Anonymous wrote:OP, I am just curious. What do you do during the day? If you work outside the home, what is your profession? I assume you are hugely successful. From what colleges did you graduate? GPA? Honors graduate? Top of your class, right? You see where I'm going with this, OP? You must be flawless. Well, the world is not filled with perfect beings like you. Some of, God forbid, may have issues or learning disabilities. But, guess what? We may still be successful in life. You need to do a reality check and focus on what is good about your DD. She needs you to believe in her. It is not too late. In fact, middle school is a critical time for you help her build the confidence she will need later in life. I am a busy working professional but my 11 year old DD comes first. And, guess what? DD is ADHD and struggles with her reading and writing but she is good at so many things and has confidence a mile long. She is doing well in school with the right combination of accommodations. I do whatever is necessary to help her feel good about herself. She has been in Girl Scouts since she was 5. I can see her getting her Gold Award because she loves scouting and is dedicated to it. She is a wonderful competitive swimmer and basketball player. She loves sports and will try just about any sport. DD is very active and OP, I let her eat chips and other junk along with healthy foods. It's not the end of the world. She is a beautiful girl and I am not going to count every chip she eats. You need to get your priorities straight and ease up on DD. These years are critical. If you continue on the path you are on, you will lose her and she will resent her later in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am just curious. What do you do during the day? If you work outside the home, what is your profession? I assume you are hugely successful. From what colleges did you graduate? GPA? Honors graduate? Top of your class, right? You see where I'm going with this, OP? You must be flawless. Well, the world is not filled with perfect beings like you. Some of, God forbid, may have issues or learning disabilities. But, guess what? We may still be successful in life. You need to do a reality check and focus on what is good about your DD. She needs you to believe in her. It is not too late. In fact, middle school is a critical time for you help her build the confidence she will need later in life. I am a busy working professional but my 11 year old DD comes first. And, guess what? DD is ADHD and struggles with her reading and writing but she is good at so many things and has confidence a mile long. She is doing well in school with the right combination of accommodations. I do whatever is necessary to help her feel good about herself. She has been in Girl Scouts since she was 5. I can see her getting her Gold Award because she loves scouting and is dedicated to it. She is a wonderful competitive swimmer and basketball player. She loves sports and will try just about any sport. DD is very active and OP, I let her eat chips and other junk along with healthy foods. It's not the end of the world. She is a beautiful girl and I am not going to count every chip she eats. You need to get your priorities straight and ease up on DD. These years are critical. If you continue on the path you are on, you will lose her and she will resent her later in life.

Now YOU sound like a great mom. Hopefully OP will actually take this advice instead of being dismissive.

Anonymous wrote:Yes we do put a great deal of emphasis on academics-right or wrong. We live In a neighborhood with PhDs around every corner ( including my son, her older brother). One time while in a conference with her teacher I said "God forbid anybody be average in Bethesda" It got a big laugh or groan from all the other academics at the conference table.

When I floundered in school my father used to put me down with "Well we better get ready to send you to hair twisting school" meaning working in a beauty salon was what my future held and believe me that was not a compliment. He was dead by the time I got my MBA but it was something I was and am extremely proud of even if I was 28 when I got it. He was a grade A snob about class and education even though he certainly didn't come from anything other than blue collar stock. He was Army Colonel and I remember riding around on base and him pointing out certain women with remarks like "must be the wife of an enlisted man". See what I mean?

DH came from blue collar family and he was the first to go to college. He is Mensa member with two degrees obtained after the age of 35. Self made man if there ever was one so he too appreciate academics very much.

So in the context of our family background, our community and the standards we have set this dd's academic challenges are a shortcoming. I cringe to think how she will handle high school. If she doesn't at least do average work in high school the other kids will make her life miserable. Our high school has a rate of almost 99% going to college. The ironic thing is we moved here from the south for more diversity and opportunity in this community. If we had stayed in our Georgia community her academic struggles would have been right on par with everybody else and she wouldn't stand out as particularly challenged at all but then the other dd wouldn't get the enrichment opportunities she gets here. Oh well- it is what it is.

Girls have been home for awhile now. DD is outside playing with her friends (her best neighborhood GF is 6 which is another thread all together) while other DD is on the computer looking up Mesopotamia. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:So she did the household chore poorly. Should I have said good job?

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am just curious. What do you do during the day? If you work outside the home, what is your profession? I assume you are hugely successful. From what colleges did you graduate? GPA? Honors graduate? Top of your class, right? You see where I'm going with this, OP? You must be flawless. Well, the world is not filled with perfect beings like you. Some of, God forbid, may have issues or learning disabilities. But, guess what? We may still be successful in life. You need to do a reality check and focus on what is good about your DD. She needs you to believe in her. It is not too late. In fact, middle school is a critical time for you help her build the confidence she will need later in life. I am a busy working professional but my 11 year old DD comes first. And, guess what? DD is ADHD and struggles with her reading and writing but she is good at so many things and has confidence a mile long. She is doing well in school with the right combination of accommodations. I do whatever is necessary to help her feel good about herself. She has been in Girl Scouts since she was 5. I can see her getting her Gold Award because she loves scouting and is dedicated to it. She is a wonderful competitive swimmer and basketball player. She loves sports and will try just about any sport. DD is very active and OP, I let her eat chips and other junk along with healthy foods. It's not the end of the world. She is a beautiful girl and I am not going to count every chip she eats. You need to get your priorities straight and ease up on DD. These years are critical. If you continue on the path you are on, you will lose her and she will resent her later in life.

Anonymous wrote:So she did the household chore poorly. Should I have said good job?

