Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 23:47     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:The first night home from the hospital will be the worst. You will probably not sleep longer than 15 minutes because your milk won't have come in yet and your baby will want to nurse nearly continuously and may not want to be laid down. It will SUCK. (Unless your formula feed from the get-go, then you'll get a couple hours of broken sleep.)

Around day 2 or 3 at home your milk will come in. It will surprise you. You will become engorged and it will FUCKING HURT. Nursing will help or if you're not nursing you'll just have to tough it out til your body figures out you're not using the milk and stops producing.

Once your baby gets some food in them, they will begin to sleep a lot. Given how little they have slept thus far, this will freak you out and you will attempt to stay awake to monitor them because you're freaked out something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. DO NOT STAY AWAKE STARING AT THEM. SLEEP.

Your hormones will be out of whack. Something that would never have even hit your radar before will make you begin to uncontrollably sob on the couch as you watch the news. You will look at your new baby and cry. You will look at your husband, realize he will one day die, and cry. For me, this happened over watching coverage of Ted Kennedy's funeral. (Keep in mind, I normally do not give two shots about Ted Kennedy.) You will feel like you're in the movie "Girl, Interrupted." This too is normal.

The hardest part will be reconciling yourself with your new identity. The second that baby is born, you are no longer Jessica. Or Megan or Lisa or whatever your name is. You are AIDEN'S MOM. It's very weird to suddenly be a mom. It fucks with your head. It will take some time to adjust to. Just accept for the time being that it is weird but soon won't be.

Your baby will change almost daily. You will go through about 12 diapers a day some days. You will get actual baby poop on your hand and want to cry. You will get spit up on and want to gag. You will fall in love with your baby and after the 4 weeks are up wonder how the longest month of your life manged to go so fast.


This is EXACTLY how I felt. Oh and about 6 months pp I wanted another one.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 23:30     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Great advice, PP!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 23:25     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:I am a 35 yr old FTM...due in november with a little boy.

My husband will be home for the first 2 weeks with me and I'm taking 16 weeks off. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night to pee and can barely get back to bed fast enough - I'm so tired.

How will I do it those first few weeks when I'm nursing every hour/few hours?

Please tell me a little bit about the first 4 weeks...anything you wish someone had told you?

What advice and tips besides "get your sleep now" can you offer all the expectant FTM's on this forum?


In looking over these responses, my advice is this:

Your experiences could be so completely different from what you're reading here, so take everything here with a grain of salt. I feel like I was frequently told "it's so hard," but it turned out that the really hard parts for me were not what I was expecting. For example, sleep deprivation was nothing to me. I just slept and woke at odd times throughout the day night, and had no ill effects from it. And my first night home was a breeze...it got more difficult as we went along. But breastfeeding, that was hard.

Breastfeeding "every 2 hours," means two hours FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST FEEDING. So if you start nursing at 2pm, the next feeding will be at 4pm. I had a horrible time with nursing, latching, supply, so each feeding could take 1.5 hours (latching, nursing, rocking back to sleep, then pumping). That was rough, not having enough time to shower and/or make a meal and eat it...and repeat. (nurse, rock to sleep, pump, make my lunch, nurse, rock to sleep, pump, microwave the lunch, eat 2 bites, nurse, rock to sleep, eat the lunch, fall asleep for 10 blissful minutes, nurse...)

Find time to just rock your baby, hold him, snuggle. I remember my lactation consultant telling me often moms who are having nursing/latch/supply issues inadvertently only hold their babies while going thru the breastfeeding process, which for me was stressful. I had to remind myself to just hold him, make eye contact, and snuggle just so I could enjoy my baby more.




Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 23:15     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP already stated that the sarcastic response WAS NOT HERS. Lay off.


OP, I stand corrected. Hope you weren't offended like this PP was.

PP, have you never missed a single post in a 5-page thread? No need to be so aggressive...


OP HERE -- Thanks for your response. That comment was not mine. My husband and I are very thankful for the honesty and all the wonderful responses. Thanks to everyone.

