yes buy her a hitachi magic wand... she can't help but enjoy that.

She was raised to think sex is bad. This is difficult to overcome. She is very quiet and submissive. I've gotten used to this. At this point, I prefer to be in charge. I do feel like I am masturbating with her as a prop sometimes. Sounds terrible but it's not so bad really. It is a compromise that works for us.

Sorry, OP, but to me being used as a prop doesn't sound like a compromise. Really, it gives me the creeps.
But I understand from your later posts that you feel you don't have a lot of experience in these matters. So you might want to consider the fact that you do need to learn something more about being a considerate lover. Some of the folks posting here seem to have a lot of experience in these matters. I would listen to their suggestions if I were you.

In fact, I'm thinking about following some of them, myself! Thanks, everyone!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, every time you update, you just look worse.

+1,000

+2,000

OP, go out today and buy a new edition of The Guide to Getting it On, then read it. With your wife. Each of you commits to getting through one chapter a week and then discussing or trying out new tricks/ideas/techniques on Fri/Sat night.

I bet you have no idea just how many things you haven't tried that might get your wife turned on...

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes i know what the clitoris is. I have touched everywhere. Some people can't get over the fact that some women don't like sex. However, I can use some of the suggestions to improve the experience for her and for me. Due to lack of real experience I'm sure i'm not a very good partner but at least I'm willing to ask and learn and try. DW is happy with status quo.

But after reading the other post about dozens of people that don't have sex at all, I'm feeling pretty good about what I have.

Some people don't like sex. They are very rare, though.

If your wife doesn't like sex with you, the most probable reason is that you aren't any good.

You say yourself that you lack experience and so does your wife. You and your wife need to educate yourselves about what to do. Read some books. Take a class. See a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Lots of great ideas. Thanks. I will certainly try some of them.

Wife has minor physical issues. Dryness is one of them. We should make the effort to lube more often, but she doesnt like it for some reason.
Can someone explain why? she would love more intimacy while watching tv or something so i will do that. It will help an hour later when we are in bed. The problem is that if I do that, I will want it right away, not 1 hour later.

We are both very much attracted to each other. So even bad sex feels great to me most of the time.

She was raised to think sex is bad. This is difficult to overcome. She is very quiet and submissive. I've gotten used to this. At this point, I prefer to be in charge. I do feel like I am masturbating with her as a prop sometimes. Sounds terrible but it's not so bad really. It is a compromise that works for us.

Another idea I like is to watch romantic porn together. She doesnt lke the regular porn that I've showed her. With kids in the house it is harder to execute some of these ideas.

She is busy with work, children, friends, and many other things. So she is often tired at night. I wish she would focus less on others and more on me. I could also be an ass and threaten her to try harder or I will look elsewhere. But I suppose that is an underlying threat in every marriage... Be better to me or else... But I am trying to compromise and not be a dictator.

OMG. So sad to me to know that men think this way.

You're not a dictator, just a dick.

SERIOUSLY. OP's wife has a full life with family, friends, work, etc. and a husband who she does actually have sex with (so it's not a sexless marriage), but the OP is sad that she won't pay enough attention to him and that she doesn't have sex the way he wants her to have sex, and has actually considered threatening to have an affair to get her to have sex with him the way he wants.

...while he also brags about how she lets him do whatever he wants.

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, every time you update, you just look worse.

+1,000

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes i know what the clitoris is. I have touched everywhere. Some people can't get over the fact that some women don't like sex. However, I can use some of the suggestions to improve the experience for her and for me. Due to lack of real experience I'm sure i'm not a very good partner but at least I'm willing to ask and learn and try. DW is happy with status quo.

But after reading the other post about dozens of people that don't have sex at all, I'm feeling pretty good about what I have.

Okay, now I see where you are coming from, OP. You don't know how to get her off and she doesn't know either. So you want to give your wife pleasure and you want the overall experience to be a good one for both of you? You need to do some research!
You need this book: http://www.amazon.com/Clit-ology-Master-G-Spot-Ultimate-Pleasure/dp/1592334865/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1386166171&sr=1-6&keywords=The+clitoris

And you need to watch some instructional videos on oral sex if she is willing to let you do it. You need to wake her up! Sex can be a wonderful thing for both of you. What you are doing sounds hellish to me. Why not put in the effort? She might refuse and then you do have a bigger problem but don't you think she wants to experience an orgasm? She must at least be curious. I know of one woman who had 17 sex partners and never had an orgasm until she met the right guy. He figured it out on the first try and then she wanted sex several times a day. It might be true that your wife is too hung up to ever enjoy sex but you owe it to yourselves to put in the effort.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Lots of great ideas. Thanks. I will certainly try some of them.

Wife has minor physical issues. Dryness is one of them. We should make the effort to lube more often, but she doesnt like it for some reason.
Can someone explain why? she would love more intimacy while watching tv or something so i will do that. It will help an hour later when we are in bed. The problem is that if I do that, I will want it right away, not 1 hour later.

