Anonymous wrote:My looks range from frumpy to decent looking depending my my hair styling, whether I am wearing a skirt, etc. it is frustrating how much nicer men, including male coworkers are to me when I wear a skirt and straighten my hair.

This is me, too. It's amazing (and sad) how much difference a blow out makes in my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what makes you think you are ugly? At what age do you look at yourself and admit/realize you are ugly and just accept it if there is such a thing?

If you have to ask, you really can't understand.

I insist that ugliness is rare and usually caused by some sort of condition or trauma.

Someone please show me an appallingly unattractive person who is healthy and not traumatized. I simply want to see what people are talking about. I'm no beauty myself, but some PPs made me feel very sad for them and the shitty people who apparently surround them!

If you drop something while walking down the street no one will help you. If you are pretty people will sramble to beat you to the ground.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My looks range from frumpy to decent looking depending my my hair styling, whether I am wearing a skirt, etc. it is frustrating how much nicer men, including male coworkers are to me when I wear a skirt and straighten my hair.

I honestly don't think this is gender specific. I'm sure if an experiment was done, regular men would be treated differently when they wore tailored suits and had a good haircut vs scraggly, messy hair and messy clothes.

DH swears he is treated differently depending on how much he weighs I never picked up on it, but I take his word for it. He's clothing is typically in the same style, so it's not that.

Ugly women are overrepresented in the legal profession, esp. in govt jobs. It's not an impediment, though.

Anonymous wrote:"There are no ugly women, only lazy women."

--Helena Rubenstein

Oh, just read this after I posted my comment. I absolutely agree.

My cousin brother and I, were in the same college during our undergraduate years. He was a popular guy with girls. One day he came to meet me in my dorm and knowing that it was my cousin brother who I was meeting, I did not bother to change from my ratty clothes, or brush my hair (or even my teeth).

He told me that I looked terrible. I was pretty annoyed and said that why should women be held to standards of beauty? Beauty is a genetic lottery and no one has any control over it...etc, etc.

He looked at me and told me - "There are only two kinds of women in the world - beautiful women and lazy women".

I will never forget that, and I think he was right. Women can change how they look by better grooming, clothes, makeup, hairstyle etc. We know how different even the film stars look without makeup. The excuse of being ugly does not fly. All women are either beautiful or lazy.

Anonymous wrote:Ugly 35 year old woman here. I agree with PPs regarding the attitude of men - all my life I've had men act strangely/awkwardly toward me because they don't want to be mistaken for having any interest in me whatsoever. It's sad; the only real male friends I've ever had have been the boyfriends/husbands of my friends - because it's already assumed there that they won't have any interest in me, so they can just behave normally toward me.

The thing that bothers me most as an adult is not being invisible (I actually like that), but being discounted in the professional realm. That seems to be the default position when I first interact with someone. Usually, though, once they get to know me our interactions are very positive and their approach toward me very different.

At least I'm no longer fat (I was morbidly obese for my entire adult life until 2 years ago). Being ugly AND fat was tough, and I would sometimes get negative comments from perfect strangers. I think that's why I'm fine with being invisible now; it's such a relief to just blend into the crowd.

All fat people are ugly, just different degrees.

Interesting, I generally assume less attractive people are less shallow and more intelligent. I'm an attractive woman by all accounts and actually gravitate toward the "ugly," though I've never seen it as "ugly."

I watch my high school students a lot, and I notice that, as freshmen, the less attractive girls are still outgoing and seem optimistic about gaining the attention of boys they "like"; they will strike up conversations more readily with classmates of both sexes. By senior year, the pretty girls are still outgoing with both genders, but the less attractive girls no longer seem so comfortable addressing the pretty girls OR boys. The less attractive girls are significantly less outgoing by the end of high school.

They get trolled on DCUM.

I am wondering how self described "ugly" people feel about non-attractive people who *think* they are prettier than they are.

Some people get fawned over, and they are just not pretty.

CindyBindy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen plenty of "ugly" married people. To think that low self esteem doesn't impact how others see you is just putting yourself at a disadvantage. i wish there was a way to post a picture. I bet you are not as unattractive as you think.

But projecting self-confidence isn't just a choice like getting a new haircut. It's a personality trait. If you are normal-looking, then you can be shy, acerbic, outgoing, ditzy, pesimistic or assertive and plenty of people will take time to get to know you and appreciate who you are. If you are unattractive, you have to have natural charisma to overcome your appearance. People will not overlook an introverted personality or a snarky comment from an ugly girl, because we are obviously not worth getting to know. We get exactly 1 strike against us.

True, but if you fit the conventional definition of "pretty" and yet are either introverted or have a bitchy attitude, then you won't attract quality people into your life. You'll just attract assholes who are prepared to deal with your bad attitude/introverted-ness/low self-esteem for as long as it takes to get what they want from you - be it sex or something else. They aren't going to respect you more, or genuinely like you, just because you are "pretty". And if they do, it would probably be because they have serious self-esteem issues of their own.

+1

Pretty is as pretty does.

I read through the first page. I am surprised at how many times the question is asked, "How do you know you are ugly?"
Well my pretty to average ones, while you were busy being praised, we were being punished. Told to our faces we were ugly.
That is how we know.
We have been told this and not by a one-off cruel jerk but by many people from child to teen to adult. In my case in the last year of high school I became invisible and stopped being actively insulted.
Finally I could breathe a little. At work, I am certain I am judged by looks at first, though I dress up to date and yes that makes a difference,
I have worked with a man for ten years who went from being rude to me at first, though flirty with young pretty women, to now acting like a brother
And dude friend. Though he has never complimented my looks, he does call me witty and says I make his job easier. I feel 95.88% certain - made up statistics ha,
He would want to ask me out if I were prettier. I have lived with this, I will die with this, and now I learn with this. I learn, every now and then some
Immature stranger calls me ugly and it hurts because it brings me back to the bad years. If I can't be seen as pretty, at least see me as deserving of
Good life, free from taunts free to find happiness and move forward. I am stronger than most pretty people who have been accepted. To me that strength and that deeper understanding is beauty.

"There are no ugly women, only lazy women."

--Helena Rubenstein