Anonymous wrote:Pfft.

No more trips to Vegas with the boys for him. A smack on the back of the head for the rest of it. He's an idiot, but he didn't mean anything by it. It's only a threat to the marriage if you decided to make it one. Tell him if he does it again, his ass is out the door. Then let it go.

Monogamy is hard. This is not a serious slip-up.

I'm a woman, BTW, and I've been married 20 years, as of last month.

Pfft.

No more trips to Vegas with the boys for him. A smack on the back of the head for the rest of it. He's an idiot, but he didn't mean anything by it. It's only a threat to the marriage if you decided to make it one. Tell him if he does it again, his ass is out the door. Then let it go.

Monogamy is hard. This is not a serious slip-up.

OP, try to forgive him. If he's dumb enough to admit this to you, he doesn't sound like the sort who has the know-how to carry out this type of extra curicular activities behind your back. I think in the long run, you'll be fine with him. Just put him in the dog house for a bit and move on.

Signed,
A DH who HAS the know-how.

Anonymous wrote:Not to be extreme, but your husband ruined the martial bond for good. There is no way you and him will ever recapture what you both had before.

You will NEVER trust him EVER again and the hurt, anger + betrayal will only fester over the years.

This is from someone who was cheated on.
It doesn't happen overnight, but eventually you get to that point where you cannot stand the sight of him any longer. He just makes you ill.....

This is one of the hardest things that married couples deal with *IF* some cheats.

I use the term naively trusting. My partner could cheat and is very flirtatious. Its how he is. I accept that he does not and do not go around looking for proof that he is. I trust him even if there are signals that I should not. This is not based on logic this is based on an incredible level of trust that is almost naive.

In the situation of the OP that trust has been proven wrong. However if the marriage is going to be salvaged she has to regain it. She has to be willing to, despite all logic, be naively trusting. The road to salvaging the marriage begins with her. No its not fair - her husband cheated and the hardest part of saving the marriage falls on her.

However her husband has to accept that he has broken the trust and does not deserve it. That means nothing that even looks like it could be an indiscretion or an opportunity. No more weekends away with the boys, no more trips to Vegas, etc. No more little meaningless flirtations at work because he has to recognize his own actions and what they have cost.

Unless they are both willing to totally commit to saving the relationship it cannot be. Is it fair to the person who was cheated on? Of course not. That is why it is such a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the most benign sort of cheating a man can do. Sleazy, but there's no threat to your relationship. He fessed up and is really sorry. It was one time. He wore a condom. Get past it.

Feminism has created a delusion that male cheating is like female cheating. Male cheating is not really a big deal because it doesn't need to affect the relationship; it's usually just for sex. Men's job is to provide for the family. If he's doing that, a little sex on the side is no big deal. It doesn't affect his love for wife and kids.

Female cheating, on the other hand, is the ultimate betrayal. First, there the risk of paternity fraud. And women are the gatekeepers of morality. The woman teaching your kids right from wrong can't be sleeping around and literally letting other men inside of her. That's nasty and a testament to her character.

American Taliban.

Or not American ... just Taliban.

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

This is the dumbest shit I've seen posted in a long time. Just because he confessed, doesn't mean it was his first indiscretion. He took vows, and he broke them, and he put her health at risk. I am not saying she should divorce him, but she certainly should weigh all of her options. And btw, I don't believe he was separated from his friends.

Anonymous wrote:This is the most benign sort of cheating a man can do. Sleazy, but there's no threat to your relationship. He fessed up and is really sorry. It was one time. He wore a condom. Get past it.

Feminism has created a delusion that male cheating is like female cheating. Male cheating is not really a big deal because it doesn't need to affect the relationship; it's usually just for sex. Men's job is to provide for the family. If he's doing that, a little sex on the side is no big deal. It doesn't affect his love for wife and kids.

Female cheating, on the other hand, is the ultimate betrayal. First, there the risk of paternity fraud. And women are the gatekeepers of morality. The woman teaching your kids right from wrong can't be sleeping around and literally letting other men inside of her. That's nasty and a testament to her character.

American Taliban.

I must be the only guy posting here. I am not defending the actions of OP's H. What I will say is that he had no emotional connection with the woman, and you do not have to worry about her coming back (fatal attraction). I know that when I get horny, my judgement goes to sh*t.

I paid for sexual activities in a club in Hawaii while married. I had not seen my wife in a few weeks, the woman knew how to get a guy turned on, I did not think of the implications, and was happy to have the release...and she sold me a hand job. I now know not to put myself in that position. (I am weak when I am horny).

There was no emotional component for him. Does not forgive him. And the risk of disease is real. HIV and others. He can't give blood now (sex with a prostitute)....You can do what you want, but I would say no to intercourse not because you are withholding sex but safety. You need to wait 6 months to be confident of an aids test. Fortunately for you, man going down on a woman will not transmit aids.

Counseling is always a good idea -- no downside (other than money).

Anonymous wrote:This is the most benign sort of cheating a man can do. Sleazy, but there's no threat to your relationship. He fessed up and is really sorry. It was one time. He wore a condom. Get past it.

Feminism has created a delusion that male cheating is like female cheating. Male cheating is not really a big deal because it doesn't need to affect the relationship; it's usually just for sex. Men's job is to provide for the family. If he's doing that, a little sex on the side is no big deal. It doesn't affect his love for wife and kids.

Female cheating, on the other hand, is the ultimate betrayal. First, there the risk of paternity fraud. And women are the gatekeepers of morality. The woman teaching your kids right from wrong can't be sleeping around and literally letting other men inside of her. That's nasty and a testament to her character.

This would be hilarious if written in jest; however, I think you're serious so it's just very sad. Read what you've written and see how ridiculous it is.

^^ Wrong.

This is the most benign sort of cheating a man can do. Sleazy, but there's no threat to your relationship. He fessed up and is really sorry. It was one time. He wore a condom. Get past it.

Feminism has created a delusion that male cheating is like female cheating. Male cheating is not really a big deal because it doesn't need to affect the relationship; it's usually just for sex. Men's job is to provide for the family. If he's doing that, a little sex on the side is no big deal. It doesn't affect his love for wife and kids.

Female cheating, on the other hand, is the ultimate betrayal. First, there the risk of paternity fraud. And women are the gatekeepers of morality. The woman teaching your kids right from wrong can't be sleeping around and literally letting other men inside of her. That's nasty and a testament to her character.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would just forget about it and not bring it up. It's apparent he feels horrible about it. Just make sure he tests again for stds in two months or so, just to be sure

This. It was one mess-up, not some full-scale affair. He's not sneaking around with the woman, seeking out some relationship, etc. He just got too drunk and did something stupid. Yes, he shouldn't have gotten that drunk, but he's not used to drinking that much either.

Forgive him and move on.

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

+1

Anonymous wrote:With all the posts about HIV please realize the actual transmission rate is quite low (research before you flame me) and he used a condom. While the OP should be careful and use a condom this is not "he probably has HIV" territory.

There is no proof that he used a condom.

Not to be extreme, but your husband ruined the martial bond for good. There is no way you and him will ever recapture what you both had before.

You will NEVER trust him EVER again and the hurt, anger + betrayal will only fester over the years.

This is from someone who was cheated on.
It doesn't happen overnight, but eventually you get to that point where you cannot stand the sight of him any longer. He just makes you ill.....