Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:16     Subject: Re:Yom Kippur Birthday Party
If the situation were reversed and 75% of the kids in the class were Jewish, I doubt anyone would be up in arms about a children's birthday party invite during a Christian, Muslim, or any other religion's holiday. Its simple, if you can't go, politely decline and move on. Its just a children's party. Kids have to learn sometimes that our family and religious obligations outweigh birthday celebrations.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:04     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:Okay. So, you are Jewish and you were invited to a birthday party on Yom Kippur. You know you can't attend, so why haven't you RSVP'd?! We accidentally scheduled DC's party on Yom Kippur this year and would change it except it's the only date that works all month and the grandparents have already booked tickets and hotels. We invited 8 kids and haven't heard back from five, four of whom are Jewish. Are you so completely offended that I made this innocent mistake that you refuse to RSVP? Also, I didn't know two of the families were Jewish until this incident--they go to our church-based preschool, never mentioned temple, seemed very into the Christmas celebration at school, and even came to the Easter service.

Incidentally, we saw two of the families last week in person, and I mentioned to both that I was sorry to have scheduled the party on the holiday--didn't realize it was so early this year, etc. They both said they were pretty sure they would come and it wasn't a big deal, but they need to figure out when they're going to Temple. They still haven't RSVPd, and I can't tell if they were just trying to be polite when they said it wasn't a big deal.

You can be sure we will never make the mistake again!


OP here. Jews, alas, have no special immunity to lack of RSVP rudeness

However, I would give it more time. Like I mentioned, our daughters party is the day after Yom Kippur, and I've gotton 2 RSVPs out of 6. (And one was in response to our negative RSVP for the Saturday party) I'm not going to contact people for at least another week. Hadn't thought two about it yet.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:16     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:Okay. So, you are Jewish and you were invited to a birthday party on Yom Kippur. You know you can't attend, so why haven't you RSVP'd?! We accidentally scheduled DC's party on Yom Kippur this year and would change it except it's the only date that works all month and the grandparents have already booked tickets and hotels. We invited 8 kids and haven't heard back from five, four of whom are Jewish. Are you so completely offended that I made this innocent mistake that you refuse to RSVP? Also, I didn't know two of the families were Jewish until this incident--they go to our church-based preschool, never mentioned temple, seemed very into the Christmas celebration at school, and even came to the Easter service.

Incidentally, we saw two of the families last week in person, and I mentioned to both that I was sorry to have scheduled the party on the holiday--didn't realize it was so early this year, etc. They both said they were pretty sure they would come and it wasn't a big deal, but they need to figure out when they're going to Temple. They still haven't RSVPd, and I can't tell if they were just trying to be polite when they said it wasn't a big deal.

You can be sure we will never make the mistake again!


It's plain and simple a lack of awareness.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:14     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:It wouldn't upset me. And it depends on timing. I wouldn't go more because it is Sunday vs Easter, because I don't "schedule" is on Sundays usually. It is family day/downtime/catch up time.

Just assume positive intent and don't take imagined offense from a PARTY INVITATION. The father is Jewush and didn't register an objection. Maybe he figures others wouldn't as well.


I wouldn't go by the father. After all, Judaism is not important to him. If it were, he would have married someone Jewish. He is the last person's opinion someone should go by.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:12     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
you have 2 weeks + until the date. They'll RSVP. and if not, don't invite them again. It's not a wedding, it's a kids birthday party. It doesn't take that much to add a kid, especially if it's 6 or 7 kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:12     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.


Actually, it's Easter for them. Good Friday is the holiest day for Lutherans.


Good Friday and Easter are both part of Holy Week; for Catholics (and Episcopalians, and as lutherans, as far as I understand), they are all important days of observance. Good Friday is the most somber day, and most analogous to Yom Kippur.

