Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

- Flowers my daughter planted chopped down from our garden
- Gun shots heard 2-3 weekends per month
- Mailing packages and furniture to work so they won't be stolen
- Neighbor tween threatening me with a brick in front of my toddler
- Six year olds playing in the street until 11pm on school nights
- Flash mob fights in the alley behind my house
- Stolen Xmas decorations and porch furniture
- Crappy local schools and nail-biting charter lotteries
- Rats, dog crap and litter everywhere

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is a loser at all. My family wouldn't have been happy with her choice, either.

I don't know how to advise you, though, OP. Whether you should, at this point, move/sell/buy/rent out all depends on your financial bottom lines. You may find it's harder to get tenants for your suburban place, and they won't be willing to pay as much as you may need to rent a little something in a place you like better.

But kids + apartments = perfectly good. Works for a lot of us. The idea of families needing "SPACE, OMG!!" is very culturally defined, and OP should hear that plenty of us grew up in cities where urban apartment living is very normal.

+1
I grew up in Europe with 2 siblings in a ~1000 sqft apartment which was considered very large. My parents were the most modest and down to earth people ever - they would despise hipsters if they cared to learn who those were. It is totally possible to raise children in small (by American standards) apartments and preferring to do so doesn't make one immature or a irresponsible parent (what??).

It's not the lack of space that gives city parents - specifically, Washington, DC parents - the reputation for irresponsibility. It's the atrocious quality of schools. If DC schools were on par with neighboring suburban counties, no one would bat an eye on families with children living in apartments. It's hypocritical of you to pretend otherwise. Did your quaint European city had good schools or what?

Not all the schools are bad. There is no school in this area that I like better than my child's charter, and she will likely be there from 3 to 18.

Anonymous wrote:We were like you until we encountered all of the following while living close to Columbia Heights:

- Cars broken into multiple times
- Neighbor murdered in a nearby alley
- Next-door neighbors ranged from noisy college grads to gang members
- Man on block arrested for threatening POTUS
- Spouse was confronted by man exposing himself in DC public library
- Syringes left on playground at local ES
- Drunks urinated in alley behind house
- Local teenagers hung out on corner smoking and selling weed
- Teen moms would ask us to look out after their kids for an hour, and come back five hours later
- Kids who'd played together as toddlers stopped seeing each other because they were all at different pre-schools and privates

Dunno, maybe you have to experience some of that first-hand to appreciate people who take care of their yards and decorate for XMas.

Hey (former) neighbor! I'll add (in no particular order):

- Flowers my daughter planted chopped down from our garden
- Gun shots heard 2-3 weekends per month
- Mailing packages and furniture to work so they won't be stolen
- Neighbor tween threatening me with a brick in front of my toddler
- Six year olds playing in the street until 11pm on school nights
- Flash mob fights in the alley behind my house
- Stolen Xmas decorations and porch furniture
- Crappy local schools and nail-biting charter lotteries
- Rats, dog crap and litter everywhere

Anonymous wrote:What's up with the knee jerk reactions that if you want to live in the city you're an irresponsible "hipster" and that all DC schools are automatically "bad"? Get over yourselves. The city has changed, people. The quality of life and the schools are better than they ever have been since I've lived here, and that's since 1994. But you wouldn't know about DC and its renaissance, because "the city" is automatically anathema to you.

Get a clue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what now?

Move to Frederick and get 70% of the DCUM Dream (albeit with an 90-minute commute)?

Stay put? I'm guessing you have little in common with your neighbors. That can't be fixed, but surely there's a MOMS club or something you can do (church, social club, etc.)

Move back to Columbia Heights and find the limitations of city living (terrible schools, cramped space, petty crime that might suddenly become more annoying, etc.)?

16:15, I think you've got two conflicting desires here in OP, and -- let's face it -- in most DCUM regulars.

"Pretend to be 23 the rest of your life" vs. "Doing the 'mature' thing and moving out to the burbs."

The "moving to the burbs is mature" thing has been drilled into us by parents/relatives/suburbanites who're still stuck in Barry-era stereotypes.

I suspect the ones who slink off to Urbana/Ashburn/Stafford/Crofton (or live 70% of the DCUM Dream in Frederick/Leesburg/Fredericksburg/Annapolis) go away, never to return.

She could move to Upper Caucasia, join DCUM Team Smug, and still get the satisfaction of telling everyone who will listen that she lives in "DC proper," but it too would be heavy on the old white people for her taste. That said, it's a way to live in DC with none of the "undesirable" elements, such as schoolchildren who aren't, ahem, "motivated." Isn't that the euphemism they're using these days?

