Anonymous
10/25/2013 23:24
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
I'd be furious too. I think if he is the type of person who falls asleep easily (as does my DH), he needs to be cognizant of this problem and be sure to put your child to bed properly before he zones out. It is so dangerous for a toddler to be wandering around a house unsupervised. what if he went outside into the street?
Once, I was sleeping in and my DH got up to take care of our 1 year old and when I came up an hour later, our baby was crawling around and DH was snoring on the floor. I was super mad! it never happened again.
I would also be mad about the groceries. When I go to the store, I bring in the first few bags, but I have gotten into the routine of - I'll start putting this away; can you go get the rest of the stuff? I hate hauling in all the stuff from Costco after an already exhausting shopping trip AFTER a full day of work. He should have gotten up to help!
Once, I was sleeping in and my DH got up to take care of our 1 year old and when I came up an hour later, our baby was crawling around and DH was snoring on the floor. I was super mad! it never happened again.
I would also be mad about the groceries. When I go to the store, I bring in the first few bags, but I have gotten into the routine of - I'll start putting this away; can you go get the rest of the stuff? I hate hauling in all the stuff from Costco after an already exhausting shopping trip AFTER a full day of work. He should have gotten up to help!
Anonymous
10/25/2013 22:09
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Didn't read all the posts but just want to chime in. DH sounds like he really screwed up -- and maybe was really exhausted??
I agree that it would help to "treat him less as a child," as some PPs have said, but he also needs to take responsibility as a parent.
Personally, it sounds to me like DH has to be more involved on an everyday basis, not just when you go out once a month. He needs to be in charge of bedtime a few days a week so he knows what to expect and what to do. It's not okay to just fall asleep and plop the kid in your bed with the TV on. If he tried and tried and tried to get the kid to sleep but he refused, and after 1.5 hours he gave up and let him sit in the parents' bed, I could possibly understand it. But it doesn't sound like that!
My DH helps every single night. He is the one in charge of bedtime. I give a bath and do teeth-brushing, and then DH gets DS in his PJs, reads a book, and puts him to sleep. There is no reason why other fathers can't do this. It's a great chance to be with their children.
I agree that it would help to "treat him less as a child," as some PPs have said, but he also needs to take responsibility as a parent.
Personally, it sounds to me like DH has to be more involved on an everyday basis, not just when you go out once a month. He needs to be in charge of bedtime a few days a week so he knows what to expect and what to do. It's not okay to just fall asleep and plop the kid in your bed with the TV on. If he tried and tried and tried to get the kid to sleep but he refused, and after 1.5 hours he gave up and let him sit in the parents' bed, I could possibly understand it. But it doesn't sound like that!
My DH helps every single night. He is the one in charge of bedtime. I give a bath and do teeth-brushing, and then DH gets DS in his PJs, reads a book, and puts him to sleep. There is no reason why other fathers can't do this. It's a great chance to be with their children.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 14:06
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry OP. I got so pissed half way through your post that I had to click away and read something else and then come back to it.
So many fails:
-Not adhering to 9pm bedtime
-Not brushing his teeth
-Not changing his diaper
-Sleeping while the young child is awake and unattended
-Not helping you with groceries
-Not helping you get the child up and ready for daycare in the morning since he made the mistake and let the child stay up past bedtime
-Sleeping so that he can get up to enjoy a day of leisure activities while you were exhausted from hauling in the groceries the night before and trying to get a cranky child up and ready for daycare only to have to go and spend a long day at work.
What? I have no words. Try and take it easy today at work. I'm sure you're very tired.
OMG -- he's her husband, not her employee
I would be pissed, but I do stuff to piss my DH off too...
Pffft. These aren't "Honey Do" tasks, or anything like orders from a boss. Those are basic things that you just don't do when you are trying to be a decent human being. You don't get to bitch if your significant other expects you not to be a dick.
Did you go and slam the woman in the other thread who let her baby fall off the ottoman? Did that 'parenting fail' also make you so angry you had to take a break?
Um. What? I think you need to reread my post. Letting your child fall off the ottoman = OH SHIT moment that every parent has. Ignoring bedtime + leaving kid in soaking diaper + sleeping while toddler is awake and unattended and unrestrained + "I'm not going to help with the groceries because I have to get up early tomorrow for my personal recreational activity" = being a dick. It is known.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 14:03
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry OP. I got so pissed half way through your post that I had to click away and read something else and then come back to it.
So many fails:
-Not adhering to 9pm bedtime
-Not brushing his teeth
-Not changing his diaper
-Sleeping while the young child is awake and unattended
-Not helping you with groceries
-Not helping you get the child up and ready for daycare in the morning since he made the mistake and let the child stay up past bedtime
-Sleeping so that he can get up to enjoy a day of leisure activities while you were exhausted from hauling in the groceries the night before and trying to get a cranky child up and ready for daycare only to have to go and spend a long day at work.
What? I have no words. Try and take it easy today at work. I'm sure you're very tired.
OMG -- he's her husband, not her employee
I would be pissed, but I do stuff to piss my DH off too...
Pffft. These aren't "Honey Do" tasks, or anything like orders from a boss. Those are basic things that you just don't do when you are trying to be a decent human being. You don't get to bitch if your significant other expects you not to be a dick.
Did you go and slam the woman in the other thread who let her baby fall off the ottoman? Did that 'parenting fail' also make you so angry you had to take a break?
