Anonymous
12/19/2013 13:58
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Theres nothing wrong with wanting a hardworking guy from a similar background. Im a upper middle class professional and i would like a girl from a similar background. Now OP didnt tell us about her more shallow requirements. Height, income, etc. Your height requirement should be no more than 4 inches above your height, unless you are 5'2 or lower.
Do you have a social network? Do your friends try to hook you up?
You must not live in DC. Op is 5'7". Four inches above her height would be 5'11". The average male height in this town is 5'7". If that. Most women in this town who are 5'7", and I am one of them, r willing today guys who r their height or an inch or two taller. I once dated a guy who is 5'10" and thought I'd hit the jackpot.
I am not in DC, but i am in NYC, where women have simular complaints. Its just not accurate. Im 5'10 and im no better than average here. If youre mostly hanging around white professionals, the average is 5'10 to 6'. Maybe you wear heels and you forget about that when analyzing heights.
Btw im a 5'10 guy who loves women 5'6 to 5'8 or so. This makes me kind of an outlier among my friends. And if shes athletic too, oh yeah...
You are probably not 5'10. Most men think they are taller than they are, especially if they are under 6'.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 13:57
Subject: Re:Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
30s is a tough time to met men. Most of the desirable ones are in their first marriage, working their a**s off, have kids, or just got divorced but still have ties to their kids and do not want any more entanglements. Their time does not free up until age 40. Which is why you meet so many guys 45 years old with a history. Try a younger one.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 13:48
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Theres nothing wrong with wanting a hardworking guy from a similar background. Im a upper middle class professional and i would like a girl from a similar background. Now OP didnt tell us about her more shallow requirements. Height, income, etc. Your height requirement should be no more than 4 inches above your height, unless you are 5'2 or lower.
Do you have a social network? Do your friends try to hook you up?
You must not live in DC. Op is 5'7". Four inches above her height would be 5'11". The average male height in this town is 5'7". If that. Most women in this town who are 5'7", and I am one of them, r willing today guys who r their height or an inch or two taller. I once dated a guy who is 5'10" and thought I'd hit the jackpot.
I am not in DC, but i am in NYC, where women have simular complaints. Its just not accurate. Im 5'10 and im no better than average here. If youre mostly hanging around white professionals, the average is 5'10 to 6'. Maybe you wear heels and you forget about that when analyzing heights.
Btw im a 5'10 guy who loves women 5'6 to 5'8 or so. This makes me kind of an outlier among my friends. And if shes athletic too, oh yeah...
Anonymous
12/19/2013 13:38
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:1. If you want a partner and think bars aren't a good way to meet a partner, then stop spending so much time in bars.
2. Your "stable" and "upper-middle class background" filters will filter out many men. Why should it be immediately disqualifying if you meet a senior associate/junior partner type whose dad was a laborer?
3. I'm also wondering if you're pretty much looking for a "four sixes" sort of guys: double six figure salary, 6' tall, 6-pack abs, and 6" down there. If so, you're entitled to your preferences, BUT get in line and you'd better bring your A-Game looks and personality wise.
You might as well just look for a unicorn. Even just taking the first two into account, youre at like 5% of men.
WTF? 6 feet tall and six figure salary is a "unicorn"? Then there are a lot of unicorns in DC. Do you work at a law firm, OP? If not, go to one. Every BigLaw lawyer in town makes a six-figure salary. Many (most?) are men. Many of them are 6 feet tall. Few probably have 6 pack abcs, but plenty of them are in great shape (in their 30s). Done.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 13:33
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Your assumptions are just wrong. There are a large number of women in their 20's who are not interested in getting married right now at all. Not even one single bit. Many, MANY women in their 20's are content in finding someone that they can share time and energy with, enjoy each other and simultaneously pursue other options.
Really. Sincerely. They exist!
In fact, its the feminist mind set which has told them focus on school and jobs and live your life and then settle down later.
Its no wonder the average marital age is increasing, especially amongst educated professional urban women, which is the market I'm dealing with.
To call me a dating failure is ridiculous. If you want to call me a failure at a first marriage, fine, that is definitely the case.
Dating means: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
Note that it doesn't say, filtering through people to find a spouse.
The goal of life as a species is reproductive success. And there is no doubt at all that I have achieved that.
You have no idea what the people in my life think or feel. Exwife, girlfriend, kids, everyone is content. We have a 21st century nontraditional extended family. We all attend social events together and celebrate things together. All of us. Including ex new bf. The kids have lots of love showered on them.