We are both very much attracted to each other. So even bad sex feels great to me most of the time.

She was raised to think sex is bad. This is difficult to overcome. She is very quiet and submissive. I've gotten used to this. At this point, I prefer to be in charge. I do feel like I am masturbating with her as a prop sometimes. Sounds terrible but it's not so bad really. It is a compromise that works for us.

Another idea I like is to watch romantic porn together. She doesnt lke the regular porn that I've showed her. With kids in the house it is harder to execute some of these ideas.

She is busy with work, children, friends, and many other things. So she is often tired at night. I wish she would focus less on others and more on me. I could also be an ass and threaten her to try harder or I will look elsewhere. But I suppose that is an underlying threat in every marriage... Be better to me or else... But I am trying to compromise and not be a dictator.

OMG. So sad to me to know that men think this way.

You're not a dictator, just a dick.

OP, "Unique" might be too kind of a word to describe your sex life. But whatever...To each his own, I guess.

Anyway, I admire your ability to see the silver lining in a bleak situation, but honestly, you are settling for much less than you really desire. I am really sorry to hear this. I feel for both you and your wife.

I am sorry she suffered as a child and I think it is wonderful that you are being such an understanding + accommodating husband to her.

That being said, this is no way for either of you to live. Sex is a HUGE component in any marriage and it seems to me that you and your wife are both getting the short end of the stick.

Since you both do not want to seek professional help, have you thought perhaps about getting a book on the topic and maybe seeking help from that?

Honestly, I think you both deserve to at least try to find a way to improve your intimacy. You owe it to yourselves and your marriage.

If you choose to be in denial and lie to yourself everyday, telling yourself it is what it is and you will simply "go with the flow...", you are only depriving yourself of one of life's greatest pleasures. No wait a minute...Sex is life's greatest pleasure.

Hope this helps out somehow.
Good luck to you and your wife.

Op here. Yes i know what the clitoris is. I have touched everywhere. Some people can't get over the fact that some women don't like sex. However, I can use some of the suggestions to improve the experience for her and for me. Due to lack of real experience I'm sure i'm not a very good partner but at least I'm willing to ask and learn and try. DW is happy with status quo.

But after reading the other post about dozens of people that don't have sex at all, I'm feeling pretty good about what I have.

I don't enjoy sex with DH but have with most others; I used to love sex, now I do the minimum. He's just not very good, spends more time touching himself than getting me turned on and he doesnt look after his health. But I'm sure his side of the story would sound more like yours. I'm guessing you're a selfish lover. You said as much in your first post. At least my DH doesn't force himself on me and waits til I'm willing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see where OP specifically answered whether he is really working her clit. Doesn't sound like it.

OP get her a vibrator and use it on her. I hear good things about the Rabbit.

After reading all of OP's posts, I am beginning to wonder if he even knows what the clitoris is.

Doubt it.

He's a self-centered, entitled prick. He probably makes a lot of money, though, and feels like she owes it to him because he supports her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try this OP. Give your wife a full body massage. Then, when she is very relaxed, kiss and lick her all over her body. Not just her neck and nipples -- kiss and nibble everywhere: her inner thighs, her ears, her belly, the area between her breasts. Then give her oral sex until she has an orgasm. (There are plenty of instructional videos if you don't know how). If that doesn't make her come, try a vibrator. Then tuck her in and let her go to sleep. You owe her this. Do this every night and see if she learns to enjoy sex. She will get plenty of intimacy this way so don't worry that she might miss the intimacy of you climbing on top and painfully humping her.

Yes, do this. If your wife doesn't know how to enjoy sex, you need to help her learn.

I am not attracted to my husband. The idea of him doing this to me makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I don't want him anymore. I want a divorce. He doesn't want one. The kids don't want one. I'll give him a weekly blow job for the sake of keeping the peace, but I have zero interest in having sex with him.

That really isn't helpful. Maybe OP's wife doesn't hate him.

Maybe OP should ask his wife what she wants, instead of asking the Internet. Random suggestions are random.

Anonymous wrote:I don't see where OP specifically answered whether he is really working her clit. Doesn't sound like it.

OP get her a vibrator and use it on her. I hear good things about the Rabbit.

After reading all of OP's posts, I am beginning to wonder if he even knows what the clitoris is.

Anecdotes are not data. But I have a relevant anecdote. I was with my ex for 10 years and not a single orgasm. I found him attractive, he found me attractive, but it just did not happen.

The first time I was with DH, I came three times. It was a revelation. Sex can actually be fun! Prior to that, it was a chore.

DH is not some kind of sex god. He's actually probably pretty average in the sack, as am I. But he focused on making me feel good. He took the time and was slow and gentle and it worked. It was really as simple as that. My ex, for all his physical charms and even the good times we had together, never stopped thinking about himself in bed for two damn minutes.

More work for my DH? Sure, but he got laid a lot. Still does. He seems to think the tradeoff was worth it.

And, dryness isn't a problem when she's already had an orgasm.