Anonymous
10/25/2013 14:00
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the off-topic questions, but hunting deer every morning doesn't sound right. How many deer has he gotten? You can get a lot of meat from one deer, so it seems weird that he would go every morning. Also, can you even do that? I'm from the midwest and there's a two-week window (usually later in November) where you can hunt. Does he bow hunt?
Well, he doesn't get a deer every time he goes. He's gotten 2 so far this year. He hunts in Maryland (at a friend's farm which is only a 30 minute drive - this is where he goes in the mornings). We also have 40 acres in West Virginia that he goes to on some weekends to hunt. He does everything - rifle, bow, black powder, and he hunts deer, goose and duck. Bear too, but has never gotten a bear so far. I think right now he is bow hunting in Maryland. He said on Monday that he saw a 12 point buck, but didn't get a shot at him. He's been going back every morning, obsessed with getting that 12 pointer.
One of the previous pps here. Ok I take back my earlier comment about their possibly being another woman. Sounds like he's definately hunting.
My DH has an unhealthy obsession w video games. So Id imagine it's the same w your DH but his vice is hunting.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:59
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry OP. I got so pissed half way through your post that I had to click away and read something else and then come back to it.
So many fails:
-Not adhering to 9pm bedtime
-Not brushing his teeth
-Not changing his diaper
-Sleeping while the young child is awake and unattended
-Not helping you with groceries
-Not helping you get the child up and ready for daycare in the morning since he made the mistake and let the child stay up past bedtime
-Sleeping so that he can get up to enjoy a day of leisure activities while you were exhausted from hauling in the groceries the night before and trying to get a cranky child up and ready for daycare only to have to go and spend a long day at work.
What? I have no words. Try and take it easy today at work. I'm sure you're very tired.
OMG -- he's her husband, not her employee
I would be pissed, but I do stuff to piss my DH off too...
Pffft. These aren't "Honey Do" tasks, or anything like orders from a boss. Those are basic things that you just don't do when you are trying to be a decent human being. You don't get to bitch if your significant other expects you not to be a dick.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:56
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry OP. I got so pissed half way through your post that I had to click away and read something else and then come back to it.
So many fails:
-Not adhering to 9pm bedtime
-Not brushing his teeth
-Not changing his diaper
-Sleeping while the young child is awake and unattended
-Not helping you with groceries
-Not helping you get the child up and ready for daycare in the morning since he made the mistake and let the child stay up past bedtime
-Sleeping so that he can get up to enjoy a day of leisure activities while you were exhausted from hauling in the groceries the night before and trying to get a cranky child up and ready for daycare only to have to go and spend a long day at work.
What? I have no words. Try and take it easy today at work. I'm sure you're very tired.
OMG -- he's her husband, not her employee
I would be pissed, but I do stuff to piss my DH off too...
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:46
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Wait one minute. You decided to get pregnant, then you had long discussions about what you expected of him. How much buy-in did you get from him? It sounds as if you set yourself up as the kid expert even before birth.
It's an ass-clown thing to take it out on the kid, but when you treat someone like a child, you often provoke yet more childish behaviour.
Where did she say he didn't want to get pregnant? I had these same long conversations with my DH. He was the one who really wanted children, and I was ambivalent because I did not want to do all the drudge work, which I had a much better idea about than he did. We agreed before #1 came that we would both be doing all the work together. I didn't see this as "treating him like a child." It was "protecting my interests."
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:22
Subject: Re:Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:And then you decided to get pregnant again? Yikes...
That wasn't the OP. That was someone else. OP says she probably will not have another child.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:21
Subject: Re:Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
And then you decided to get pregnant again? Yikes...
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:21
Subject: Re:Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
This reads like a sequel to Deliverance.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 13:17
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Wait one minute. You decided to get pregnant, then you had long discussions about what you expected of him. How much buy-in did you get from him? It sounds as if you set yourself up as the kid expert even before birth.
It's an ass-clown thing to take it out on the kid, but when you treat someone like a child, you often provoke yet more childish behaviour.
It's an ass-clown thing to take it out on the kid, but when you treat someone like a child, you often provoke yet more childish behaviour.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 11:52
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Op here, I'm going to really push for counseling. Thank you to everyone. I hope we can work through this. I really don't want to end up divorced. I really want to make this marriage work. I've been divorced before, but luckily there were no children involved.
I would not have let DH sleep when I got home. Why didn't you wake him up to help get the groceries from the street parked car? He sounds like a complete ass. He doesn't even work full time. What a loser.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 11:48
Subject: Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Yikes. I would go ballistic.
Anonymous
10/25/2013 11:07
Subject: Re:Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think your husband is a complete asshole and I would be furious.
It's one thing to have issues between the two of you, but what kind of grown man doesn't get it together to take care of a child and leaves him sitting in a dirty diaper to watch TV while he falls asleep?
Pathetic and unacceptable.
If your husband can't or refuses to recognize what a big deal this is and agree to make some changes, then I think you've got a bigger issue to deal with. I could not stay married to a person like this. Do you have ANY respect for him?
Honesly, I don't have much respect for him anymore. I fear though, if I divorce, he will be neglectful like this during the times he has DS, and something bad will happen to DS. Everything I start thinking about divorce, I can't help thinking about that.
My advice...don't have a second child. (Please, please, please.) Wait until your DS is old enough to somewhat fend for himself. By the time he's 5ish, he will at least be able to reliably tend to his physical needs and speak up for himself a bit more. Then you leave your husband.
Thanks, I'm 40, so another child is probably out of the question anyway. That's sound advice though. I'd feel more comfortable with the divorce situation if DS was old enough to take care of himself more, if H is neglectful.
Good luck.