Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

There should be a compromise on both sides. That is what DH and I worked out. I have the higher libido and the rejection and all of that was starting to ruin our relationship. Give and take on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

If it's that horrible having sex with your spouse you need to divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh folks....it is a good thing for spouses to want to have sex with each other!! At least the person desires you and wants to have needs met inside the marrage. My goodness!! YOu don't want to fuck your DH and you dont want anyone else to fuck him either. That will work out great! LOL

Female here. After over 15 years of working on ways to mutually have our needs addressed (I was the high libido spouse, xH feel pressured because I wanted sex more than once a week), we separated. I simply wasn't able to continue to be monogamous, from age 42 until one of us died, with someone for whom sex is a pleasant 20 minutes, in one of two positions, per week. He now has a nice girlfriend who I'm sure is thrilled not to have to put out much. And although I miss him and our partnership sometimes, I'm deliriously happy to be free sexually. There really are people out there who like sex more than once or twice a week. If you're not married, hold out until you find someone who is well matched with you.

For many once or twice a week would be a dream come true! Many people are dealing with spouses who only want sex very, very infrequently and who otherwise reject intimacy with their spouse on a regular basis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's sexist but unfortunately true in my (admittedly limited) experience. Think about how many couples you know URL and posts you see on here where the problem is that the male half wants more sex and the female half would rather go to bed with a good book

I'm not exempting myself btw. We have the same issue. In my case though I make it a rule to initiate 2x a week because he gets too grumpy otherwise. But seriously, it's amazing to me what a difference it makes in his mood and how he treats me. I don't know whether I should be happy or depressed about it. (At least I have this effect on him? But if we couldn't gave sex for a long time for some reason, would our marriage be over?)

I vote for happy. Your effort to initiate 2x a week improves your husband's mood because he feels attractive and loved. Please don't assume that if you couldn't have sex for a long time that your marriage would suffer--your husband could very well deal with a situation outside your control (medical issue, personal grief, stress at work, etc.) that prevented you from being able to have sex. We're simple creatures, but we're not monsters.

I cannot find the original quote, but I did try this. However H "does not feel the passion" from me and it takes us nowhere...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you want but the physical connection is very important to a marriage. And if any person is constantly rebufed and rejected, thing go South in a hurry and resentment and anger just build up.

And what about the resentment and anger that build up when one spouse is constantly feeling pressured and having to do something they don't want to do?

No selective quoting please. You ignored my earlier comment in that post where I said there is a middle ground! And there is. You want to alleviate the pressure from the spouse. Make a promise and suggest a compromise. See, MOST reasonable people could deal with getting sex on the regular - even if that "regular" is once or twice a month. It is the uncertainly coupled with rejection that leads to resentment. If a DW told her DH "Honey, I am not going to have sex 3 times a week because of all we have going on with the kids, etc. But once or 2x a month, I am going to knock your socks off because you are still desirable and I want to stay connected." Most men and women I know could live with that.

Look at this way, your spouse finds you attractive and desirable. I have been married for a long time so I may be out of touch, but I did not realize people think that is a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh folks....it is a good thing for spouses to want to have sex with each other!! At least the person desires you and wants to have needs met inside the marrage. My goodness!! YOu don't want to fuck your DH and you dont want anyone else to fuck him either. That will work out great! LOL

Female here. After over 15 years of working on ways to mutually have our needs addressed (I was the high libido spouse, xH feel pressured because I wanted sex more than once a week), we separated. I simply wasn't able to continue to be monogamous, from age 42 until one of us died, with someone for whom sex is a pleasant 20 minutes, in one of two positions, per week. He now has a nice girlfriend who I'm sure is thrilled not to have to put out much. And although I miss him and our partnership sometimes, I'm deliriously happy to be free sexually. There really are people out there who like sex more than once or twice a week. If you're not married, hold out until you find someone who is well matched with you.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

My husband constantly badgers me about sex because of his high libido. Trust me, it isn't "fun".

Let's swap. You can stay home at my house every night and be celibate and watch my H drink and watch TV, and your H and I can have sex five times a week. Good deal all around, I say.

Sorry, that doesn't sound like "fun" either. Sounds to me like your marriage has bigger problems than just sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Why do people with a low libido feel morally superior?
head thump...

because their marriage could survive when one in no longer able to have sex.
their marriage is strong that sex isn't NEEDED to stay together.

The two couples i know that has constant sex both divorced. it was the only thing they had in common.

You are mixing apples and oranges. Not being able to have sex with your SO is FAR different than not wanting to have have sex with your SO. Not wanting to be intimate with your DH is a FAR deeper issue than sex. It is about romance, love, attentiveness and attraction. Wanting to be intimate with your spouse is not a weakness.

Those marriages you cite are not "strong" at all. Two people have settled for a sparkless and passionless marriage. They are roomates and companions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

wow, no self esteem

People with high libidos have no self esteem? Maybe you're just passionless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Why do people with a low libido feel morally superior?
head thump...

My H is proud that he's a "sexual camel." Same way about eating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

My husband constantly badgers me about sex because of his high libido. Trust me, it isn't "fun".

Let's swap. You can stay home at my house every night and be celibate and watch my H drink and watch TV, and your H and I can have sex five times a week. Good deal all around, I say.

Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.