I did do lots of research on this - so thanks for that tip, but in the end I thought it would be good to start a fresh thread and I have really gotten A LOT out of it - so I am glad that I did!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 22:30     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
i haven't read all of the responses, but i wanted to chime in as a mom of two who is pregnant with her third. i honestly can't remember what the first month is like. for me, i just kind of muddled through and survived it. Then, once it's over, it becomes such a short and insignificant part of the kid's life that you can kind of forget it. the forgetting may also happen because of the forgetting hormones that make you forget about labor too.

my point is that, yes, the first month is really challenging, but you'll survive it and then you'll forget it. i find that comforting and hope you do too. the other greatest comfort i can offer to someone about to have a baby...they change really very quickly. so, in most cases, what is hard at week 4 isn't even a problem anymore at week 6 or 8. it's been replaced by a new problem, but at least the old problem is gone.

best of luck!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 22:21     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
It's rough and extra sleep now won't help. With that said, try to enjoy it because months down the road you might long for those days when the baby slept so easy and the baby was tiny enough to hold in your arms!

- mom of a big, active 9 month old
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 22:15     Subject: Re:Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Just want to say thank you to the OP for asking this question, and to all the posters for their responses. I am also due in November and this thread has been very interesting and informative.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 21:54     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:A lot of my advice has been covered so ill just add this: the first few weeks were so hard I was sure I had made a big mistake. I was also positive DD would be on only.

Fast forward a few months, DD is 9.5 months and we're going to start TTC after my next cycle.

You'll be great!


Yes, same here! I told DH that there was absolutely no way we were doing it again and secretly, I thought we had made a mistake by having DS. Now at 9 months PP we are trying again! I love being a mom and I think next time around things will be so much less overwhelming.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 21:14     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?


UGH, YES. So annoying - people would come over and hold the baby "so I could take a nap," and I would go to my bedroom, lie down, and stare at the ceiling for 2 hours. It just chemically wasn't in me yet to not worry. That took a while to pass. But then again, I often found it hard to shut my mind down and go to sleep pre-baby. I think a lot of it is deeply personal.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 21:06     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
And let me add - Everyone doesn't need to do an exhaustive archive research before saying anything on DCUM to avoid any and all duplication. That's ridiculous.


PP here that you're responding to. Enough already. OP can take my advice for what it's worth. She doesn't need your "help". Archive research has saved my bacon in many a situation, and I know what good advice is on the archives for her particular question.

OP, don't mean to prolong the hijack, so bowing out of this thread. Best of luck!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 20:59     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.


Anyway you need to search the archives. There are many threads already written on this topic. Do your own research.


OP already stated that the sarcastic response WAS NOT HERS. Lay off.


And let me add - Everyone doesn't need to do an exhaustive archive research before saying anything on DCUM to avoid any and all duplication. That's ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 20:58     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
A lot of my advice has been covered so ill just add this: the first few weeks were so hard I was sure I had made a big mistake. I was also positive DD would be on only.

Fast forward a few months, DD is 9.5 months and we're going to start TTC after my next cycle.

You'll be great!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 20:57     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP already stated that the sarcastic response WAS NOT HERS. Lay off.


OP, I stand corrected. Hope you weren't offended like this PP was.

PP, have you never missed a single post in a 5-page thread? No need to be so aggressive...
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 20:52     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.


Wow, thank you! Such amazing mom advice! I can't thank you enough...after reaching out and asking for tips and advice, this really came in handy. Mom to mom....thank you for this. Such wonderful advice! I feel so much better!


I don't post too often on DCUM, but OP, I had to respond because your sarcasm rubbed me the wrong way. It was something about the time you took to write out a two-line response to this PP - you came across as all wound up, or entitled, or both. I hope you don't speak to people this way IRL.

The PP is right. The first month is wonderful and totally worth it, but bleeding, pain, sleeplessness, hormones, the learning curve... those things suck. Nobody can prepare you perfectly for it. When you're post-partum, maybe you'll thank PP for real. She's giving you perspective and that's worth something.

Anyway you need to search the archives. There are many threads already written on this topic. Do your own research.


OP already stated that the sarcastic response WAS NOT HERS. Lay off.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2013 20:48     Subject: Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sucks.


Wow, thank you! Such amazing mom advice! I can't thank you enough...after reaching out and asking for tips and advice, this really came in handy. Mom to mom....thank you for this. Such wonderful advice! I feel so much better!


I don't post too often on DCUM, but OP, I had to respond because your sarcasm rubbed me the wrong way. It was something about the time you took to write out a two-line response to this PP - you came across as all wound up, or entitled, or both. I hope you don't speak to people this way IRL.

The PP is right. The first month is wonderful and totally worth it, but bleeding, pain, sleeplessness, hormones, the learning curve... those things suck. Nobody can prepare you perfectly for it. When you're post-partum, maybe you'll thank PP for real. She's giving you perspective and that's worth something.

Anyway you need to search the archives. There are many threads already written on this topic. Do your own research.