Because I don't follow YOUR model of success, doesn't mean that I'm not successful in what I am doing.
Goodness, you really could take a minute to consider that there are other satisfying methods of living your life other than the one you have chosen for yourself.
You are projecting onto all these 25 year old women that you don't even know.
Why do you think that a woman born in 1988 will think the way you do when you were born in 1973?
You have no idea the impact of social media, online dating, tinder, facebook, all of it on the perceptions of females today. They can get affirmation and recognition instantly by checking their tinder inbox or okcupid or by posting a selfie and getting 1000 likes. This changes perceptions, expectations and actions.
When you were growing up the chances of meeting someone were much lower just simply based on the economics of time.
A 25 year old woman can "meet" 100 men every day. With that perspective, combined with the notion that they should focus on careers and education and living life - the idea that they have to seek out a spouse NOW is not on their minds. Why settle now when there are 100 more new guys on their way tomorrow?
Projecting your experiences from 90's (before wide spread cell phone adoption!), which experiences were short and sweet regardless, onto a girl who might have been born in 1990 just doesn't work.
what you have might work for you, but nobody wants it. there are men out there who pay women to watch them get fat. it seems to work for them. but, for most people, it is not a relevant path. you are living with a woman (a mother of one of your children, who is hoping for more) who is ok with you sleeping with other women. nobody cares for that kind of success.
i am familiar with new technology, thank you. i already explained to you on the other thread, that a woman doesn't need to seek a husband to get married. in fact, best marriages proceed without a conscious effort to find the one that meets requirements of some predetermined list. this is because conscious mind is inferior in handling this complex problem, just as trying to consciously control the work of one's kidneys would lead to failure.
sure there are bimbos out there, but they have existed since the beggining of time. human psychology is pretty much constant and, though there have been many announcements of revoluationary changes over years, human needs have not changed significantly. young people are still falling in love and beautiful movie stars and models are still getting married in their twenties. the average age of marriage and all that has increased slightly, not 10 or 15 years as you seem to be imagining. and if anything, there is a backlash against feminism as women gained a better understanding of their own fertility and do not feel as much pressure to prove themselves professionally - a lesson that will eventually trickle down to this largely mythical creature of career driven woman who doesn't care to get married before she is 35.
women who are single in the thirties are single not because they were not trying hard enough to get married or were opposed to it, because they believed careers and having fun is more important; no, but because they were overestimating their own desirability, waiting for a better opportunity that never materialized, while they were becoming even less desirable. that can happen to anyone at any age, and has very little to do with technology, feminism or any of that.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 12:46
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Your assumptions are just wrong. There are a large number of women in their 20's who are not interested in getting married right now at all. Not even one single bit. Many, MANY women in their 20's are content in finding someone that they can share time and energy with, enjoy each other and simultaneously pursue other options.
Really. Sincerely. They exist!
In fact, its the feminist mind set which has told them focus on school and jobs and live your life and then settle down later.
Its no wonder the average marital age is increasing, especially amongst educated professional urban women, which is the market I'm dealing with.
To call me a dating failure is ridiculous. If you want to call me a failure at a first marriage, fine, that is definitely the case.
Dating means: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
Note that it doesn't say, filtering through people to find a spouse.
The goal of life as a species is reproductive success. And there is no doubt at all that I have achieved that.
You have no idea what the people in my life think or feel. Exwife, girlfriend, kids, everyone is content. We have a 21st century nontraditional extended family. We all attend social events together and celebrate things together. All of us. Including ex new bf. The kids have lots of love showered on them.
Because I don't follow YOUR model of success, doesn't mean that I'm not successful in what I am doing.
Goodness, you really could take a minute to consider that there are other satisfying methods of living your life other than the one you have chosen for yourself.
You are projecting onto all these 25 year old women that you don't even know.
Why do you think that a woman born in 1988 will think the way you do when you were born in 1973?
You have no idea the impact of social media, online dating, tinder, facebook, all of it on the perceptions of females today. They can get affirmation and recognition instantly by checking their tinder inbox or okcupid or by posting a selfie and getting 1000 likes. This changes perceptions, expectations and actions.
When you were growing up the chances of meeting someone were much lower just simply based on the economics of time.
A 25 year old woman can "meet" 100 men every day. With that perspective, combined with the notion that they should focus on careers and education and living life - the idea that they have to seek out a spouse NOW is not on their minds. Why settle now when there are 100 more new guys on their way tomorrow?
