids will see they this - dad isn't just doing wife, but dumping wife and kids for a new life.

NP. Find a new guardian. I would not want this to be the role model for my kids.

And seriously consider your friends, especially those with kids the same age as yours. You are asking someone to take on this role if something catastrophic happens to both you and DH suddenly and at the same time (otherwise you will have a chance to reevaluate under the new circumstances) - the odds of which are actually quite small, and in the face of which good people are honestly willing to step up. And adding your kids would be easiest for a family with same age kids. From your post I get the impression your kids may be young / at the stage where more kids is harder, but as they get older, having same age playmates / kids on the same school/activity schedule is easier.

Obviously money is a considerations, but if you have the life insurance / trusts set up to provide for your kids financial needs, then seriously consider your friends who would best be prepared to provide the emotional needs.