Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 11:59     Subject: Re:My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Mass isn't social? I haven't had that experience. In our area, there is coffee and donuts and pastries in the Church basement after Mass. People usually get to Mass on time and socialize afterwards. Mass is very social, just not in the pews.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 11:32     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
I don't do Church. Thanks but no thanks.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 10:45     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:I want to take my catholic MIL to shul so I can show her off. She's just so adorable! She'd better not have a problem with it, that would be super selfish of her.


Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 23:29     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Let grandparents take her and deal with any fussing. You stay home for sexy time with DH.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 23:18     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:I want to take my catholic MIL to shul so I can show her off. She's just so adorable! She'd better not have a problem with it, that would be super selfish of her.


Totally different to the point that your post is totally irrelevant.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 23:13     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
I want to take my catholic MIL to shul so I can show her off. She's just so adorable! She'd better not have a problem with it, that would be super selfish of her.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 21:00     Subject: Re:My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:OP, look at things in a different light.

You might feel you are being gracious by offering to come hang out before or after the service so that they can introduce your child to their church family.

But based off common ettiquit surrounding Christmas Mass or Protestant services, that behavior would be considered very weird and unusual, and would likely feel to your inlaws feel like they were drawing unnecessary and conspicuous attention to themselves (I know, a big contradiction considering that attention is why they want thier grandchild there in the first place.)

No one, and I mean no one, just shows up before or after and leaves. That would be very strange and you would be better not going at all.

We do not have family around, so we are always on our own at Christmas. But we do attend church regularly. At Christmas mass, the pews aee filled with families. We see all the regulars, who are usually on their own, sitting in a pew filled from end to end, with their teens and college kids who come from this one day each year, older married kids and the inlaws (often not practicing or Christian as they usually just sit politely instead of participating, knealing, etc.) And grandkids, some familiar with Mass, most not, and some too little to care.

All of these old folks who are usually alone each week are just beaming with pride at having their family with them that day.

It is not about converting or imposing beliefs on unwilling dils, it is about having thier lived ones together with them in a place that is so important to them.

Attendance of your daughter is a wonderful gift you can give your inlaws, even if you stay home and your husband goes.

Some day 20+years down the road, you might be the one where everything important to you is being rejected by the baby you are holding now. Teaching her from the beginning to respect family traditions is a wonderful lesson you can give her now that will pay off dividends to you decades in the future.


OP, you and your husband should do what you wish, but I think this poster has nicely summed up why your ILs want the baby to be there for the whole service. I just left Christmas eve Mass with my mom, who was very happy to show off her new 6 mo grandson, but it would have been beyond weird if we had just shown up with him at the end explicitly for showing off purposes (we are Catholic, so we were all going to mass anyway, so luckily it's a moot point for us). Your ILs may not be able to articulate this, I don't think I could have articulated it without seeing PP's post, but PP has probably hit the nail on the head. So it's something to keep in mind as you decide what to do. I am only six months into this gig, so I don't know what grandparents are like in terms of their desire to show off as the kids get older, so I don't know how important it is to set the right precedent this year.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 01:48     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We do Mass, so there is not a lot of socializing surrounding the Christmas Eve and Christmas services. However, with many of our Protestant friends, there is a big social component to the Christmas Eve service. This is a chance for your in-laws to introduce their beautiful grand baby to all their church friends. They think she is the most perfect, beautiful creature in the world and they want all their friends to know that all the bragging they have been doing the past 6 months is spot on

They aren't trying to convert her, or override your religious beliefs, they literally want to "show her off".

I would let your husband take her, and walk around the vestibule if she won't be quiet for the service. There will likely be a lot of music, which she might actually enjoy. Give her a chance to surprise you, and be grateful that they think this child is even more amazing than even you and your husband do.


I'm curious what you mean by this. I'm protestant, but I used to work in a group home with several Catholic residents so I've attended a lot of Catholic services, and the socialization seemed very similar on a regular Sunday.

I would imagine that the social aspects of a Christmas service would be the same. You get there early because the seats fill up, and talk with the people around you. You see someone across the church, and ask your neighbor or husband to save a seat, while you take the baby over, show her off a little, ooh and ahh over their toddler (again, there's plenty of time because you got there 30 minutes early to get a seat), or one parent takes the kids to the church hall to play before the music starts, and you have a chance to see all the other parents of little kids doing the same thing. After the service, you stand around for a few minutes, and hug your friends, wish them a Merry Christmas, ask the little ones if they're excited about Santa, tell the middle sized ones they sung beautifully in the choir, or they made lovely shepherds in the nativity scene.