If I were still a practicing Catholic, or my husband were still a practicing Jew, I would not send my kid to a party on either day. If a large part of the class is Jewish (and observant), I think it's a little insensitive to basically exclude those children from the party if they will be involved in High Holiday services.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 08:42     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Okay. So, you are Jewish and you were invited to a birthday party on Yom Kippur. You know you can't attend, so why haven't you RSVP'd?! We accidentally scheduled DC's party on Yom Kippur this year and would change it except it's the only date that works all month and the grandparents have already booked tickets and hotels. We invited 8 kids and haven't heard back from five, four of whom are Jewish. Are you so completely offended that I made this innocent mistake that you refuse to RSVP? Also, I didn't know two of the families were Jewish until this incident--they go to our church-based preschool, never mentioned temple, seemed very into the Christmas celebration at school, and even came to the Easter service.

Incidentally, we saw two of the families last week in person, and I mentioned to both that I was sorry to have scheduled the party on the holiday--didn't realize it was so early this year, etc. They both said they were pretty sure they would come and it wasn't a big deal, but they need to figure out when they're going to Temple. They still haven't RSVPd, and I can't tell if they were just trying to be polite when they said it wasn't a big deal.

You can be sure we will never make the mistake again!
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 08:27     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.


Actually, it's Easter for them. Good Friday is the holiest day for Lutherans.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 07:17     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
It wouldn't upset me. And it depends on timing. I wouldn't go more because it is Sunday vs Easter, because I don't "schedule" is on Sundays usually. It is family day/downtime/catch up time.

Just assume positive intent and don't take imagined offense from a PARTY INVITATION. The father is Jewush and didn't register an objection. Maybe he figures others wouldn't as well.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 07:04     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.


Easter is the holiest day of the year for Christians. (As I understand it. I'm not a Christian.)


I'm not Christian either, but that is what I always thought. They reflected on his death and how they are all saved. Would the Christians be upset with an Easter birthday party?
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 07:02     Subject: Re:Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Someone else's birthday isn't about you, OP.

While I am not Jewish, a LOT of my friends are and I tend to be conscious of the major Jewish holidays. But there are also some times when despite that knowledge I have no choice but to schedule something on a Jewish holiday, because of some other factor that was important and just couldn't be scheduled any other way. Sorry about that. I understand that you may not be able to attend, but thought it would be more rude to not include your child than to include you, let you decide how important that holiday was for you, and let you accept or politely inclined. If you would prefer that we exclude your child from future invitations if we think you might be unavailable, we can do so.



Substitute the word "Christian" and then instead of Yom Kippur say the holiday is Christmas. The briskly, let's generously call it matter-of-fact tone likely would not apply then. Scheduling a part on THE main Jewish holiday is a faux pas if some of your invitees are Jewish.


Except that everyone knows Christmas is the major Christian holiday, but I suspect few non-Jews know the ranking of Yom Kippur. Have some perspective.


You must not get out of your small Virginia suburb much. It's ok, but grow ups are talking now.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 05:33     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.


Easter is the holiest day of the year for Christians. (As I understand it. I'm not a Christian.)
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 00:43     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
I'm a Jew by conversion, and I grew up in an area where there were very few Jewish families and I only kinda knew two Jewish kids. Had I not studied and converted to Judaism myself, I truly might not have known or understood the significance of Yom Kippur, or thought to make sure to avoid it, even as an adult. It's not that I don't care, but that things like that just tend to escape me. Way back when I nearly planned our wedding for Nov 1, which would have made the rehersal dinner on Halloween, which would have meant anyone with kids really couldn't attend. Whoops; glad someone clued me in to that before I booked everything!

Anyway, I think I'd assume that the party planner simply didn't realize - because I would have been that person.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 00:21     Subject: Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2013 23:19     Subject: Re:Yom Kippur Birthday Party
Anonymous wrote:
Except that everyone knows Christmas is the major Christian holiday, but I suspect few non-Jews know the ranking of Yom Kippur. Have some perspective.


I am amazed that educated people do not know this.