Projecting your experiences from 90's (before wide spread cell phone adoption!), which experiences were short and sweet regardless, onto a girl who might have been born in 1990 just doesn't work.
So in other words you pledge not to be one of "those women" who whine and complain about being single upon reaching 35 because you understand and accept your role in creating that circumstance by your decisions you made in your 20's.
Great - one less broad babbling about how she can't find somebody in 10 years.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 12:43
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Your assumptions are just wrong. There are a large number of women in their 20's who are not interested in getting married right now at all. Not even one single bit. Many, MANY women in their 20's are content in finding someone that they can share time and energy with, enjoy each other and simultaneously pursue other options.
Really. Sincerely. They exist!
In fact, its the feminist mind set which has told them focus on school and jobs and live your life and then settle down later.
Its no wonder the average marital age is increasing, especially amongst educated professional urban women, which is the market I'm dealing with.
To call me a dating failure is ridiculous. If you want to call me a failure at a first marriage, fine, that is definitely the case.
Dating means: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
Note that it doesn't say, filtering through people to find a spouse.
The goal of life as a species is reproductive success. And there is no doubt at all that I have achieved that.
You have no idea what the people in my life think or feel. Exwife, girlfriend, kids, everyone is content. We have a 21st century nontraditional extended family. We all attend social events together and celebrate things together. All of us. Including ex new bf. The kids have lots of love showered on them.
Because I don't follow YOUR model of success, doesn't mean that I'm not successful in what I am doing.
Goodness, you really could take a minute to consider that there are other satisfying methods of living your life other than the one you have chosen for yourself.
You are projecting onto all these 25 year old women that you don't even know.
Why do you think that a woman born in 1988 will think the way you do when you were born in 1973?
You have no idea the impact of social media, online dating, tinder, facebook, all of it on the perceptions of females today. They can get affirmation and recognition instantly by checking their tinder inbox or okcupid or by posting a selfie and getting 1000 likes. This changes perceptions, expectations and actions.
When you were growing up the chances of meeting someone were much lower just simply based on the economics of time.
A 25 year old woman can "meet" 100 men every day. With that perspective, combined with the notion that they should focus on careers and education and living life - the idea that they have to seek out a spouse NOW is not on their minds. Why settle now when there are 100 more new guys on their way tomorrow?
Projecting your experiences from 90's (before wide spread cell phone adoption!), which experiences were short and sweet regardless, onto a girl who might have been born in 1990 just doesn't work.
Really. Sincerely. They exist!
In fact, its the feminist mind set which has told them focus on school and jobs and live your life and then settle down later.
Its no wonder the average marital age is increasing, especially amongst educated professional urban women, which is the market I'm dealing with.
To call me a dating failure is ridiculous. If you want to call me a failure at a first marriage, fine, that is definitely the case.
Dating means: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
Note that it doesn't say, filtering through people to find a spouse.
The goal of life as a species is reproductive success. And there is no doubt at all that I have achieved that.
You have no idea what the people in my life think or feel. Exwife, girlfriend, kids, everyone is content. We have a 21st century nontraditional extended family. We all attend social events together and celebrate things together. All of us. Including ex new bf. The kids have lots of love showered on them.
Because I don't follow YOUR model of success, doesn't mean that I'm not successful in what I am doing.
Goodness, you really could take a minute to consider that there are other satisfying methods of living your life other than the one you have chosen for yourself.
You are projecting onto all these 25 year old women that you don't even know.
Why do you think that a woman born in 1988 will think the way you do when you were born in 1973?
You have no idea the impact of social media, online dating, tinder, facebook, all of it on the perceptions of females today. They can get affirmation and recognition instantly by checking their tinder inbox or okcupid or by posting a selfie and getting 1000 likes. This changes perceptions, expectations and actions.
When you were growing up the chances of meeting someone were much lower just simply based on the economics of time.
A 25 year old woman can "meet" 100 men every day. With that perspective, combined with the notion that they should focus on careers and education and living life - the idea that they have to seek out a spouse NOW is not on their minds. Why settle now when there are 100 more new guys on their way tomorrow?
Projecting your experiences from 90's (before wide spread cell phone adoption!), which experiences were short and sweet regardless, onto a girl who might have been born in 1990 just doesn't work.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 12:41
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you focused more on what men want instead of what you want from them, it would work out better for you.
I for one know that in order to be in high demand I have to be tall (check), fit (check), make six figures+ (check) and be packing more than 6" (check).
the rest is just shit people tolerate.