Anonymous wrote:So she did the household chore poorly. Should I have said good job?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does enjoy praise, though. I am trying to find a good balance of discipline and praise. Just this morning the 4 of us did a deep kitchen cleaning. Her task was to move all the things off the counters and clean the kitchen counters. She announced she was through and when I looked she had not done a good job. So I thought a minute and decided I could do it myself but she wouldn't learn anything. No. So I called her in (she was watching a show on the computer when her sister-an earned privilege --reward). I told her I appreciated how she had a positive attitude and I knew it was a pain to unplug the mixer and toaster and other things to remove them from the counter and how the surface in front of the appliances was very clean. Then I had her wipe her finger where the toaster oven had been and especially where the waffle maker was and she was surprised to see how sticky those surfaces were. (I spray the waffle iron and didn't realize how much residue had accumulated). I told her that crumbs and dust stick to the counter if not washed and this could eventually get in our food and since we have 4 pets there is alot of "yuck" in the air) She got the cloth under hot water again and scrubbed till it wasn't sticky anymore. I then told her "Great- I have been a good teacher and you have been a great student".

She and her sister get lots of personal and together attention. DH is semi retired and spends more time with his children than the average working father. Walks, shopping, library trips, reading, game playing, errands, chores--we all do them together. And forget about movies. This is a child who cannot stand the sensory overload of a movie. Suspense puts her in a panic. She covers her ears in public toilets and at the beach. I think the child would go into a coma if she were to see a 3D movie. She won't even watch movies with us at home. She excuses herself. Only thing movie wise she will watch is Shawn the Sheep but only after we asked her to try and she could leave if it was too uncomfortable.

I think her main problems stem from her learning disabilities and we will need to learn further on how to deal with that.
Perhaps I will post in the special needs section.

OH MY GOD. Do you HEAR yourself?? You should have just said, "Great job, thank you." It ISN'T ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU BEING A GOOD TEACHER. Why would you even say that to her?????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does enjoy praise, though. I am trying to find a good balance of discipline and praise. Just this morning the 4 of us did a deep kitchen cleaning. Her task was to move all the things off the counters and clean the kitchen counters. She announced she was through and when I looked she had not done a good job. So I thought a minute and decided I could do it myself but she wouldn't learn anything. No. So I called her in (she was watching a show on the computer when her sister-an earned privilege --reward). I told her I appreciated how she had a positive attitude and I knew it was a pain to unplug the mixer and toaster and other things to remove them from the counter and how the surface in front of the appliances was very clean. Then I had her wipe her finger where the toaster oven had been and especially where the waffle maker was and she was surprised to see how sticky those surfaces were. (I spray the waffle iron and didn't realize how much residue had accumulated). I told her that crumbs and dust stick to the counter if not washed and this could eventually get in our food and since we have 4 pets there is alot of "yuck" in the air) She got the cloth under hot water again and scrubbed till it wasn't sticky anymore. I then told her "Great- I have been a good teacher and you have been a great student".

She and her sister get lots of personal and together attention. DH is semi retired and spends more time with his children than the average working father. Walks, shopping, library trips, reading, game playing, errands, chores--we all do them together. And forget about movies. This is a child who cannot stand the sensory overload of a movie. Suspense puts her in a panic. She covers her ears in public toilets and at the beach. I think the child would go into a coma if she were to see a 3D movie. She won't even watch movies with us at home. She excuses herself. Only thing movie wise she will watch is Shawn the Sheep but only after we asked her to try and she could leave if it was too uncomfortable.

I think her main problems stem from her learning disabilities and we will need to learn further on how to deal with that.
Perhaps I will post in the special needs section.

OH MY GOD. Do you HEAR yourself?? You should have just said, "Great job, thank you." It ISN'T ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU BEING A GOOD TEACHER. Why would you even say that to her?????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does enjoy praise, though. I am trying to find a good balance of discipline and praise. Just this morning the 4 of us did a deep kitchen cleaning. Her task was to move all the things off the counters and clean the kitchen counters. She announced she was through and when I looked she had not done a good job. So I thought a minute and decided I could do it myself but she wouldn't learn anything. No. So I called her in (she was watching a show on the computer when her sister-an earned privilege --reward). I told her I appreciated how she had a positive attitude and I knew it was a pain to unplug the mixer and toaster and other things to remove them from the counter and how the surface in front of the appliances was very clean. Then I had her wipe her finger where the toaster oven had been and especially where the waffle maker was and she was surprised to see how sticky those surfaces were. (I spray the waffle iron and didn't realize how much residue had accumulated). I told her that crumbs and dust stick to the counter if not washed and this could eventually get in our food and since we have 4 pets there is alot of "yuck" in the air) She got the cloth under hot water again and scrubbed till it wasn't sticky anymore. I then told her "Great- I have been a good teacher and you have been a great student".

She and her sister get lots of personal and together attention. DH is semi retired and spends more time with his children than the average working father. Walks, shopping, library trips, reading, game playing, errands, chores--we all do them together. And forget about movies. This is a child who cannot stand the sensory overload of a movie. Suspense puts her in a panic. She covers her ears in public toilets and at the beach. I think the child would go into a coma if she were to see a 3D movie. She won't even watch movies with us at home. She excuses herself. Only thing movie wise she will watch is Shawn the Sheep but only after we asked her to try and she could leave if it was too uncomfortable.

I think her main problems stem from her learning disabilities and we will need to learn further on how to deal with that.
Perhaps I will post in the special needs section.

OH MY GOD. Do you HEAR yourself?? You should have just said, "Great job, thank you." It ISN'T ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU BEING A GOOD TEACHER. Why would you even say that to her?????