And then you go home.

Wouldn't a Catholic service be similar?

Do those


No. Before a Catholic Mass parishoners are not supposed to talk or visit.

The standard practice when you enter the church is to cross yourself, go quietly to your seat, kneal in prayer or sit in quiet reflection.

It would be considered very improper to walk around or visit inside the church before Mass, even at Crhistmas Mass.

Once you walk in and cross yourself, the prayer time begins.


Cradle Catholic here, and all I can say is hahahahahahahaha. Especially at the holidays.


I have been a practicing Catholic for over 40 years.

I have lived all over this country and have regularly attended Mass in dozens of parishes and one overseas.

Never is it appropriate nor is it commons for folks to visit in the church prior to Mass. I have never seen what PP is describing to occur in the church prior to Mass.

Perhaps you attend a very casual or very unusual parish.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 00:47     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We do Mass, so there is not a lot of socializing surrounding the Christmas Eve and Christmas services. However, with many of our Protestant friends, there is a big social component to the Christmas Eve service. This is a chance for your in-laws to introduce their beautiful grand baby to all their church friends. They think she is the most perfect, beautiful creature in the world and they want all their friends to know that all the bragging they have been doing the past 6 months is spot on

They aren't trying to convert her, or override your religious beliefs, they literally want to "show her off".

I would let your husband take her, and walk around the vestibule if she won't be quiet for the service. There will likely be a lot of music, which she might actually enjoy. Give her a chance to surprise you, and be grateful that they think this child is even more amazing than even you and your husband do.


I'm curious what you mean by this. I'm protestant, but I used to work in a group home with several Catholic residents so I've attended a lot of Catholic services, and the socialization seemed very similar on a regular Sunday.

I would imagine that the social aspects of a Christmas service would be the same. You get there early because the seats fill up, and talk with the people around you. You see someone across the church, and ask your neighbor or husband to save a seat, while you take the baby over, show her off a little, ooh and ahh over their toddler (again, there's plenty of time because you got there 30 minutes early to get a seat), or one parent takes the kids to the church hall to play before the music starts, and you have a chance to see all the other parents of little kids doing the same thing. After the service, you stand around for a few minutes, and hug your friends, wish them a Merry Christmas, ask the little ones if they're excited about Santa, tell the middle sized ones they sung beautifully in the choir, or they made lovely shepherds in the nativity scene.

And then you go home.

Wouldn't a Catholic service be similar?

Do those


Absolutely not. Before Mass, parishioners are to kneel in silent prayer and reflection. It is NOT in any way a social event.

When I practiced Catholicism, and attended Mass at least weekly, one of the most annoying things was disrespectful folks who would show up on Christmas Eve and treat the service as if it is a Christmas play, an entertainment and social event. It is Mass, not a show, not a party.

I would never let my baby be "shown off" at a Church service for a religion we don't practice. A church social, sure. But not a service. I won't have my baby be one of those rude people who just shows up to be seen on Chrustmas and isn't there to actually be part of the worship service. OP, kudos to you and your husband.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 20:10     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
They just want to have a pew full of family like their friends.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 20:02     Subject: Re:My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off

Why did you marry into a Christian family? You had to know this would come up once you had children.

I would go and proudly show of my child to my in-law's friends. And appreciate the service for what it was -- a joyous time for other members of my extended family.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 19:57     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
OP ~ my IL's wanted the same - to show off their grandchild to their friends - to be seen by all at church with their beautiful grandchild. ok. I stayed home (it was their hometown, we were visiting) changed into my pajamas, stretched out on the sofa, watched whatever Christmas Eve special I wanted. I loved it. It's actually a very fond Christmas memory of mine even decades later. They would have preferred I go but I wasn't going to do that (I would have been resentful) Husband had to go with them, they are his folks. They were happy enough just to show-off their grandchild, the other details weren't so important.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 17:05     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the responses. OP - do what works for your family.


You mean what works for OP and ignore the other members of the family?


Her husband and her kid are the only family members that OP needs to consider.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 17:04     Subject: My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the responses. OP - do what works for your family.


++10000
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2013 15:15     Subject: Re:My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
Although I agree with what PPs wrote, I would kept my child at home. It's a cold/flu season, 6 months old is too vulnerable. Other than that, I would have no problem going (I am an atheist, btw).