What men want is simple:
Nice, easy going, sweet, warm, sexually available, attractive, feminine, some semblance of an ability to create a homey environment.
Notice there is no mention of sarcastic, professional, career oriented, blunt, snarky, overly educated (bachelors is just fine) or most importantly - 'strong independent woman'
I knew it wouldn't take long for others to go off on this guy....yes, his list is very accurate. What a shame that descriptors such as sweet and feminine are interpreted as "submissive".
Anonymous
12/19/2013 12:11
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok ill admit smart is on my list but as I get older I realize in general that just being easy to be around is much more rewarding on a daily basis.
My current GF went to a top tier school and has a great professional gig.
But would I be less attracted to her if she went to a mid range school and had ten less IQ points? I don't think so
That's be awfully shallow of me!
When you make lists the longer they get the more useless they are. Being nice warm and wanting to make a home seem to be at the top of mine.
Kill me for wanting a nice girl!
I quoted the oft repeated list of the four sixes here as a way to mock them actually.
Yes, we know all about your GF. Going to top school (in the USA) and having a good professional gig hardly suggests anything than average intelligence. Which is fine, just stop trying to prove she "has it all" where she clearly doesn't.
Also, your nice girlfriend accepts that you sleep with other women while she sits at home hoping you will give her more children. That arrangeent is going well beyond being nice and sweet into a sick, submissive attitude that very few men want. You are simply in no position to pronounce on dating universals here because what you have is totally creepy and of no interest to anyone.
What is your age and marital status by the way? Lets gets some perspective on your perspective.
I am 40, married for 17 years, with 2 children. Any other questions?
well that makes more sense now.
you've been removed from the dating market since the 90's!
no wonder you have no idea whats going on out there.
and even when you did date it wasn't for that long.
good for you, however. I think marrying younger is better than marrying older (for a woman) and i'm sure you have a happy sane marriage which is what a lot of people desire.
But to listen to a middle aged mom whose been married since the 90's talk about the dating markets today is really silly.
Good to know!
yes, i have been removed from the dating market for years, though several people close to me are in the trenches so i am by no means clueless as to what is going on.
most people on the dating market - and certainly a vast majority of women - want to get off the market, as soon as possible, and never go back. i have succeeded in exactly that. you, on the other hand, at 37, with 3 kids by 2 different women, still working on your lists, still optimizing your prospects and still dating around with the approval of your "current girlfriend" with whom you plan more children, are a dating failure. you supposedly know all about the process, but the bottom line is, your results are dismal and almost nobody - virtually no women, and very few men, want to be where you are. people want to stop dating so that they can live their lives, while for you, dating is apparently a permanent part of life (or at least it will be till you conclude through one of your nebulous analyses that you are better of settling). therefore, even a "middle aged mom" (who also happens to be a psychologist) has to offer more useful advice than you.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 11:21
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Don't rule out the guys who are very athletic - those are great guys to date if you have an active life yourself and don't mind a little time to yourself while they're out training. I would kill to meet someone who takes good care of himself and trains for races. (I work out daily and race a few times a year.) I think it's great when people have healthy hobbies, and it takes discipline to be a good runner or cyclist or triathlete. They're not all complete health nuts, either - a lot of us are perfectly happy to go out and have a nice meal and some wine or beer, or sleep in when we're not in training.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 10:38
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
If the OP is looking for a particular sort of guy, why are you trying to change her mind? She'll either eventually find him, or she'll be single and keep looking for him. It's no skin off your back.
To answer your question, OP, I'd branch out doing the activities you enjoy. If finding a like minded guy is on your list, you'll find him doing the same sorts of things you like.
While I eventually met my BF online, many people (including on here) suggested Meetups to me. These can be for any activity you enjoy and some are just for singles. I think the more social you are willing to be, the better. This guy you seek could be anywhere!
Get out there doing things and being happy, and you'll meet more men in your situation. I was a 3rd wheel to friends and family. It sucked, but it was better than sitting home. I didn't meet men that way, but it helped me to feel more positive about life in general. I'm not going to sit around moaning at dinner with a couple. At least I was out, smiling and having a good time.
I've found that age is not the determining factor in maturity. This is true for women and men.
I'm divorced and met my very immature ex in a bar when I was in my 20s. Been divorced less than 5 years and have dated a LOT since then.
To answer your question, OP, I'd branch out doing the activities you enjoy. If finding a like minded guy is on your list, you'll find him doing the same sorts of things you like.
