Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

So then the option is to settle with an ass and raise kids with an ass? Nice. I'm sure you also give the same advice to women in an abusive relationship. Op, you know what you have to do. If you decide to stay because you don't think you can do better or because your clock is ticking or whatever reason, know that you made this bed so you have to lay in it. No coming back in a few years complaining about your husband who does nothing to help with the kids and is unsympathetic to your medical condition. You know what you are getting into and now you have to just accept that that will be your life if you choose to go on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Give back the ring and move on.

Yes, move on to glorious late 30s dating life. Tick-tock.

Give back the ring and move on.

This seems like yet another DCUM thread that would really benefit from the absent party's side of the story. Perhaps because I married into a different cultural background, my engagement and the first few years of my marriage involved a LOT of allegations back and forth that someone was being implicilty rude to someone else that turned out to be people having different expectations for social interactions.

PP here. A friend's soon to be ex was like this. Not quite rude. Just selfish, ignorant, stand-offish, couldn't be bothered to lower himself to speak to others in the same room. Guess where they are now? Getting a divorce. Turned out he treated her the same way, and their kids.

Clue in now OP. He is an ass.. best to get rid of him now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you with him if he can't show basic respect to another person?

It's not like he's rude rude exactly. He responds to questions. He just basically makes no effort whatsoever. Never initiates anything, never tries to help her, he will keep things that could help her put away rather then offer them. I always make a big effort for all of his friends. It's like he's acting like if he just keeps ignoring her she will go away. But we are extremely close (my mother and I) and it hurts my feelings when he acts like that. She's been nice to him time and again and he always acts the same way,

He IS rude!! If you and your mom are so close, why do you tolerate someone treating her like crap?

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to belabor it. I still think he will be a good dad but everyone's points are very well taken esp this is how he will treat me as time goes on, which I've already started to see. But at the same time no one, NO one is perfect. But yes it does make me really really angry and sad. Anyway, sorry. And thanks for everyone's advice.

Have you tried going to a counselor with him to talk about it?

Anonymous wrote:Attentive to you now and not to others you care about? In a few years that will translate to not attentive to you either, my friend. And don't think you can change him.

MAJOR red flag, OP. Either he is really a jerk or he has some kind of social disability like Asperger's, that will make life quite difficult for you (believe my own experience!).

Breaking off the engagement is WAY cheaper and less traumatic than divorcing him, especially if there are children and custody issues; or worse, living with him.

You've been warned!

+ 10,000

Dump this loser now!!

This is going to be really hard OP, but you have to ditch him. The PPers are all correct. This will translate to how he treats you eventually. You can do better, It will be hard to go but it will be harder in 10 years. He will not change. Good luck but please do not settle for this in your life.

Anonymous wrote:You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat people like waiters, pedestrians, the disabled. I would not stay with this person.

It is the only way. Everybody knows how to kiss up.

DHMFA.

And this is why I lack total sympathy for some women. If OP posts in a few years from now venting about how her husband is rude to her and doesn't help with the kids, I'll have zero sympathy. You knew what he was like going into it, and if you choose to marry him and have kids, you can't expect him to change. So either get out now or suck it up and probably have a miserable marriage and subject your kids to that.

Selfish.