Anonymous wrote:I felt like SHIT when I was pregnant. I think we had sex twice the entire time. I honestly didn't even want to be touched because even the slightest touch (especially in the first trimester) messed me up. I was so sick that I was literally crawling into bed at night and praying for sleep so I didn't feel like vomiting every single second of the day.
I am not abnormal to not want to screw when I was struggling just to get out of bed every day for 9 months.
My sex drive sucks since having my child. My husband hates it, and it has been a problem in our marriage, but I can't force myself to be in the mood. Some of it is being uncomfortable with my body (I have ALWAYS had body image problems, and now that I actually do have some flaws...), some of it is just the daily grind of life, and I'll admit it - my husband has let himself go and isn't physically attractive to me anymore. We had been trying for another baby for a couple years, so he was getting it at least a few times per month. But it was out of necessity...and apparently we can't get pregnant the normal way anymore, anyway. We're probably doing the deed once a week at best.
I have a friend who hasn't had sex with her husband since they were dating. I don't understand it, personally, but she seems OK with their relationship. In any other couple, I would say he was probably cheating, but this one? No way. Something is physically and/or mentally wrong with him when it comes to sex.
Anonymous wrote:There are so many people on this thread who are experts on what is normal. I had no idea Masters and Johnson were in our midst. I'm honored.
Normal is a continuum. Normal is not what you decide it to be because you believe a lot of sex is normal and healthy and right and good. Normal is widespread on the continuum and people who have sex a few times a year also fall on the continuum of normal.
I wonder why the "Masters and Johnsons" of this thread are trying so hard.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A year+ is not unusual - re pregnancy/birth of a new baby.
Life can throw you a curve ball - illness, operations, perhaps even disability. A couple has to be prepared for the possibility that bad things might happen ~ and not whine when they aren't getting enough, in the way they want.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL PEOPLE!!! NOT NORMAL AT ALL!!!
Go f- yourself. It may not be normal but it isn't fatal.
I don't need to fuck myself. I get to fuck my husband...you know, like normal regular fucking that husband and wife engage in a few times a week.
YOU ARE ABNORMAL IF YOU ARE GOING a year+ without sex. That is not even a marriage, that is a roommate.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks. I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.
We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable.
Why was SHE cool with that low level of frequency?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks. I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.
We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable.
So is it "duty" sex or does your wife activity participate?
More often than not, she gets into it once we get going. It just takes awhile to get her engine running. I'd love it if the mere sight of me made her quake with desire. But, I've come to terms with the fact that I have to be the one to get things started, and I have to do most of the foreplay to get things going. But, once I've done that, she comes on pretty strong.
. . .
It took a while to come to this understanding, though. DH is not an aggressive guy and his default had been to wait for me to show interest, then proceed. This was fine when we were in our 20s and had nothing to worry about but ourselves - I had so much less on my mind, then, and could spend an entire weekend lazing around our studio apartment showing interest. But the reality is different now, and we've found that a bit of assertiveness from DH really makes all the difference. It's more work for him than it used to be, but I think he finds it worthwhile.
Anonymous wrote:At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks. I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.
We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks. I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.
We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable.
So is it "duty" sex or does your wife activity participate?
More often than not, she gets into it once we get going. It just takes awhile to get her engine running. I'd love it if the mere sight of me made her quake with desire. But, I've come to terms with the fact that I have to be the one to get things started, and I have to do most of the foreplay to get things going. But, once I've done that, she comes on pretty strong.
AroundTheBlock wrote:Wife and I found out we were having a baby last Christmas day (yes, literally on Christmas day). We didn't have sex at all during her pregnancy. Since our baby was born 12 weeks ago we've had sex twice.
Basically, we've had sex twice in 12 months.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks. I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.
We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable.
So is it "duty" sex or does your wife activity participate?
Anonymous wrote:We had a sexless marriage for nearly 10 years. We got it back on track about 8 months ago. It is possible. But it took something drastic -- me almost cheating.