Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We could not tell my mother back when I went into labor because she would drive everyone crazy and i was afraid she would negatively impact things. I had some issues during pregnancy and all she did was try to control the situation and intrude. After the baby was born we called her and there was no congratulations. Just an interrogation "Is it healthy? Is it delayed? Did it pass the apgar? Are you sure it's OK? Does it look normal?" It was actually rude. Then at the hospital when the baby was brought to us after being circumcised my mom hysterically asked the nurse "Is something wrong? He's not crying? Is he brain damaged?"

That's her grandson.

She thinks she’s going to have thought of those questions when the kid’s actual parents have not?

Why can't she ask them?

My grandmother was a worrier, my mother is a worrier, I am a worrier and my own children are worriers. It is a cycle and it is something you pass down.

At the same time, we all have learned to accept that about ourselves and we are also people who are well-prepared about everything. In that sense, worrying about things is bad only when you cannot take actions to mitigate it. We are careful people.

I see nothing wrong with what your mother said to you. Mainly because you are her child and she will naturally be concerned about you, especially since you had a miscarriage. So my advice to you is to make her concern a positive for you. Have contingencies in place for as many things that you can control, let other things slide.

Maybe do some prayers and meditations for peace of mind too. You can control your reactions.

I ended up giving birth at 32 weeks, partly due to stress at work, I believe. My son has lifelong issues from his premature birth.

So you REALLY need to take stress reduction seriously, OP. It has a measurable impact on your health, and your baby may be impacted as well.

That's all I came on here to say, because it's by far the most important thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We could not tell my mother back when I went into labor because she would drive everyone crazy and i was afraid she would negatively impact things. I had some issues during pregnancy and all she did was try to control the situation and intrude. After the baby was born we called her and there was no congratulations. Just an interrogation "Is it healthy? Is it delayed? Did it pass the apgar? Are you sure it's OK? Does it look normal?" It was actually rude. Then at the hospital when the baby was brought to us after being circumcised my mom hysterically asked the nurse "Is something wrong? He's not crying? Is he brain damaged?"

That's her grandson.

She thinks she’s going to have thought of those questions when the kid’s actual parents have not?

Anonymous wrote:We could not tell my mother back when I went into labor because she would drive everyone crazy and i was afraid she would negatively impact things. I had some issues during pregnancy and all she did was try to control the situation and intrude. After the baby was born we called her and there was no congratulations. Just an interrogation "Is it healthy? Is it delayed? Did it pass the apgar? Are you sure it's OK? Does it look normal?" It was actually rude. Then at the hospital when the baby was brought to us after being circumcised my mom hysterically asked the nurse "Is something wrong? He's not crying? Is he brain damaged?"

That's her grandson.

Anonymous wrote:I don't find that email upsetting. You were overworked and exhausted - and you have a young child and you are pregnant. She's your mom and she's concerned about her daughter.

I think this is more about your own anxiety and stress. You can't expect her to walk on eggshells around you, always worried that anything but positive enthusiasm is going to hurt you.

Find ways to manage your own anxiety.

+1 She loves you. What's she supposed to do, be like the PPs above and go, "Block my adult DD out because her life is NOT my problem and I am NOT going to let her looking tired and stressed out bother me. Nope, blocking that ALL OUT."

She's your mom. Of course she's concerned about you. Why don't you try sharing with her instead of blocking her out? You can post all that on an anonymous forum but you can't share it with your mother?

I get it, OP.

I don’t tell my mom lots of things because it will set off several texts and phone calls filled with worry and anxiety. Then if I don’t answer, there are more. It just adds so much stress to my life so better not to mention.