While I eventually met my BF online, many people (including on here) suggested Meetups to me. These can be for any activity you enjoy and some are just for singles. I think the more social you are willing to be, the better. This guy you seek could be anywhere!
Get out there doing things and being happy, and you'll meet more men in your situation. I was a 3rd wheel to friends and family. It sucked, but it was better than sitting home. I didn't meet men that way, but it helped me to feel more positive about life in general. I'm not going to sit around moaning at dinner with a couple. At least I was out, smiling and having a good time.
I've found that age is not the determining factor in maturity. This is true for women and men.
I'm divorced and met my very immature ex in a bar when I was in my 20s. Been divorced less than 5 years and have dated a LOT since then.
Anonymous
12/19/2013 10:30
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:1. If you want a partner and think bars aren't a good way to meet a partner, then stop spending so much time in bars.
2. Your "stable" and "upper-middle class background" filters will filter out many men. Why should it be immediately disqualifying if you meet a senior associate/junior partner type whose dad was a laborer?
3. I'm also wondering if you're pretty much looking for a "four sixes" sort of guys: double six figure salary, 6' tall, 6-pack abs, and 6" down there. If so, you're entitled to your preferences, BUT get in line and you'd better bring your A-Game looks and personality wise.
Sounds like "Brandon" from "Shame." Scary.
Not sure what led you to think that ...
Anonymous
12/19/2013 09:44
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok ill admit smart is on my list but as I get older I realize in general that just being easy to be around is much more rewarding on a daily basis.
My current GF went to a top tier school and has a great professional gig.
But would I be less attracted to her if she went to a mid range school and had ten less IQ points? I don't think so
That's be awfully shallow of me!
When you make lists the longer they get the more useless they are. Being nice warm and wanting to make a home seem to be at the top of mine.
Kill me for wanting a nice girl!
I quoted the oft repeated list of the four sixes here as a way to mock them actually.
Yes, we know all about your GF. Going to top school (in the USA) and having a good professional gig hardly suggests anything than average intelligence. Which is fine, just stop trying to prove she "has it all" where she clearly doesn't.
Also, your nice girlfriend accepts that you sleep with other women while she sits at home hoping you will give her more children. That arrangeent is going well beyond being nice and sweet into a sick, submissive attitude that very few men want. You are simply in no position to pronounce on dating universals here because what you have is totally creepy and of no interest to anyone.
What is your age and marital status by the way? Lets gets some perspective on your perspective.
I am 40, married for 17 years, with 2 children. Any other questions?
well that makes more sense now.
you've been removed from the dating market since the 90's!
no wonder you have no idea whats going on out there.
and even when you did date it wasn't for that long.
good for you, however. I think marrying younger is better than marrying older (for a woman) and i'm sure you have a happy sane marriage which is what a lot of people desire.
But to listen to a middle aged mom whose been married since the 90's talk about the dating markets today is really silly.
Good to know!
Anonymous
12/19/2013 09:41
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Hardworking is important because I have dated people in the past who were lacking ambition and the desire to grow personally/professionally and it didn't work with my outlook on life. Someone with a healthy work ethic as well as good work-life balance would be ideal. Also, regarding arbitrary preferences, they are only that -- a preference. Non-negotiables are a different thing.
translated:
seeking stable provider to meet my expectations of future standard of living
More like: someone who can take care of themselves and live within their own means - not looking to be a lazy guy's meal ticket!
Anonymous
12/19/2013 09:39
Subject: Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok ill admit smart is on my list but as I get older I realize in general that just being easy to be around is much more rewarding on a daily basis.
My current GF went to a top tier school and has a great professional gig.
But would I be less attracted to her if she went to a mid range school and had ten less IQ points? I don't think so
That's be awfully shallow of me!
When you make lists the longer they get the more useless they are. Being nice warm and wanting to make a home seem to be at the top of mine.
Kill me for wanting a nice girl!
I quoted the oft repeated list of the four sixes here as a way to mock them actually.
Yes, we know all about your GF. Going to top school (in the USA) and having a good professional gig hardly suggests anything than average intelligence. Which is fine, just stop trying to prove she "has it all" where she clearly doesn't.
Also, your nice girlfriend accepts that you sleep with other women while she sits at home hoping you will give her more children. That arrangeent is going well beyond being nice and sweet into a sick, submissive attitude that very few men want. You are simply in no position to pronounce on dating universals here because what you have is totally creepy and of no interest to anyone.
What is your age and marital status by the way? Lets gets some perspective on your perspective.
I am 40, married for 17 years, with 2 children. Any other questions?