I guess she can't afford that though.

We need a DCUM post of the week. I nominate you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what now?

Move to Frederick and get 70% of the DCUM Dream (albeit with an 90-minute commute)?

Stay put? I'm guessing you have little in common with your neighbors. That can't be fixed, but surely there's a MOMS club or something you can do (church, social club, etc.)

Move back to Columbia Heights and find the limitations of city living (terrible schools, cramped space, petty crime that might suddenly become more annoying, etc.)?

16:15, I think you've got two conflicting desires here in OP, and -- let's face it -- in most DCUM regulars.

"Pretend to be 23 the rest of your life" vs. "Doing the 'mature' thing and moving out to the burbs."

The "moving to the burbs is mature" thing has been drilled into us by parents/relatives/suburbanites who're still stuck in Barry-era stereotypes.

I suspect the ones who slink off to Urbana/Ashburn/Stafford/Crofton (or live 70% of the DCUM Dream in Frederick/Leesburg/Fredericksburg/Annapolis) go away, never to return.

She could move to Upper Caucasia, join DCUM Team Smug, and still get the satisfaction of telling everyone who will listen that she lives in "DC proper," but it too would be heavy on the old white people for her taste. That said, it's a way to live in DC with none of the "undesirable" elements, such as schoolchildren who aren't, ahem, "motivated." Isn't that the euphemism they're using these days?

I guess she can't afford that though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.

What's kind of idiotic about this advice is that OP purports to be married with a baby. It is not all about what her heart desires at this very moment. Maybe she should talk it over with her DH a few times before the city varsity cheerleading squad shows up in MD with the moving van.

it's not all about the OP but it's not all about the baby either. OP's preferences for city life should be a part of family decision-making.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.

What's kind of idiotic about this advice is that OP purports to be married with a baby. It is not all about what her heart desires at this very moment. Maybe she should talk it over with her DH a few times before the city varsity cheerleading squad shows up in MD with the moving van.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is a loser at all. My family wouldn't have been happy with her choice, either.

I don't know how to advise you, though, OP. Whether you should, at this point, move/sell/buy/rent out all depends on your financial bottom lines. You may find it's harder to get tenants for your suburban place, and they won't be willing to pay as much as you may need to rent a little something in a place you like better.

But kids + apartments = perfectly good. Works for a lot of us. The idea of families needing "SPACE, OMG!!" is very culturally defined, and OP should hear that plenty of us grew up in cities where urban apartment living is very normal.

+1
I grew up in Europe with 2 siblings in a ~1000 sqft apartment which was considered very large. My parents were the most modest and down to earth people ever - they would despise hipsters if they cared to learn who those were. It is totally possible to raise children in small (by American standards) apartments and preferring to do so doesn't make one immature or a irresponsible parent (what??).

It's not the lack of space that gives city parents - specifically, Washington, DC parents - the reputation for irresponsibility. It's the atrocious quality of schools. If DC schools were on par with neighboring suburban counties, no one would bat an eye on families with children living in apartments. It's hypocritical of you to pretend otherwise. Did your quaint European city had good schools or what?

Anonymous wrote:Sigh....I am one of your old white neighbors. Life really doesn't change because you move and I really doubt you ran into all your friends right around your condo in DC. all the time. We've all been there- it's not really like that. You are simply are one of those " I'm too cool" people who is ashamed to admit that you sold out to the suburbs. Except you didn't sellout- you only think you did. I had a pretty vibrant family and friend life while living in the suburbs with young kids, and I also had a great one living in a remote rural village in Europe. Yep- it's not about where you live, it's not your clothes, it's not your 'cache" it's YOU. Are telling me that there are NO other people with kids anywhere around? There certainly are more kid- friendly activities in the suburbs. I really doubt you will feel the need to hang out in bars and coffee lounges anymore. Perhaps your issue is that you are too immature to be a parent- you still see yourself as a hipster.

Now walk in your living room, play a record (I know you play records, lady) and dance with your kid. Next, find a mommy and me group, a dance thing, or a playgroup, and try to brush off your affectation before you go. And don't forget to talk to your neighbor- yeah- that 50 something lady (me), she might be one of your best neighbors and she can tell you who to hire to clean the gutters, where to buy this or that, AND introduce you to other neighbors. You are not on different planets.

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.